POLL: Sexuality and BPD

[justanotherguy25]

I really do not know if this is crossing some  sort of line , however I am really curious.  My ex was not only the best sexual partner I think I have ever been with, but she also had these "fantasies" as well.

My ex had these "rape" fantasies.  She wanted to have no control and she wanted to be choked and a list of other things that I am not going to write.   She was always wanting to go into the sex stores to buy new "toys" or she was shopping online ( with my credit card ) for what she called new and fun things to do.

I will spare you all any further detail as I am not here to offend anyone and do not want to write any further  until I am sure that this is appropriate.

[blissful_camper]

My ex claimed to have no fetishes.  

Until he strangled me during sex without my permission.  And then strangled me again after I removed his hands from my neck.  

Blissful "okay with kink unless it involves strangling" Camper

[fubsalot]

MY BPD girl loved the idea of violent and rough sex. The idea of deep throat oral, being ejaculated on, gang bang and bondage was the ultimate pleasures for her. Sometimes I couldn't perform under the expectations of her guiding me to go that rough, that deep and that violent... .

It was certainly good sex at times, but also very confronting because it didn't really feel passionate. It always felt directed by her and everything I did was to sooth her excessive sexual fantasies. Her rationale is that she loved to be dominated and made to feel worthless. Such a complicated illness, ey!

*sorry if I too offended anyone*

[BorisAcusio]

Threesome, BDSM, public sex, swinger club, wearing strap on and penetrete a man. She watched old men-teen girl porn, while in the real life, mostly acted as a cougar and went out with "boys" 6-13 years younger. Well, I guess there is lot of void to be filled.

[boywholeadsdogs]

I have scars on my back from scratches. In the early days my back was constantly raked, but in a mild way, I didn't mind.

But when things got bad, there was this one time where it was clear she was taking out anger. When she saw the blood on her fingers and the holes in my back after she was pretty shocked. Still have the marks to remind me.

But yeah, rough, blind folds, ties, all of that. She never really initiated and rarely got on top (wasn't that good at it) I've had a number of partners and have learned to enjoy the unique experience of each one, in this case pushing the dominant thing until I found my own boundaries. With a few exceptions she was always well past satisfied by the end so it wasn't necessary to go that far.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Dont we all!

Mine had a cuckholding fetish. He wanted to watch me have

Sex with other men. Hes addicted to porn and very perverted.

He basically used me for sex.

[Dolly rocker]

Mine was into S&M.he loved rough sex. He used to send me video of guys being kicked in the testicles. Used to get very turned on watching violent porn.

[ScotisGone74]

Ohh yeah she had fantasies alright. Towards the end she would get giddy right in front of me about any man that paid her any attention.     After I had been with her almost a year she got really excited telling me to "stick your hand in me" and I really just didn't know what to say to that , I was repulsed at the idea of that but didn't tell her I just blew it off as her being immature.     Add that to the list of red flags.   

[justanotherguy25]

well clearly I am not alone in this department.   I did not know if it was just her or not.  I have been with other woman who liked kinky things and that was perfectly ok.  She however seemed to bring this to an entirely new level.   This however only lasted until the devaluation  stage.  Sex seemed almost non existent.   That was until she was having a bad day and need to release her frustration.

[Skip]

I added a poll to the thread to see where members ex's fall in the categories.

BPD and sexuality is a very complex subject and it is not the same across all people with the disorder. members report everything from the highly adventurous to the highly withdrawn.

Here are some findings... . from a 2009 paper on the subject

www.mindingthemind.com/reprints/BPDsexuality.pdf

The intersection of BPD and sexuality within the context

of couples’ counseling may prompt several different types

of problems. The individual with BPD may be the more

sexually experienced member of the couple with regard to

number of past sexual partners and perhaps homosexual

experience. However, the individual with BPD also may

be more prone to problematic emotional reactions to the sex-

ual aspect of his or her current relationship. A high threshold

for stimulation may result in sexual boredom. An unstable

sense of identity may result in periodic desires for validation

from potential sex partners outside the primary relationship.

A traumatic sexual past may result in sexual avoidance in

the current relationship, and a vulnerability to interpersonal

dependency and/or abuse may result in resentment over

behaving sexually in ways the individual with BPD does not

desire.

[peacebaby]

A:Hypersexual (very high drive)

A: AboveAverage

A: Average

A: Hyposexal (low drive)

A: Avoidant, problematic

B: Bisexual, or Gay/Lesbian

B: Exotica

What does bisexual, gay, or lesbian have to do with these categories?

[Trent]

Bondage, blindfolds, vibrating toys, studded spanking paddles, rape fantasies, porn, choking, outfits, nipple clamps,  hair pulling, etc.  None of that was a massive turn-on for me, but I did enjoy participating! :D  It's too bad we ever had to see each other outside the bedroom... .  

[Rapt Reader]

What does bisexual, gay, or lesbian have to do with these categories?

If you check out the research paper linked to above, these are the parameters the researchers used to define BPD sexuality.

[fromheeltoheal]

My ex was impulsively sexual, meaning she could chat up a guy in Starbucks and be blowing him in his car 15 minutes later, but it wasn't about the sex, it was about getting validation and/or soothing an emotion in a way she was good at and knew worked.  With me her sex was all about her and her body, with any focus on me being to control me, and with no emotional intimacy, just horizontal aerobics.  I got hurt and frustrated by it once and left a few hundred dollar bills on the nightstand to be a jerk, but the reference went right over her head.  Such was our sucky communication.  Room for growth... .

[kba1969]

I can still remember her asking me to spank her when we were having sex.  I kinda enjoyed it myself and was never too rough.  As the relationship went on and we had broken up a few times, the sex got a bit more dirty.  She enjoyed being talked to like a whore and upgraded from being spanked by hand to the belt.   After finding out I was sharing her with 5 other guys this treatment was very fitting to her.  I remember she went home to NJ and she sent me a dirty text one night.  I guess you could say we sexted for a while that night.  I remember laying in bed that night and thinking "She was way to good at that!  Must have done that a few times!"  I will add that I always respected her when we were enjoying these times.

[letmeout]

it wasn't about the sex, it was about getting validation and/or soothing an emotion

A light bulb just went off in my head.

I never could understand why my ex could rage like a lunatic one minute, and then demand sex the next. He was obviously soothing an emotion, because emotionally he sure wasn't there for the sex. It always felt that I was just a object for his masturbation.

[AG]

Damn I feel jealous of all the fun you guys have had. Looking at all this kinky stuff sounds like a hell of alot of fun. My BPD ex had a strong sex drive but she wasnt doing anything spectacular in the bed. She literally acted exactly like her category of BPD which is Waif. I will say she did want it alot and my sex drive under normal circumstances is very strong and I pretty much never say no even if Im sleepy Im ready to go and have always been that way. I honestly could have gotten way nastier with her though. I would position her in doggy and she would literally collapse flat everytime like a turtle or something. If she was on top it was still me doing the work lifting her up and moving her body around as I saw fit. I did however like the things she would say to me in spanish. She definitely knew how to validate me but as far as perfomance looking back it was myself laying down alol the work and performance. Her oral was nothing to brag about either which surprised me. Im like all this lying and cheating you've done in the past you would think you would be an expert or something. I did love her though and that always increases the feeling for me. I never fully got to let loose on how dirty I could really get though. My ex fiance was the only one who I full fledge let see what type of comfortability I had with sex. She was my best as far as performance goes. I know these BPd's are jerks but at least you guys had some kinky ass fun. I would have loved to experience that. Well maybe its better I didnt now that I think about it one less thing to think about .