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BPDFamily.com
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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
POLL: Sexuality and BPD
Poll
Question:
Partner sexuality (pick 1 from "A", and any "B" that applies)
A:Hypersexual (very high drive)
A: AboveAverage
A: Average
A: Hyposexal (low drive)
A: Avoidant, problematic
B: Bisexual, or Gay/Lesbian
B: Exotica
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Topic: POLL: Sexuality and BPD (Read 1490 times)
justanotherguy25
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 23
POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
on:
May 22, 2014, 12:26:04 AM »
I really do not know if this is crossing some sort of line , however I am really curious. My ex was not only the best sexual partner I think I have ever been with, but she also had these "fantasies" as well.
My ex had these "rape" fantasies. She wanted to have no control and she wanted to be choked and a list of other things that I am not going to write. She was always wanting to go into the sex stores to buy new "toys" or she was shopping online ( with my credit card ) for what she called new and fun things to do.
I will spare you all any further detail as I am not here to offend anyone and do not want to write any further until I am sure that this is appropriate.
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blissful_camper
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 611
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #1 on:
May 22, 2014, 12:40:40 AM »
My ex
claimed
to have no fetishes.
Until he strangled me during sex without my permission. And then strangled me again after I removed his hands from my neck.
Blissful "okay with kink unless it involves strangling" Camper
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fubsalot
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 14
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #2 on:
May 22, 2014, 01:51:59 AM »
MY BPD girl loved the idea of violent and rough sex. The idea of deep throat oral, being ejaculated on, gang bang and bondage was the ultimate pleasures for her. Sometimes I couldn't perform under the expectations of her guiding me to go that rough, that deep and that violent... .
It was certainly good sex at times, but also very confronting because it didn't really feel passionate. It always felt directed by her and everything I did was to sooth her excessive sexual fantasies. Her rationale is that she loved to be dominated and made to feel worthless. Such a complicated illness, ey!
*sorry if I too offended anyone*
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BorisAcusio
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 671
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #3 on:
May 22, 2014, 03:33:28 AM »
Threesome, BDSM, public sex, swinger club, wearing strap on and penetrete a man. She watched old men-teen girl porn, while in the real life, mostly acted as a cougar and went out with "boys" 6-13 years younger. Well, I guess there is lot of void to be filled.
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boywholeadsdogs
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Getting divorced
Posts: 9
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #4 on:
May 22, 2014, 04:53:45 AM »
I have scars on my back from scratches. In the early days my back was constantly raked, but in a mild way, I didn't mind.
But when things got bad, there was this one time where it was clear she was taking out anger. When she saw the blood on her fingers and the holes in my back after she was pretty shocked. Still have the marks to remind me.
But yeah, rough, blind folds, ties, all of that. She never really initiated and rarely got on top (wasn't that good at it) I've had a number of partners and have learned to enjoy the unique experience of each one, in this case pushing the dominant thing until I found my own boundaries. With a few exceptions she was always well past satisfied by the end so it wasn't necessary to go that far.
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Hurtbeyondrepair27
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: single (1 month)
Posts: 472
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #5 on:
May 22, 2014, 07:35:21 AM »
Dont we all!
Mine had a cuckholding fetish. He wanted to watch me have
Sex with other men. Hes addicted to porn and very perverted.
He basically used me for sex.
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Dolly rocker
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 92
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #6 on:
May 22, 2014, 10:18:14 AM »
Mine was into S&M.he loved rough sex. He used to send me video of guys being kicked in the testicles. Used to get very turned on watching violent porn.
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ScotisGone74
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 432
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #7 on:
May 22, 2014, 10:38:07 AM »
Ohh yeah she had fantasies alright. Towards the end she would get giddy right in front of me about any man that paid her any attention. After I had been with her almost a year she got really excited telling me to "stick your hand in me" and I really just didn't know what to say to that , I was repulsed at the idea of that but didn't tell her I just blew it off as her being immature. Add that to the list of red flags.
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justanotherguy25
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 23
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #8 on:
May 22, 2014, 07:45:31 PM »
well clearly I am not alone in this department. I did not know if it was just her or not. I have been with other woman who liked kinky things and that was perfectly ok. She however seemed to bring this to an entirely new level. This however only lasted until the devaluation stage. Sex seemed almost non existent. That was until she was having a bad day and need to release her frustration.
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Skip
Site Director
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 7021
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #9 on:
May 23, 2014, 12:40:52 PM »
I added a poll to the thread to see where members ex's fall in the categories.
BPD and sexuality is a very complex subject and it is not the same across all people with the disorder. members report everything from the highly adventurous to the highly withdrawn.
Here are some findings... . from a 2009 paper on the subject
www.mindingthemind.com/reprints/BPDsexuality.pdf
The intersection of BPD and sexuality within the context
of couples’ counseling may prompt several different types
of problems. The individual with BPD may be the more
sexually experienced member of the couple with regard to
number of past sexual partners and perhaps homosexual
experience. However, the individual with BPD also may
be more prone to problematic emotional reactions to the sex-
ual aspect of his or her current relationship. A high threshold
for stimulation may result in sexual boredom. An unstable
sense of identity may result in periodic desires for validation
from potential sex partners outside the primary relationship.
A traumatic sexual past may result in sexual avoidance in
the current relationship, and a vulnerability to interpersonal
dependency and/or abuse may result in resentment over
behaving sexually in ways the individual with BPD does not
desire.
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peacebaby
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 2500
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #10 on:
May 23, 2014, 02:09:17 PM »
Excerpt
A:Hypersexual (very high drive)
A: AboveAverage
A: Average
A: Hyposexal (low drive)
A: Avoidant, problematic
B: Bisexual, or Gay/Lesbian
B: Exotica
What does bisexual, gay, or lesbian have to do with these categories?
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Trent
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 81
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #11 on:
May 23, 2014, 02:39:59 PM »
Bondage, blindfolds, vibrating toys, studded spanking paddles, rape fantasies, porn, choking, outfits, nipple clamps, hair pulling, etc. None of that was a massive turn-on for me, but I did enjoy participating! :D It's too bad we ever had to see each other outside the bedroom... .
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Rapt Reader
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: married
Posts: 3626
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #12 on:
May 23, 2014, 03:21:26 PM »
Quote from: peacebaby on May 23, 2014, 02:09:17 PM
What does bisexual, gay, or lesbian have to do with these categories?
If you check out the research paper linked to above, these are the parameters the researchers used to define BPD sexuality.
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My Son's Recovery-In-Progress
fromheeltoheal
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #13 on:
May 23, 2014, 05:05:29 PM »
My ex was impulsively sexual, meaning she could chat up a guy in Starbucks and be blowing him in his car 15 minutes later, but it wasn't about the sex, it was about getting validation and/or soothing an emotion in a way she was good at and knew worked. With me her sex was all about her and her body, with any focus on me being to control me, and with no emotional intimacy, just horizontal aerobics. I got hurt and frustrated by it once and left a few hundred dollar bills on the nightstand to be a jerk, but the reference went right over her head. Such was our sucky communication. Room for growth... .
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kba1969
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 50
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #14 on:
May 23, 2014, 07:42:45 PM »
I can still remember her asking me to spank her when we were having sex. I kinda enjoyed it myself and was never too rough. As the relationship went on and we had broken up a few times, the sex got a bit more dirty. She enjoyed being talked to like a whore and upgraded from being spanked by hand to the belt. After finding out I was sharing her with 5 other guys this treatment was very fitting to her. I remember she went home to NJ and she sent me a dirty text one night. I guess you could say we sexted for a while that night. I remember laying in bed that night and thinking "She was way to good at that! Must have done that a few times!" I will add that I always respected her when we were enjoying these times.
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letmeout
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 790
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #15 on:
May 24, 2014, 12:02:25 AM »
Quote from: fromheeltoheal on May 23, 2014, 05:05:29 PM
it wasn't about the sex, it was about getting validation and/or soothing an emotion
A light bulb just went off in my head.
I never could understand why my ex could rage like a lunatic one minute, and then demand sex the next. He was obviously soothing an emotion, because emotionally he sure wasn't there for the sex. It always felt that I was just a object for his masturbation.
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AG
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 269
Re: POLL: Sexuality and BPD
«
Reply #16 on:
May 24, 2014, 07:42:12 PM »
Damn I feel jealous of all the fun you guys have had. Looking at all this kinky stuff sounds like a hell of alot of fun. My BPD ex had a strong sex drive but she wasnt doing anything spectacular in the bed. She literally acted exactly like her category of BPD which is Waif. I will say she did want it alot and my sex drive under normal circumstances is very strong and I pretty much never say no even if Im sleepy Im ready to go and have always been that way. I honestly could have gotten way nastier with her though. I would position her in doggy and she would literally collapse flat everytime like a turtle or something. If she was on top it was still me doing the work lifting her up and moving her body around as I saw fit. I did however like the things she would say to me in spanish. She definitely knew how to validate me but as far as perfomance looking back it was myself laying down alol the work and performance. Her oral was nothing to brag about either which surprised me. Im like all this lying and cheating you've done in the past you would think you would be an expert or something. I did love her though and that always increases the feeling for me. I never fully got to let loose on how dirty I could really get though. My ex fiance was the only one who I full fledge let see what type of comfortability I had with sex. She was my best as far as performance goes. I know these BPd's are jerks but at least you guys had some kinky ass fun. I would have loved to experience that. Well maybe its better I didnt now that I think about it one less thing to think about
.
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> Topic:
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