So my BPDh is receiving and participating in treatment. I am learning things about BPD and working on applying the lessons I am learning hear.
Slowly, things are improving. Not in a straight line, we are both stumbling on our way. But we are stumbling together.
Today we had a moment that shows we are both making progress and I just had to share with people who would understand why this seemingly normal life moment is something to celebrate.
BPDh is among the long-term unemployed. As you can imagine, the constant rejection when applying for jobs is very invalidating.
Normal operating procedure on a day when he has an interview involves a lot of sensitive feelings and triggering on both sides and falling into a destructive pattern for both of us. Today something amazing happened.
When the constant loud sighing started from his office (a sign that emotions are bubbling beneath the surface for him) I remained calm and went about my work instead of running old tapes in my head of how awful today was going to be because he would end up freaking out because of the interview. Not avoiding him, just going about my work (I work from home). He would pop in and to talk briefly about what is going on today like this:
Him: I have that interview at 3p today.
Me: Yes, this is with Company X, right?
Then he would head back to his office. Then later,
Him: I'm going to go shower and get ready for my interview.
Me: Ok
After he got ready he came into my office to ask if how he looked was all right and to tell me he was leaving. I got up from behind my desk told him yes, he looked all right and gave him a sincere hug and kiss goodbye. Then he looked me in the eye and
Him: I am feeling very nervous about this.
Me: I am always nervous before a job interview.
Then I kissed and hugged him again and he went out the door.
I was stunned. Did that just happen? Yes, he correctly identified and appropriately expressed a negative emotion and I validated it pretty well. This is a huge moment for us. I know it is just one moment and we will continue to stumble but we're stumbling in the right direction.
