PTSD. I have no one to talk too...

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am moving right along.

Living each day, staying positive and focused.

The attorney called first thing in the am and said "your waiting period is over, do you want us to file the paperwork"

I said "yes, do it".

Yes, get this over with.

But it still hurts.

Hurts that he doesn't care about me or his kids.

All the hurts flood in.

I struggle thru.

I go out into my garden, I look at how much time, effort and work I put into it, and how I could possibly not reap the harvest (if the house sells quick).

I tell myself "You can do this anywhere, relax".

Then he texts me.

First, he wants to know if the kids are going with me or not, that he doesn't want to ask them and make them uncomfortable. That it would be easier if I just answered the question.

My reply: That is a conversation you need to have with them (they are 23 and 22 years old)

I asked if he was going to drop me off his insurance, and he said no, not at this time.

Then he asks me how to switch his cell phone service so he can keep his number.

THAT is a trigger.

He knows the phone, is a trigger.

We have talked about this at nauseum.

In 2011, while he was having his affair, he would sneak out in the garage to text her. Eventually, he just texted her in front of me and the kids and lied and said it was 'work related'.

When I busted him having the affair, I had to drive 4 hours to go tell my son, while he stayed home and got a new cell phone, so he could text his gf.

When we 'got back together to work it out'... . I told him the phone was a trigger, please, just leave it on the counter until I could get past it.

He simply wouldn't do it.

I begged him, he wouldn't do it.

I would have an "emo storm" because of the phone, and I would beg him to please, just leave it on the counter until I could get a handle on the trigger... . I sent him all kinds of info on PTSD and triggers for him to read to see I was not making this up or being a drama queen (PTSD that HE caused, by the way). He simply would not do it.

I could go on and on with more and more phone stories, but suffice it to say, the phone is a HUGE trigger for me.

He knows this.

I have been doing great lately.

Positive, upbeat, happy, laughing, working, not depressed on the couch, not gloom and doom speech... .

I swear, he does this on purpose.

When I am making progress, he does something to unhindge me.

Something that puts all eyes and attention on him.

Something that makes me crumble, withdraw, or causes me to have self-doubts... .

I am praying this house sells quick.

He is here until it sells.

Once it sells, I don't ever have to talk to him or see him again.

But for now, I am stuck.

What he is doing hurts, I am human.

But I know there is something better beyond him.

It's just taking too much time. This house HAS TO SELL QUICKLY.

I don't care WHY he does what he does, I just hope the saying "what goes around comes around" or "karma" proves itself true.

[going places]

I am moving right along.

Living each day, staying positive and focused.

The attorney called first thing in the am and said "your waiting period is over, do you want us to file the paperwork"

I said "yes, do it".

Yes, get this over with.

But it still hurts.

Hurts that he doesn't care about me or his kids.

All the hurts flood in.

I struggle thru.

I go out into my garden, I look at how much time, effort and work I put into it, and how I could possibly not reap the harvest (if the house sells quick).

I tell myself "You can do this anywhere, relax".

Then he texts me.

First, he wants to know if the kids are going with me or not, that he doesn't want to ask them and make them uncomfortable. That it would be easier if I just answered the question.

My reply: That is a conversation you need to have with them (they are 23 and 22 years old)

I asked if he was going to drop me off his insurance, and he said no, not at this time.

Then he asks me how to switch his cell phone service so he can keep his number.

THAT is a trigger.

He knows the phone, is a trigger.

We have talked about this at nauseum.

In 2011, while he was having his affair, he would sneak out in the garage to text her. Eventually, he just texted her in front of me and the kids and lied and said it was 'work related'.

When I busted him having the affair, I had to drive 4 hours to go tell my son, while he stayed home and got a new cell phone, so he could text his gf.

When we 'got back together to work it out'... . I told him the phone was a trigger, please, just leave it on the counter until I could get past it.

He simply wouldn't do it.

I begged him, he wouldn't do it.

I would have an "emo storm" because of the phone, and I would beg him to please, just leave it on the counter until I could get a handle on the trigger... . I sent him all kinds of info on PTSD and triggers for him to read to see I was not making this up or being a drama queen (PTSD that HE caused, by the way). He simply would not do it.

I could go on and on with more and more phone stories, but suffice it to say, the phone is a HUGE trigger for me.

He knows this.

I have been doing great lately.

Positive, upbeat, happy, laughing, working, not depressed on the couch, not gloom and doom speech... .

I swear, he does this on purpose.

When I am making progress, he does something to unhindge me.

Something that puts all eyes and attention on him.

Something that makes me crumble, withdraw, or causes me to have self-doubts... .

I am praying this house sells quick.

He is here until it sells.

Once it sells, I don't ever have to talk to him or see him again.

But for now, I am stuck.

What he is doing hurts, I am human.

But I know there is something better beyond him.

It's just taking too much time. This house HAS TO SELL QUICKLY.

I don't care WHY he does what he does, I just hope the saying "what goes around comes around" or "karma" proves itself true.