How do you deal?

[peiper]

She is always good at shuting of, not talking about things. Blaming me for everything. Threatening to leave. Leaving then wanting to come back. The more Im nice to her the worse it gets. I do love her, but this is crazy. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

She is always good at shuting of, not talking about things. Blaming me for everything. Threatening to leave. Leaving then wanting to come back. The more Im nice to her the worse it gets. I do love her, but this is crazy. 

She is probably seeing your attempts to influence her as controlling. Even being overly nice can be seen as this at times.

Pull back and just concentrate on your own stuff. You can't control what she does, only what you do and how you allow it to affect you.

Simplistic statement I know, but keep posting here and you will come to understand the complexities involved.

A minefield is a peaceful place as long as we dont go wandering about all over it.

[Turkish]

peiper, waverider has a good point, you can't control her. She has a RO against you, and she seems to have alienated your in-laws against you. You don't want to divorce, but this is a hard boundary (and I'm glad you are posting on the legal board). Does the RO also forbid contact by text or email? If not, perhaps you can use some of the communication tools outlined in the lessons at the top of this board  (Lesson 3, specifically). pwBPD fear abandonment. This all could be a huge test to see how you will respond. Keep in mind that RO, however, as now that you are now in "the system" it would be wise to tread lightly, and not violate its terms.