merging behaviour

[healinghome]

there's a trait that I have found BPDs to express that I haven't found much talk about; merging.  this is where the person has such low self identity or awareness that they latch onto the perceived identity of a person they are interested/in a relationship with and attempt to 'become' that person.  a really good (but extreme) example of this behaviour is the 1992 film 'single white female', where the character moves into her friends apartment and starts wearing the same clothes, has her hair cut the same, using the same expressions, etc.  its not always as extreme as in this movie, but I have seen it expressed in a lot of BPDs.

its quite a creepy and violating experience to go through with BPDs and one that always results in a BPD revenge/anger episode once the BPD realises they are actually a separate person to the 'other'.  I wondered if anyone else had any experience of this behaviour? and how they cope with it?

[Kwamina]

Hi daisy4 ,

I believe it's true that people with BPD have a very unstable core and struggle with their sense of self. I find your use of the term 'merging' in this context very interesting. I personally haven't experienced people with BPD fully merge or absorb the personality of someone else like you describe here in the most extreme case, but what I have seen is how people with BPD all of a sudden can take extreme interest in things when they realize somebody they like or want/need the approval of are interested in those things. In my experience this usually never last for long as a result of their fleeting sense of self and/or the rocky nature of the relationships many people with BPD unfortunately have.

You say you have seen this merging behavior in a lot of BPD's, the way you describe it sounds like a very violating experience indeed. And definitely creepy too! Were you yourself the subject of a person with BPD trying to merge with you or did you witness this happen to someone else?

[healinghome]

hi kwamina, I've seen this type of behaviour with uBPDm (waif/queen) and uBPDsis (waif/witch).  they've done this to me and I've seen them do it to others followed by rage when they become aware of the fact that they are separate... .triggering their abandonment issues.  in essence its identity theft and very creepy and unnerving.  uBPDf was a true BPD witch but I never saw him do it, so maybe its more common in the 'waif' type BPDs?