Broke No Contact

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So after the ex w/ BPD had been texting me and posting things on social media about how she was sad and hurt over the whole situation, and how she was upset I would't respond. I (mistakenly) responded. I told her she couldn't contact me for obvious reasons, but I would give her one chance to "come clean." She wanted to know who I had slept with, what I was doing, etc, but after my response I didn't hear from her.

The very next day, after being so sad and distraught and not responding she's posting about how great life is recently and how she has great friends.

What's going on? This is like some sort of emotional torment. What are these sick twisted games going on?

[learnandgrow]

So after the ex w/ BPD had been texting me and posting things on social media about how she was sad and hurt over the whole situation, and how she was upset I would't respond. I (mistakenly) responded. I told her she couldn't contact me for obvious reasons, but I would give her one chance to "come clean." She wanted to know who I had slept with, what I was doing, etc, but after my response I didn't hear from her.

The very next day, after being so sad and distraught and not responding she's posting about how great life is recently and how she has great friends.

What's going on? This is like some sort of emotional torment. What are these sick twisted games going on?

[seeking balance]

So after the ex w/ BPD had been texting me and posting things on social media about how she was sad and hurt over the whole situation, and how she was upset I would't respond. I (mistakenly) responded. I told her she couldn't contact me for obvious reasons, but I would give her one chance to "come clean." She wanted to know who I had slept with, what I was doing, etc, but after my response I didn't hear from her.

The very next day, after being so sad and distraught and not responding she's posting about how great life is recently and how she has great friends.

What's going on? This is like some sort of emotional torment. What are these sick twisted games going on?

There is a book called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" - very much sums up the push/pull dynamic of the BPD dance.  You are in the push/pull and playing your role nicely - this dynamic is used to soothe the pendulum of abandonment/engulfment often felt by pwBPD.

What can you do?

Stop doing your part of the dance.

What are you boundaries and how to you plan to implement them?  Control what you can (YOU) and stop trying to guess or control what she is going to do next is the way to stop the chaos in your own mind.

Peace,

SB

[Mutt]

Hi learnandgrow,

The all good and all bad swing of the pendulum can swing to both sides several cycles a day. Block or deactivate social media for awhile and heal. I advised family and friends that I need to deactivate Facebook and I can be reached by email or cell. Some family members use Facebook as a place to share photos. I would email photos of the kids instead. I went offline for several months because I didn't want to get triggered by ex or people associated with her. It makes the detaching process gentler and easier.

[learnandgrow]

I just wanted to update you guys on where I'm at. She tried to charm me back in but fortunately I was able to dig and find the major lie she had created. Despite "loving romantically with her entire being" and "only needing space for a while" I found out she had slept with the guy she went on a "friend date to get her mind off of me" the first night she had gone out with him. Said she loved me that day, and after that for a week hiding it. I found out, confronted her, and she denied it even more. "I kissed him but I couldn't have sex because I wasn't ready and thinking of you." Dug further and found out the truth.

Run far away if you can. You really can't trust these people. They will lie to your face repeatedly even if you catch them red handed... .and then try to blame you for it. Their actions speak louder than words... .her words were what I wanted to hear but she was doing the opposite. Save yourself.

[BorisAcusio]

I just wanted to update you guys on where I'm at. She tried to charm me back in but fortunately I was able to dig and find the major lie she had created. Despite "loving romantically with her entire being" and "only needing space for a while" I found out she had slept with the guy she went on a "friend date to get her mind off of me" the first night she had gone out with him. Said she loved me that day, and after that for a week hiding it. I found out, confronted her, and she denied it even more. "I kissed him but I couldn't have sex because I wasn't ready and thinking of you." Dug further and found out the truth.

Run far away if you can. You really can't trust these people. They will lie to your face repeatedly even if you catch them red handed... .and then try to blame you for it. Their actions speak louder than words... .her words were what I wanted to hear but she was doing the opposite. Save yourself.

I'm sorry you are hurting and I can relate. Add the cruel smirk, the pregnancy risk because of a broken condom and it's just like my story.

[learnandgrow]

Hey all,

I got a text yesterday where she admitted she "screwed up and was sorry." Also, communicated how "depressed and sad" she was and how she hasn't eaten. I took the bait, followed up, and found out she was full of it. I threw her a bone and she didn't take it... .and went back to the new object of her eye nearly immediately.

If you experience the same thing... .don't fall for it. It's all a game to them.

[BacknthSaddle]

The truth is: if you respond with enthusiasm, you will be viewed as weak, insignificant, disposable. If you respond without enthusiasm or don't respond, you'll be made to feel guilty until you respond with enthusiasm, in which case refer to scenario 1.

[learnandgrow]

It'll put your stomach in knots and leave you wondering what the hell just happened.

But us nons have to remember that feeling confused, bewildered, and not ready to move forward yet is the natural way of healing. It is unnatural to jump into a new relationship so quickly.

The truth is: if you respond with enthusiasm, you will be viewed as weak, insignificant, disposable. If you respond without enthusiasm or don't respond, you'll be made to feel guilty until you respond with enthusiasm, in which case refer to scenario 1.