Need a refresher on boundaries-he contacted me again ugh

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hello all ~

My uexBPDbf contacted me again UGH!  It's been 3 years from the initial break up (from "I love you, goodnight" to "I'm not happy, I'm leaving" in the morning)... .and a year from the -get this- 10 day recycle (which was before I knew anything about BPD). 

I thought I did clear boundaries with him about NC.  He seems to be in a three month pattern where he just wants to "stop by and chat".  Last time I told him I was in a relationship and for some reason I thought he would respect this.  He doesn't have my phone # anymore but sent a private message on FB, so I will be blocking him from FB.  I have absolutely zero interest in any kind of contact, even if I wasn't in a relationship. 

My fear is that it won't matter what I say or do, he will override whatever boundary I put in place and show up at my door even if I say he is not welcome.

Any advice/words of wisdom/sharing of experiences are greatly appreciated!

Thank you,

Ceide

[Ceide]

Hello all ~

My uexBPDbf contacted me again UGH!  It's been 3 years from the initial break up (from "I love you, goodnight" to "I'm not happy, I'm leaving" in the morning)... .and a year from the -get this- 10 day recycle (which was before I knew anything about BPD). 

I thought I did clear boundaries with him about NC.  He seems to be in a three month pattern where he just wants to "stop by and chat".  Last time I told him I was in a relationship and for some reason I thought he would respect this.  He doesn't have my phone # anymore but sent a private message on FB, so I will be blocking him from FB.  I have absolutely zero interest in any kind of contact, even if I wasn't in a relationship. 

My fear is that it won't matter what I say or do, he will override whatever boundary I put in place and show up at my door even if I say he is not welcome.

Any advice/words of wisdom/sharing of experiences are greatly appreciated!

Thank you,

Ceide

[Trent]

First, block him from all electronic avenues, which it sounds like you're already doing.  Great job!

Next, create a plan of action on what you will do when he does show up at your door.  For a pwBPD, it's probably a question of "when", not a question of "if".  I would recommend yelling through the door, or if that's not practical, just opening it a crack and telling him to leave immediately or you're calling the police.  Then close the door ASAP and do not listen to what he has to say.  If he doesn't leave after a minute or two, call the police.  If this continues, get a restraining order if needed. 

If he knows where you work, he might stalk you there too.  Again, create a plan and mentally rehearse it to reduce anxiety and give you a sense of control in case it ever happens.

Good luck!

[Narellan]

I wouldn't create drama by involving the police. He's mostly left you alone for years, he's just testing the water to see if there's a connection still there. It's a good idea to block the FB avenue of communicating and if he manages to call you at work don't respond. I personally wouldn't speak to him if he came to the door. No response is best. He will eventually tire of it and move on. ( until next time) you're doing really well now with NC and for the most part he seems to have respected your boundaries. 

[Ceide]

Thank you for your advice!  It's so nice to have this as a resource and have people who understand.  I've blocked him from FB and will continue NC... .hopefully that will be it.

Ceide