In my dream today.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So it's been over an year now My ex left me(7 years RS), today I had a dream about her, she comes with her friend to visit me and I in the dream I know that she left me but I can't help want to talk to her and eventually do and we do talk and share some laughter and then a little later she is gone and I'm looking around for her that I wake up... .

It was strange, I remember that she left me, is with someone else now and her friend is someone I particular don't like since she use to 'advise' her what to do, but the only fact that didn't come to my mind in the dream was that she had BPD.

What's even more strange is that I was happy... .Yes happy with her even though all the facts were pretty much negative... .I was some how over them and we were respecting our boundaries yet we were still acting friendly.

---

Now that I woke up... .I'm sad, I don't think about her much now but she does enter my mind every now and then and I only try to get rid of her thoughts because in my feelings for her all I have left is anger and disappointment. And yet my subconscious is missing her, wants to be with her?

I would never contact her and things seems to have been good for her with her new partner, she is also taking therapy and medication for her condition and deep down I'm a bit sad about that but I feel proud of her too because she is struggling for a better life.

However I feel I'm the one who hasn't moved on... .It's strange actively I resent her and avoid her thought but subconsciously I'm still... .where I was.

I know that she definitely made me feel truly loved and that it wasn't actually there and I normalized a lot of her unhealthy actions for the sake of love but now I feel I'm disordered myself I can't seem to get over her.

I would welcome all opinion but those that seek to invalidate my feelings and phase, I posted here before too in new members section and members were too quick to 'help' me and that kept me from posting again until now.

[harysc]

So it's been over an year now My ex left me(7 years RS), today I had a dream about her, she comes with her friend to visit me and I in the dream I know that she left me but I can't help want to talk to her and eventually do and we do talk and share some laughter and then a little later she is gone and I'm looking around for her that I wake up... .

It was strange, I remember that she left me, is with someone else now and her friend is someone I particular don't like since she use to 'advise' her what to do, but the only fact that didn't come to my mind in the dream was that she had BPD.

What's even more strange is that I was happy... .Yes happy with her even though all the facts were pretty much negative... .I was some how over them and we were respecting our boundaries yet we were still acting friendly.

---

Now that I woke up... .I'm sad, I don't think about her much now but she does enter my mind every now and then and I only try to get rid of her thoughts because in my feelings for her all I have left is anger and disappointment. And yet my subconscious is missing her, wants to be with her?

I would never contact her and things seems to have been good for her with her new partner, she is also taking therapy and medication for her condition and deep down I'm a bit sad about that but I feel proud of her too because she is struggling for a better life.

However I feel I'm the one who hasn't moved on... .It's strange actively I resent her and avoid her thought but subconsciously I'm still... .where I was.

I know that she definitely made me feel truly loved and that it wasn't actually there and I normalized a lot of her unhealthy actions for the sake of love but now I feel I'm disordered myself I can't seem to get over her.

I would welcome all opinion but those that seek to invalidate my feelings and phase, I posted here before too in new members section and members were too quick to 'help' me and that kept me from posting again until now.

[Learning_curve74]

Hi harysc, you may be surprised that part of you wants to forget her and is angry but another part of you misses her. Seven years is a long time to be in a relationship with somebody, so it's natural that you might still miss her and find it hard to move on.

You may want to read this: Perspectives: The Biology of Breaking Up for some further insight.

Please check out the lessons in the sidebar to the right hand side. You see where it says "Attachment leads to suffering, detachment leads to freedom"? When a romantic relationship ends, there can be a period of grieving for both what it was and the dreams you had for the future of the relationship. Just like in grieving a death, there are stages and we can often get stuck or go backwards sometimes.

How often do you think about your ex? Also, what things are you doing for yourself? Things to stay healthy and to live the best life you can?