Not moving on

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So I am 8 months removed from BPD relationship... I just can't get interested in other people still. With my ex BPD, I was a god. In fact, she called me just that. I was perfect.

I just have so much trouble forming any kind of relationship anymore and I am miserable.

[drxap]

So I am 8 months removed from BPD relationship... I just can't get interested in other people still. With my ex BPD, I was a god. In fact, she called me just that. I was perfect.

I just have so much trouble forming any kind of relationship anymore and I am miserable.

[Surnia]

Thats tough, drxap, and good you can speak about it here.

You are speaking about any kind of relationship, so it is affecting also your connection to friends?

[Turkish]

drxap, mine wrote about me in her journal, "Turkish is everything a woman could want in a man. But I still can't love him."

The idralization aside, where does that leave me? Realzing that a lying, dissociating person wrote that?

It must have felt so good for her to say that to you. It felt great to have her say things like this when we were still together. How much did I buy into it, however, and how about you? How much of the idealization do we continue to carry with us?

It's a tough thing, to be loved so deeply, then have it end. We're left with questions, but no answers. How do we find the answers in ourselves?

[NorthLight]

drxap, mine wrote about me in her journal, "Turkish is everything a woman could want in a man. But I still can't love him."

... .

It's a tough thing, to be loved so deeply, then have it end. We're left with questions, but no answers. How do we find the answers in ourselves?

Oh my god, i have just the same experience. She went from so deep love that I was her whole life and her reason for being alive, and she loved me more than anything, and when she dumped me she said i was the perfect boyfriend/upcoming husband/father, and the girl I end up with is lucky, but she can't be that girl because she has no love for me what so ever (the love died over a night, what the heck)

[Popcorn71]

Oh my god, i have just the same experience. She went from so deep love that I was her whole life and her reason for being alive, and she loved me more than anything, and when she dumped me she said i was the perfect boyfriend/upcoming husband/father, and the girl I end up with is lucky, but she can't be that girl because she has no love for me what so ever (the love died over a night, what the heck)

Same here, my exBPDh told me that there is nothing wrong with me and I had done nothing wrong.  He agreed that I was a good wife to him.  He then told me that the next man I am with will be a very lucky man.  

I was silently screaming 'then why are you leaving for trailer trash?'

[NorthLight]

Same here, my exBPDh told me that there is nothing wrong with me and I had done nothing wrong.  He agreed that I was a good wife to him.  He then told me that the next man I am with will be a very lucky man.  

I was silently screaming 'then why are you leaving for trailer trash?'

Omg, sorry to hear, must be hard!

I was thinking: How can you be SOO CONVINCED in your head from the first day we met, till the day you dumped me, that we were ment-to-be, i was your dream man, your soul mate - And then wake up one day being SOO CONVINCED that we could never see each other again, and that she could never love me or like me ever.

So black and white ;( so sick

[Popcorn71]

I was thinking: How can you be SOO CONVINCED in your head from the first day we met, till the day you dumped me, that we were ment-to-be, i was your dream man, your soul mate - And then wake up one day being SOO CONVINCED that we could never see each other again, and that she could never love me or like me ever.

So black and white ;( so sick

I know, it is something impossible for any normal person to understand.  I was told so bluntly and in a totally emotionless tone 'I used to love you but I don't now' with the unsaid words hanging there 'just get over it and leave me alone'.  This was a few days after him telling me he loved me and wanted to plan our holidays for the year!

What planet are they on?  Switch on - switch off!

[Frankcostello]

So I am 8 months removed from BPD relationship... I just can't get interested in other people still. With my ex BPD, I was a god. In fact, she called me just that. I was perfect.

I just have so much trouble forming any kind of relationship anymore and I am miserable.

You will be ready for another relationship in due time.  It took me about a year after my exBPDgf relationship was over for me to be comfortable to date again.  Once you get into a healthy relationship you will see that it's not that you want to treated like a god, what you want is to have a mutual respect with your significant other.  With a BPD relationship you might be treated like a god during the idealization phase but that goes downhill soon after.  In a healthy relationship you have a mutual respect for each other which will last a lot longer.