Distinguish from impulsive relationship to love relationship

[lm911]

I was thinking that there is a difference in BPD relationships. On one hand they can't stay alone so they get in an impulsive relationship with the first guy and as soon as they capture him, they lose interest, break up with him and splitting begins. Other relationships are when love is involed, although it is for a couple of months ( because BPD can't sustain love) , but still love. In this case is when idealisation occurs. They find the new partner perfect at the beginning and after their temporarily love is gone, there is only fear of intimacy, anger and splitting is the final phase.

These are my thoughts and I will be happy if you share yours.

[Popcorn71]

Looking at the pattern with my exBPDh (who has been married and divorced 3 times) he falls in love with every woman he gets involved with.  Then it looks like his behaviour gets gradually worse until the woman gets fed up and then he finds the next one before getting divorced ... .and he falls in love again.

The loss of interest only happens when the wife is getting fed up.  He really can't see that it is him causing this by how he behaves.

I think he could fall in love with anyone who was there at the right time for him, ie. when the current wife is beginning to make a fuss about him behaving so selfishly.  I really believe that if anyone can put up with him without making a fuss, he will be in love for ever.  What he actually loves, is just having somebody (anybody) there for him without having to give anything back.

[lm911]

Are you sure that he falls in love in every woman? This is definetely not love, you can't love 10 people or more, seems more like fear of being alone?

[Popcorn71]

Are you sure that he falls in love in every woman? This is definetely not love, you can't love 10 people or more, seems more like fear of being alone?

  I know it's not 'love'.  I told him as much on the day of our divorce.  I asked how he manages to date somebody and they are 'his soulmate'.  Then when that relationship breaks down he instantly meets a new 'soulmate' and falls in love again.  I said that most people date a few people after being on their own for a while, then they may manage to find somebody compatible who they grow to love.  I asked how he is so lucky to meet a special person instantly each time.  He looked puzzled and just said he is lucky.

I also texted him when I first found out about the replacement and asked if he loved her.  He didn't give me a direct answer.  He just asked if it mattered to me.  I think he knows really that he doesn't love anyone except himself.  He just can't/won't admit it.  Interestingly, he did admit that he was with her because he didn't want to be alone!