Need interpretation, please..what does this behavior mean?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Coming Saturday for all his stuff. Came last week for his mail and left a get well card for my mom, who had back surgery yesterday.  She opened it, and it was a funny card. She said "Huh?" I said I don't know,  ignore it. Texting me every other day with "I will leave the keys HERE and the door locked THIS WAY... I said fine, no problem,  I won't be there. Today, I get a text, "I have given serious thought to my belongings. Whatever I leave, you can have - the patio set, the lawnmower,  etc." I am torn between saying take everything,  and starting WW III, or saying fine, leave whatever to keep the peace, but then it seems I am leaving a door open for conversation.  What does all this mean? What should I say? Too deep for me to figure out his purpose here... .

[topknot]

Coming Saturday for all his stuff. Came last week for his mail and left a get well card for my mom, who had back surgery yesterday.  She opened it, and it was a funny card. She said "Huh?" I said I don't know,  ignore it. Texting me every other day with "I will leave the keys HERE and the door locked THIS WAY... I said fine, no problem,  I won't be there. Today, I get a text, "I have given serious thought to my belongings. Whatever I leave, you can have - the patio set, the lawnmower,  etc." I am torn between saying take everything,  and starting WW III, or saying fine, leave whatever to keep the peace, but then it seems I am leaving a door open for conversation.  What does all this mean? What should I say? Too deep for me to figure out his purpose here... .

[Mutt]

Coming Saturday for all his stuff. Came last week for his mail and left a get well card for my mom, who had back surgery yesterday.  She opened it, and it was a funny card. She said "Huh?" I said I don't know,  ignore it. Texting me every other day with "I will leave the keys HERE and the door locked THIS WAY... I said fine, no problem,  I won't be there. Today, I get a text, "I have given serious thought to my belongings. Whatever I leave, you can have - the patio set, the lawnmower,  etc." I am torn between saying take everything,  and starting WW III, or saying fine, leave whatever to keep the peace, but then it seems I am leaving a door open for conversation.  What does all this mean? What should I say? Too deep for me to figure out his purpose here... .

My ex is the same. She will ask the same thing sometimes over a period of several days. If whatever is already agreed upon she'll ask anyway. It's dissociation - remembering things differently for their out of place feelings. I used to get really worked up and frustrated with the behavior. Now I say it once and ignore the rest. No need to justify or defend what I already said. I try to be as clear as possible with e-mail communications and mostly communicate using SET and it works when she's dysregulated. It reduces her emails when she's stirring things up - the less email bombs I receive from her I'm happier.  It's all there for ex in black and white for her to read. She can find the email if she chose to.

In her case it's attention that she wants. Yours may be looking for attention or for a source to soothe. My advice - if he already knows it's on Saturday let him grab whatever. Do you have a means of getting rid of his things that you don't want?  It's not worth engaging he's simply dissociating. Ignore if you've been loud and clear on your boundaries and whatever you communicate. In my case, it's ex's bf to deal with her insecurities now not me.

Do you have someone that will be there when he gets his things?

[patientandclear]

Dissociation is possible but it is a big pattern here that the retrieval of The Stuff is a thread keeping exes w/BPD connected with their recent partners, and it had a lot of value to them for that reason.  Combined with the card for your mom, I'd say that he wants to keep a bare connection to you, doesn't want to shut the door entirely.

My ex never met my sister.  But right before I asked him for NC, I learned she was quite ill, and told him.  He wrote despite the NC request several months later, inquiring about my sister.  It was a reason to be in touch and he took it.  The Stuff is similar.  Reasons that are superficially plausible that mean they can't be completely separated from you (yet).  Even if they initiated the breakup and don't want to get back together.

[topknot]

Thank you, Mutt, and patientandclear.  I thought, how extremely odd to purchase a humorous get well card in the situation we are in, writes a paragraph of get well wishes, and signs his first AND last name - um, we know who you are... .I decided to just take my dogs and not be there. No one wants the job of sitting there, and I acknowledge it is too painful for me to hear his voice or see him. I have only texted since he left so I wouldn't get weak and be sucked in again.

[Mutt]

You're welcome and I'm agreeing with patientandclear. He doesn't want to close the door entirely. My ex was in an another relationship months before she left me in 2012. The same bf didn't move in with her until this year. I had missed an appointment with her during the seperation. She frantically called everyone - friends and family looking for me. I had closed our joint and account and removed her from my insurance policy and it was the same behavior, she sent me emails to all of my email addresses - including my work email. She called me at home, work and on my cell panicked. It was things that we had together in marriage but it's a part of divorce. She left but I had closed the door, she was losing an attachment hence the reaction. It wasn't dissociation. I found the behaviors very odd at the time.