Tired and JADED but I didn't back down

[Depression = 72% of members]

We had just got back from a quick Summer get-away. I was so exhausted I could barely move after hiking and swimming etc. I was alone in the apartment, and the phone rings. It's uBPDmom. She and a couple of HER friends from out of town were walking nearby and she decided it was a good time for surprise visit.

My brain was still fried from the sun, so I stammered at first. Then I thought "Wait a minute, this is my home, and I didn't expect a visit. I'm going to protect my privacy." But I did JADE, although I was lying, when I said I just got out of the shower.

"Oh, you're a man of leisure" said uBPDmom. I just ignored that comment. Most importantly, I didn't back down. Hopefully, I've set a boundary. I should have just said "NO" and that was it, I guess, but that would seem rude to her friends.

Next time, it will simply be NO.

[isshebpd]

We had just got back from a quick Summer get-away. I was so exhausted I could barely move after hiking and swimming etc. I was alone in the apartment, and the phone rings. It's uBPDmom. She and a couple of HER friends from out of town were walking nearby and she decided it was a good time for surprise visit.

My brain was still fried from the sun, so I stammered at first. Then I thought "Wait a minute, this is my home, and I didn't expect a visit. I'm going to protect my privacy." But I did JADE, although I was lying, when I said I just got out of the shower.

"Oh, you're a man of leisure" said uBPDmom. I just ignored that comment. Most importantly, I didn't back down. Hopefully, I've set a boundary. I should have just said "NO" and that was it, I guess, but that would seem rude to her friends.

Next time, it will simply be NO.

[Kwamina]

Hi issheBPD

I hope you had fun on your get-away

Concerning your mom, she caught you by surprise so it's quite understandable that you stammered at first, especially since you were so tired. Sometimes you just gotta do whatever it takes to keep her away from you when you don't feel like having her around. Perhaps it would be better to just say 'NO', but what you did was the next best thing and it worked too in preventing her from visiting. Remember that it could also have been a lot worse, you could also have said 'YES'

[Angi]

Hi issheBPD, I think a "NO", can be better accepted by BPD if it sounds friendly, perhaps with a "sorry". In your case you even have a good explanation: "Sorry, I'm so tired"

[isshebpd]

Angi,

The funny thing is she knows I was only home a few hours. Surely she knew I would be exhausted.

Kwamina,

I feel if I just say "No" she might start badmouthing me to others, questioning my motives. Really, it is I who doesn't trust her with this kind of request. She is such a snob, and I know we don't live in a high-end building.

But yeah, this was a victory of sorts with no blowback.

It was a very enjoyable get away.