Where did you get the support you needed to leave your BPD person.

[sharlock]

I haven't posted in a while.  I've been in counseling to try and manage my friendship with my undiagnosed male BPD best friend. I've even joined a support group for co-dependents which meets monthly and I really find that beneficial.

However, there are days that I'm exhausted.  The emotional roller coaster I've been on has affected me emotionally, and physically.  Recently, I've started to think I'm becoming depressed. My anxiety has increased, and my insomnia issue has reappeared after many years a good sleep. I believe my friend is a good man, but all the BPD traits/behaviors are taking a toll on me.  I truly want to be a good friend, support, and sister in Christ to him.  I wish he would get healthy.  I know I can't control the choices he makes so I usually immerse myself in prayer to get myself through "our difficult times."  Though, I still feel this has really taken a toll on me and question how much more I can take.  My husband, friends, and coworkers have all noticed I'm "different", but I haven't had the strength to say what's wrong.  I've tried sharing my pain with a couple of close friends but they think he's unstable and I should run away from his as far as possible.  However, they don't know him and don't understand BPD.

Many times I've thought about "leaving" him.  Honestly, though I'm afraid.  I know I would hurt terribly, and would have no one to share my misery with.  I wouldn't have any support. There's always the fear of how he would react too.  The few dozen times I've mentioned ending the friendship he acts terribly hurt. 

So for those who have broken off a BPD relationship did you get support?  I almost feel like I'd need a daily contact support person to get through this.  I just can't do this by myself. Sigh.

[TheBPDSurvivor]

Many times I've thought about "leaving" him.  Honestly, though I'm afraid.  I know I would hurt terribly, and would have no one to share my misery with.  I wouldn't have any support. There's always the fear of how he would react too.  The few dozen times I've mentioned ending the friendship he acts terribly hurt. 

So for those who have broken off a BPD relationship did you get support?  I almost feel like I'd need a daily contact support person to get through this.  I just can't do this by myself. Sigh.

I'm sorry you're feeling down sharlock. We've all been there in your situation once and ended up in bpdfamily after a lot of Googling about the weird behaviour by our SO/ex/friend. Initially I thought its just me who have some problem understanding my ex's behaviour and I knew right from the start that this person is stealing my time with my work/business/friends/family and always thought like I should never leave her because I'm the shining knight for her to rescue her from whatever situations she gets into. I don't even know what BPD is before getting to know about her., let alone the relationship.

When she painted me black out of nowhere and devalued and treated me like 200yrs old doormat, I knew something is wrong with her ie., I doubted she's cheating on me and talking with someone else. When I questioned her why she behaves like this, she too acted like getting hurt and shouted at me to stop questioning her because she said like my words are killing her. Not to mention, they've slowly shaped the way we treat them so we always knew things will go downhill if arised some question which shouldn't be asked and all hell will break loose if we did so.

Personally I never had any support when breaking up with my ex and don't what BPD is and searched the internet for solid 5 months to know about the disorder. Those 5 months are the worst days I've ever lived in my life. Finding this board is a godsent to me. Reading 100's of horrible experiences by other members made me so much comfortable because I'm not the only one who've encountered such an craziness from my ex.

bpdfamily is one of the best boards for the nons and also has tons of stories and an active community members to listen to your story and support you so please don't think you'll be left alone after you end the relationship with your friend.

BPD's are toxic. Its time to lay out a perfect plan to leave your friend and go completely no contact. Make sure to block him on your mobile and social networks as well.

[fromheeltoheal]

Why you're emotionally enmeshed with a man other than your husband is a whole nuther issue, but that aside and to answer your question, leaving my ex was easy; she had pushed it so far that I felt I was literally going insane, and I was so incredibly angry and distraught that I was at the point of either leaving her or killing her.  Figured leaving was the 'right' thing to do, so yes it was easy, staying gone was a little less easy, and processing all that had gone on and going through the stages of grief was extremely difficult.  I got support mostly from this site, as well as books, and a few well-meaning but not understanding friends.

[sharlock]

I was thinking today, "how much longer do i want to live like this?"  I don't see things improving or having normal friendship boundaries with my friend. Especially after all the reading I've done.  Things are progressively getting worse.  He's devaluing me. 

I've tried dozens of times to say goodbye but it never works.  I usually end up apologizing to him for even suggesting NC.  My therapist has told me to start acting like I've left the friendship.  I don't owe him any further explanation.  Stop talking to him, stop taking his texts/calls, stop seeing him, just act like he's accepted the fact that it's over.

I'm part of the problem.  I'm attached to him.  I know I owe it to myself to move on before things get ugly.  You may be seeing my name more often. Just saying.  I get really down sometimes... .

Thank you both for your advice.