Mourning a suicide while handling a depressed BPD partner's threats

[nomoremommyfood]

First, please excuse my weird, lingering topic further down. I somehow managed to accidentally type alt+s while still writing, then worsened the situation by trying to modify too many times!

On July 13th, my best friend killed himself. I had known him my whole life - since toddler-hood - and his suicide was a devastating shock. Though anti-depressants have helped a lot, he occupies a large part of my waking thoughts. If I'm not focused on his death at any given moment, it's waiting in the wings.

My dBPDbf (8 years in November) was initially supportive but my grief became an emotional contagion. We were both under terrible stress, compounded by the fact that I learned of the death the night before I was scheduled to move into a new apartment and have been massively delayed ever since. Just before I left town for the memorial, Mike's roommate kicked him out, giving him three days to leave. With no options, no time, and no car, Mike went to his parent's house in the far-out suburbs. His roommate was aware of my friend's suicide and my being out-of-town; if I ever run into him, I hope I vomit on his face.

Mike living with his parents is the worst possible situation. He's been on a downward spiral since late July and is in a depressive episode. He was only supposed to stay there for a few months while coming to the city bi-weekly to search for a new apartment, but now refuses to look or to accept any help in finding a new place. I miss him, but whenever I see him, he takes out his frustrations on me and uses my friend's suicide as ammunition. More important, his suicide threats are increasingly difficult to handle. I've listened to them for years but I'm now convinced everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Calling him is terrifying. He sounds completely uninterested in speaking to me, or says he's moving across the country (I can't handle that) or that "any other apartment will come with its own problems" or another diatribe on how the "only solution is death."

I'm desperate to get him out of there and his deteriorating condition just adds to my anxiety. I keep going through options to get him out of there, he refuses to accept anything, and I won't feel comfortable until he's in a safe environment. Any advice will be much appreciated - he's on disability, if that helps. 

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