Could have faced jail time w/ false accusations

[swimjim]

My false RO was dropped by the judge but it cost me not only attorney fees  but also a huge chunk of my soul. It has been over a year already and I am still flooded with shame and guilt that my xBPDgf would be threatened by me and involve me with law enforcement and the courts. Apparently she has no regrets for doing this since I never heard from her again since. What infuriates me is that the judge could care less that she perjured herself in court. This incident has shaken the very core of my integrity. I pray for peace of mind every day from that horrible ordeal. How can I feel sorry for her disorder when her disorder could have easily placed me behind bars?  

[Mutt]

I understand. I was falsely accused and could have faced jail time. It was the scariest, most stressful period I went through. I couldn't understand why my wife was risking putting H in jail? It made absolutely no sense. I was the sole provider of a family of 6 and she said "it's to teach the kids a lesson. Dad can't treat mom this way" It was projection.

I also understand how frustrating the system is. It's not fair. What do you mean it shook you to your core with your integrity?

[Harri]

What a horrible thing to do to someone!  I hate that you had to go through that.

Try to remember that her actions have nothing to do with you or who you are.  Like Mutt said, she was projecting.  As frustrating and hurtful as it is, the reality of projection is that she never saw *you*.  She only saw you and the rest of the world through her own filters and dysfunction.  Very little of it, if anything, was about you. 

[Mutt]

As frustrating and hurtful as it is, the reality of projection is that she never saw *you*.  She only saw you and the rest of the world through her own filters and dysfunction.  Very little of it, if anything, was about you.  

I didn't understand it at the time. I was split black. Her dominant characteristics are Queen / Witch. She was trying to punish - Witch. That's my ex.

Share what you feel swimjim if you like. I understand how frightening it was.

[swimjim]

Thanks for your replies. She begged me to marry her 6 months into dating. I thought that was kind of odd but flattering. My gut instinct said hold off, we need to develop a foundation of trust, friendship, balance, and of course, real love. She started devaluing me when I tried to slow us down. Then she started a smear campaign against me with my ex best friend and seduced him. When I found out she was with him, I tried to win her back by finally purchasing her the ring she always wanted. The result was a restraining order against me. I still struggle with this a year later and go to T once a week. I lost my best friend, lost her, and lost my self dignity.

[Mutt]

That's tough swimjim  

At the epicenter of BPD is abandonment, abandonment depression, core wound of abandonment.

Trusting your guts and giving it time was the right thing to do. Her fear of abandonment was triggered when she didn't get the ring. A flight or flee response. You were split black.

I'm sorry that you feel like you lost your self dignity. From where I'm looking you did the right thing. You were waiting for key ingredients, trust, friendship, and mutual love. You made a wise choice.

I triggered my exes fear of abandonment with saying "I want a divorce" I wasn't aware of BPD. It never crossed my mind she was mentally ill. How were we supposed to know?

I understand you went through a big loss. Her and your best friend. I'm sorry.

[swimjim]

Thank you Mutt for your responses. I need to see it for what it really is and depersonalize. I must get My own closure.

[Mutt]

I'm saying this from my experience. The pain was deep and real. It was hard. I saw a P and a T. It really helped. Depersonalizing the behavior by learning about BPD was another ingredient that helped me. I didn't get closure from my ex. It was painful because of our history. I had to give my own closure. I hope that helps. Hang in there.

[swimjim]

Thanks again Mutt for your reply. Law enforcement and the courts need to know more about BPD and how they can play the victim role and abuse the legal system. I think they should be held accountable if proven wrong in the court of law.

[Conundrum]

In a perfect world " the system" would be equitable. It is not. I have worked in that system for over 20 years. There is gross error within certain categories, such as BPD. Validation of righteousness is not a shameful desire, bc it is truth based. Requiring validation to come from anywhere but within is chasing one's tail (though it's natural). Take comfort in the peace of truth.

[swimjim]

I agree with you Cunondrom. Anger and betrayal have kept me stuck in the loop and have prevented me from full recovery from My ordeal. I was vindicated in court. I have My good name back although at the expense of attorney fees. A growing experience.