Recooperating
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Gender: ![Female](https://www.bpdfamily.com/message_board/Themes/default/images/Female.gif)
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 362
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« on: August 31, 2014, 12:43:48 PM » |
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NC for exactly 2 weeks... .I thought it would get easier, but it only gets harder. Im going in circles... .I want him back... .No I dont... .I wanna call him... .No I dont... .I miss him... .No I dont... .I can "fix" him... .No I cant... .Why cant I "fix" him... .Its up to him... .I want him to be the way I want him to be... .Dream on... .
I hate it that I couldnt do what other people on the staying board can! Why cant I be firm in setting boundaries. Why does his jerkish behaviour affect me so much? Why cant I be better and stronger and be the person he wants me to be? I know the answer... .I have codependency issues... .He was diagnosed, I "made" him go to therapy after his last affair in february. But he got into T, didnt take it too serious, I guess he did it for me... .But the anger outburst just didnt stop and I couldnt deal with it anymore! I broke, 3 weeks before the wedding I left him... .I cant seem to teally cry... .So I wrote and that made me cry... .
Its not your fault, but is it mine?
Love and hate, its a thin line
I couldnt cope, couldnt understand
It hurt me so much, I couldnt withstand
I tried to help, but it wasnt up to me
I tried to change you, I didnt let you be
I tried to cope, read, ignore, I tried to be better
But I failed, in the end it all didnt matter
Your words hurt me and I hurt you back
"We" and "Us" became one big anxiety attack
We held on based on dreams we both had
But "in the now" we were frustrated angry and sad
I do so love you and I know you love me
Im so sorry Im not who you need me to be
Im not strong, not strict, I have codependency
Your anger, push and pulls trigger my insecurity
And it kills me to realise and say
We are so much better off this way
Its not your fault, is it mine?
I am not strong enough to stop you and draw the line
If I could I'd give you the world, give you my all
But your pushing me away draws up my armor and my walls
You hate me now and maybe thats ok
Hate is a feeling too in a strange kind of way
Lies, anger, hate, resentment and a lot of fuss
In the end that was all that was left of us
My hubby, my love, my babe, my honey
Ended up in rage, anger and a battle over money
Im so sorry, i wasnt what you needed me to be
Im so sorry, it wasnt enough for you to see
My efforts, my investing, my time and my love
Go my sweety, heal and find another beloved
Im sorry I hurt you, and I know you are sorry to
Letting you grow and heal is all that I can do
Not my loss, not your loss, but definately ours
Please remember me, and find strenght in little yellow flowers.
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