wondering why?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I was wondering why we nons crave the recycle even though deep down we dont want it. We know what it will bring us, pain. more misery and in the end gettting dropped again. Why would we want someone that chetas on us, lies to us, rage at us, shows not once ounce of care towards us. It been 15 days of nc with my exBPDgf but today I feel myself craving the recycle but despising myself for it. Out last conversation she said she wouldnt be calling me for awhile and I told her good and how about just never call me again and hung up on her. I do not regret those words but I do find myself sad. we have recycle so many times in over 3 years I have lost count and it always the same results. so can anyone explain why we crave it. To me its like craving a car accident. when I think of that I am shocked, what sane person would want a car accident but on days like today I crave a recycle with her.

[mitchell16]

I was wondering why we nons crave the recycle even though deep down we dont want it. We know what it will bring us, pain. more misery and in the end gettting dropped again. Why would we want someone that chetas on us, lies to us, rage at us, shows not once ounce of care towards us. It been 15 days of nc with my exBPDgf but today I feel myself craving the recycle but despising myself for it. Out last conversation she said she wouldnt be calling me for awhile and I told her good and how about just never call me again and hung up on her. I do not regret those words but I do find myself sad. we have recycle so many times in over 3 years I have lost count and it always the same results. so can anyone explain why we crave it. To me its like craving a car accident. when I think of that I am shocked, what sane person would want a car accident but on days like today I crave a recycle with her.

[honeysuckle]

I know how you feel. I have asked myself that same question. I have decided that for me it comes down to validation. I want him to come back so that I can feel like I am important to him. I have recycled several times. I have been out of the relationship for over 3 months. This time is different and he has stopped contacting me. I dont want to go back. It was horrible being in that relationship but that fact that he no longer wants it either kind of hits me hard. Like I just want him to want me. I think it is the trauma bond that keeps me feeling this way. I looked to him as being the keeper of my worth.

The High that comes with them wanting us back is always followed with the low of rejection and it gets stronger each time.

I think it comes down to replacing our need for them with a need to save ourselves. It gets easier with time.

[elessar]

For me, it was about a sense of "fairness". Because I think - I have done so much for her over so many years, it is only fair that we end of together. And for me personally - her being my first and only love/relationship... .it seems more "special".

My second reason is a strange one - a sense of exhaustion. By that I mean I am too exhausted to even think about opening myself emotionally to someone else.

Final reason is a sense of unfairness - I have known her since we were teenagers and I have seen how she has been battered down at home, emotionally and psychologically, and prior to that sexually. It just feels unfair that she worships them and would rather be with them than be with me, someone who gave her everything she ever wanted.