Drug Addiction, Relapse, and BPD

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My ex gf seemed to clearly have many of the traits of BPD from the early days of our year-and-a-half long relationship, from the blissful idealization phase to her self-centered neediness and drama, amongst others. However, it seemed like our relationship was becoming more stable over the last few months until she relapsed and began using drugs with her future affair partner, whom she left me for after a few weeks.

After the drug use and beginning the affair, her personality changed completely, magnifying her BPD traits. I was left feeling lied to, deceived, abused, and totally incapable of reconciling her words with her actions. In short, total crazy-making behavior that left me feeling sick, despairing, and literally insane.

She had been sober for two years with a few relapses, but I had no idea how severe her addictions were. She went from being a very difficult and demanding person to uncontrollably impulsive, cruel, and destructive.

Does anyone have a similar experience?

[Penumbra66]

My ex gf seemed to clearly have many of the traits of BPD from the early days of our year-and-a-half long relationship, from the blissful idealization phase to her self-centered neediness and drama, amongst others. However, it seemed like our relationship was becoming more stable over the last few months until she relapsed and began using drugs with her future affair partner, whom she left me for after a few weeks.

After the drug use and beginning the affair, her personality changed completely, magnifying her BPD traits. I was left feeling lied to, deceived, abused, and totally incapable of reconciling her words with her actions. In short, total crazy-making behavior that left me feeling sick, despairing, and literally insane.

She had been sober for two years with a few relapses, but I had no idea how severe her addictions were. She went from being a very difficult and demanding person to uncontrollably impulsive, cruel, and destructive.

Does anyone have a similar experience?

[LettingGo14]

After the drug use and beginning the affair, her personality changed completely, magnifying her BPD traits. I was left feeling lied to, deceived, abused, and totally incapable of reconciling her words with her actions. In short, total crazy-making behavior that left me feeling sick, despairing, and literally insane.

She had been sober for two years with a few relapses, but I had no idea how severe her addictions were. She went from being a very difficult and demanding person to uncontrollably impulsive, cruel, and destructive.

Does anyone have a similar experience?

I have some experience here, particularly in relationships with people in active addiction.   I am sorry you had to live through that pain and agony.

The only thing you can do, as they say in airplanes, is "put on your own oxygen mask first."  That might mean going to Al-Anon.  That might mean mindfully letting go.  That might mean being kind to yourself, and accepting that you can only save yourself.

An addict, in active addiction, must reach his or her own bottom.  No one, except the addict, can save him or her.   Period.    You may find it helpful to read some of the Al-Anon materials in conjunction with your work here.

Keep posting.  We are all in this together.

[Artisan]

Please forgive me if I seem like a jerk for saying this Penumbra ... .

And I speak from my own experience as well, having lived with a woman younger than me by 15 years ... .so this was part of my own lesson.

The age difference is too big. The generation gap creates a lot of confusion and miscommunication.

Your young BPDex has a lot of growing up to do.

And, its my opinion that younger women date older guys out of usury. There may be some attraction, love, energy and things like that ... .yet rest assured, at the end of the day they will leave.

They will leave because of the age difference and not wanting to take care of somebody who is aging while they are still vital.

They will leave because they want somebody who has similar interests and energy and drive to see the world and ... .especially PLAY.

Stop being her Dad / Lover and stand up and stop your recycling.

You are a grown man with a full life and have far too much to offer to someone who treats you like trash and uses you.

Find a woman who appreciates the experience and influence life has had on you ... .who loves you for your soul and not that you can be a father figure.

There isn't enough time to fix her.

The way you felt (the way I felt) with a younger, beautiful woman is more about our own self and has nothing to do with who they are and what they want from life.

I'd question you about how you are directing your energies ... .

Understanding her will be beneficial how ? In my experience, its a continued waste of time and keeps me trapped from moving forward and healing.

Understanding yourself will be beneficial how ? In my experience, I grow and heal, I learn who I am and recognize my strengths and vulnerabilities and needs.