muliple kids with BPD?

[isharli1]

I have two daughters, 21 and 18.  The older one has been "somewhat" diagnosed.  The younger one has many of the same symptoms and behaviors, but refuses to participate in any treatment or diagnosis process.

Don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[P.F.Change]

Hi, isharli1, and 

When a child suffers from BPD (even an adult child), not only is the child unhappy and unhealthy, but often, so is everyone who loves them. This mental illness can severely affect everyone, creating drama and heartbreak, while also piling on the guilt and anxiety. The good news is that there are answers to these problems, and we are here to offer you the support and encouragement to help you find them. You'll see that there are things that can be done to stop making things worse and begin to make them better. A great place to start is with this set of resources: What can a parent do? I hope you will post on the Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD board, which is full of people who understand what you are dealing with and learning how to understand and communicate with our children better.

Is either of your daughters still living with you? What kind of support do you have--for example, is their father in the picture? Sometimes it helps to talk with a counselor of your own. Is that something you have tried before?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[pessim-optimist]

Hello isharli1, 

I am sorry you find yourself in this position... .It can be a draining experience even with one child suffering from BPD.

Welcome to this board, and feel free to tell us more about yourself, we are a group of Parents supporting each other on this long journey - you will fit right in and find comfort in sharing and learning from each other... .

[HealingSpirit]

Hello isharli1,

I'd like to join P.F.Change and pessim-optimist in welcoming you to our family. Though I am sorry you're dealing with 2 young adults in your family with BPD and/or traits. YIKES! I can't even begin to imagine how exhausted you must feel by now. My DD is 17, and she is my only child. But she presents enough drama for a whole neighborhood of teens. I get worn down from dealing with one BPD, so my heart goes out to you.

I'm glad you found us! This site is loaded with great, up-to-date information about BPD. Check out the Tools and Lessons to the right of this board. ------------------------------------>

I have found simply validating, and not trying to solve my DD's problems has helped us get along a bit better.

There are great book recommendations here as well. I'm reading Valerie Porr's "Overcoming BPD" right now and I wish I had read it first. I think it's a great book to start with. She presents the various traits of BPD in a way that makes the illness easier to understand, which makes it easier to be empathetic towards our child(ren) who are suffering.

She also explains DBT, but I just started that chapter. I can see why everyone recommends her book though.

Do both your DD's live at home? Do they get along with each other? I can't even imagine the drama you must deal with.