Trying to stay strong

[seh77]

:'(  I am so upset.  Over the summer my relationship with my XdBPDgf has deteriorated so fast.  We were on again off again all summer, long story short. 

So we went on vacation as planned all the while she is reminding me that we are broken up.  Vacation actually went very well.  Then we get back and that very Saturday she went out on a date.  This really shocked me because I thought we might actually be able to work through things.  But that really showed how she felt I believe.  The last two weeks have been rough.  2 Saturdays ago she asked for My son and I to go stay somewhere else so her new "friend" could come over and cook her breakfast and watch the sunrise.  I lost it.  Then this past weekend she gets up early Saturday morning and starts packing a bag.  Then she told me that if I was having such a hard time seeing her date to tell her to stay and we would hike and talk about fixing things.  I told her that she is an adult that's her choice if she wants to stay with me.  Anyways she left... .So Sunday when she gets back she asks to talk.  Her talk consisted of telling me how I need to make some changes if we are going to get back etc... .She said she would make some as well.  (This talk only comes after me reminding her that I am looking for a place and I switched to my own phone plan.)  The talk goes on and she asked me how I felt and I honestly told her I didn't know.  Well that wasn't what she wanted to hear.  She then got up stormed around packed a bag and told me that I will never see her or her D7 again.  That she would stay at her parents until I found a place. 

Last night she sent me a text while I was eating dinner with my son.  She told me to be home by 8pm or I would never see her again.  I sent a text back stating that we were eating.   She said 8pm no excuses.  Well that didn’t sit very well with me I didn’t speed up supper for her.  We get to the house and she is there.  She then starts in on how much she loves me and how no one else will ever love me the way she does….etc.  She told me from that point on she is starting new… 110% That she wants me to start new with her and forget everything.  She wanted me to forget all of the past crazy stuff.  I just cannot do that.  (Is that wrong of me?) She told me to tell her YES or NO.  I told her I love her but I was scared.  I didn’t want to keep recycling the same arguments/BS all of the time and we have been for some time now.  Then she was like if you leave me I have to move back to Mom and Dad’s and start over again.  And her family has given her slack.  (I feel sorry for her).  Then when I wouldn’t answer yes or NO she tried to get a reaction out of me by saying let me call my daughter and you tell her you can’t stay.  (I have been a part of the girl’s life since she was 18months and is now 7)  She always tries that to keep me there because she knows that it’s killing me leaving her behind.   Every time I have needed her we end up arguing and focused on her.  Perfect example was the day of my dad’s memorial service which she didn’t go with me.  WHO does that to the one they “love”?

But part of me still loves her so very much.  I feel like I’m crazy.  Part of me wants to stay due to the “good memories” But the very logical part is telling me to run for the hills.    I have found a place I can move into around the first of Oct.  This is so bittersweet.     I’m sorry for rambling.