.
But that still does not do anything for the gut wrenching feeling when your partner/spouse wakes each day and gives you a look of disdain, disrespect, utter and total contempt. THIS is the person who is supposed to matter in this world. THIS is the person who is the one person who counts. It is supposed to be a spouses safe haven AGAINST the ups and downs that we face in our life. They are supposed to be the ONE person who sees FAR more good in you - than bad. At a minumum - THIS is the person who should accept you as human. You have your good - and your bad. But they KNOW you. And as such NOW you are a good person and respect you and honor teh path you walk together in this life.
She cant do this as her empathy and ability to balance and regulate her thoughts prevent this. If anyone, she hates herself and her only way of soothing this is to project it onto you as a way of getting it out
So - in my utter angst to spend days this way... .i eventually (if it continues for a longer duration) attempt to try and discuss, point out, understand in an attempt to end the painting.
I assume that this is a BAD thing strategically with a pwBPD.
But - other than just accepting it - what else can be done to stop it?
By trying to stop it you are blocking her only known soothing mechanism, that is seen as hostile on your part (in her mind), so she will react by expanding the range of attacks and accusations.
Safer to let her blow it into the wind, and stay out of the wind.
Your background of not allowing frustrations and anger to show leaves you completely vulnerable to the raw emotional volatility of a pwBPD. It is hard for you not to take these things personally.
I was always taught to treat others the way you want to be treated, you get what you give.
A pwBPD wants you to feel the way he feels, and will treat you in whatever way it takes to achieve this. This is why when they feel good they will treat you like a god, and when they feel bad they will treat you like the devil. It is a way of soothing and validating their own feelings, if they are hating on someone you have to too. If they admire someone you have to too. When their view swings so too has yours. Otherwise you are seen as opposing and invalidating. You are either on their team or against them.
If they scream at you they want you to scream back, that way the screaming match is not all their fault, they can pass the blame onto you as they subtly shift to victim mode, you feel set up, react and suddenly look like the bully. Projection complete.
To deal with these types of cycles you have to step out of them, otherwise it descends into cycles of reaction & counter reaction. All original reasons are lost in the process.