Her response to realizing that I don't want her in my life anymore

[funfunctional]

Hi,

My BPD sister who is self medicating herself decided to call my daughter friday night and then proceded to ask for my x husband and his new wife's phone number.   The reason for this was to POKE me and get a response from me.  It made my daughter very uncomfortable and put her on the spot.   It forced me to call my X and I realized right away that he was on the other line because she had already called him.    So now I have to call my X and his wife to explain what is going on.   My X said she sounded in rough shape and like she was on pain meds or something.      I went onto my kids cell phones and blocked phone numbers.  She also called my father and ranted about how I had called her Mother in Law to bad mouth her which isn't true.   She was mumbling about something that happened a couple months ago.  :)irecting HUGE amount of hate and anger at me.  Back to the smear campaign thing that I apparently am leading that is forcing her to cut herself off from everyone in the family.

I am trying to understand this is her response to her realizing I don't want her in my life anymore.

I have found my life much better and I am happier and now connecting with other family members that are bring positive things into my kids and my life.    I feel guilty about moving on but I have no choice.  I can't do the crazy anymore.   It has been too many years of walking on eggshells and trying to please the unpleasable.

This is sad.   I put a picture of my sister in the middle of a group of porcelin angels in my house hoping she will see the light.  

[jmanvo2015]

Hi FunFunctional, I'm sorry to hear about your sister manipulating your other family members.  I'm new here so I don't have advice, but my uBPDm does the same thing whenever I've tried NC, which I've never been able to achieve.  After about a month or so, as I truly start to get happy, I'll get a call from my uNPD stepfather who never, ever, ever talks to me otherwise!  I hate this kind of manipulation and I can relate and empathize for what you're dealing with. 

[funfunctional]

Thank you Jman for reading my post and responding.

I didn't take the bite and don't want to contact her.   Clearly this was an attempt to get me to talk to her.

Sorry your family has made the no contact thing so hard.   

It really has become about self preservation.  I simply can't deal with her awfulness anymore.   She brings little joy or love or even just being a "little nice" and saying thank you's for gifts.  NOTHING.  I get nothing but grief from her.   She does nothing for me.  I would never choose her to be a friend to me.   Would never hang with her.   The snarly, nasty attitude that comes from her all the time... .I just can't do anymore.   I do feel sad... .I feel a little guilty about not continuing the crusade to help the person that doesn't want my help.   But hand in the air!  I give up.    Just want to live my life and raise my family

Amen

[HappyChappy]

I do feel sad... .I feel a little guilty about not continuing the crusade to help the person that doesn't want my help.   But hand in the air!  I give up.    Just want to live my life and raise my family

funfunctional You seam remarkably switched on to what’s actually happening. I think you know what’s right for you and I’m just posting to support the points you’ve made.

Problem with sibling BPD is the jealousy and rivalry. There’ isn’t anything we can do to prevent that. So your “giving up” as you call it, is more accepting the truth, maybe ? I know I will always be NC with my older NPD bro. But only realised when it was clear he would never change, when I realised all about NPD. I guess that's what they mean by "The truth will set you free." 

[funfunctional]

Thank you Happy Chappy.

I appreciate the support.   Yeah - I just feel done.   It really is almost a greek tragedy and I was going back in time with some work associates (random) and flew back in time to a better time for my sister and commented  "wow - she was fairly normal back then".    It makes me wonder how much drugs and alcohol are doing this with her... .but still I do think she is BPD.

But I am in tough with it all and moving on.  I think once I set myself free from the holiday nonsense and have accepted that maybe i will just have some quiet holidays alone with my husband and be thankful for that... .that is so freeing.   

 

[Linda Maria]

Hi funfunctional!  Sorry to hear what you're going through.  My situation has some similarities, with my uBPSsis.  I have been NC as far as possible for the last year, but we are in the final stages of winding up my late Mum's estate.  She has recently written some unspeakably untrue and vile things about me to solicitors - they can see it's all nonsense, but it still hurts, things like apparently, when I was told my Mum was terminally ill, I went round and stole books and other items from her!  My Mum didn't even have any books!  And she was a generous soul, if either of us had needed something she would have given it to us, the whole idea of stealing from her is ridiculous.  The more they behave like this, the more you realise that you are right be NC as far as possible, but of course its still hard because it just shouldn't be like this.  Stay strong, and know that you are doing the right thing for you and people around you, and wasting emotional energy on someone you just cannot help it just futile.  Wish you well.

[funfunctional]

Thank you so much Linda Marie.

The false accusations are terrible.   BUT I totally get it.  That's what my sister does.   I have figured out that both her x husband and her current boyfriend seem to have an issue with me... .they don't like me.   This suits my BPD sister.   She doesn't WANT people to like me.  SHe wants people to hate me.  It gives her satisfaction in some way.     Actually - I have found that when I associate with people that don't know her - I am fine.  I get along.     No problems.   

It is sad to go no contact.   I can't do the drama anymore.   My husband went no contact with his BPD mother and I now with my sister.   We see the similarities in behavior.    So so many.     

My mom passed away as well.  Fairly young.    A time when we should have siblings shoulders to cry on we get all this garbage and nasty stuff.   I guess that's what friends are for.     

Take Care my friend!   

[vegagogo]

I don't have much to add except to say I am right here in the same boat with the same bucket trying to bail out my life from my sisters rages, obsessions, lies and manipulation. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I have endured too much and I am just over it.  I set my resolve and then dad calls all happy because sis called him. I don't want her back. But I do. I guess I want the fantasy of having a healthy relationship with her. Hang in there.

[funfunctional]

Yes.  Thanks for empathizing.    It is not easy.  I get the phone calls from Dad but told him I don't want to hear about sister anymore.  I also told him to stop sharing pieces of my life with her.  She can apologize and get it first hand if she wants to change from the nightmare of a person she has become.

Can't fix everyone... .my dream shattered too.     And it really was just a fantasy.