Harder for older people

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This BPD realationship break up for older people are horrible. Im 50 my BPD ex is 46. After being dumped, I feel like i wont ever have a chance to be loved again and that I need her as shes all I will ever be able to get. Im just still so crushed. Any thoughts for us older types?

[Deeno02]

This BPD realationship break up for older people are horrible. Im 50 my BPD ex is 46. After being dumped, I feel like i wont ever have a chance to be loved again and that I need her as shes all I will ever be able to get. Im just still so crushed. Any thoughts for us older types?

[Rifka]

This BPD realationship break up for older people are horrible. Im 50 my BPD ex is 46. After being dumped, I feel like i wont ever have a chance to be loved again and that I need her as shes all I will ever be able to get. Im just still so crushed. Any thoughts for us older types?

Deeno,

I will be 52 in October! I feel like a 21 year old in my heart, am energetic and as I'm told, hot!

Embrace your age, it's only a number!

Get out there and talk to people, join meetup groups, have some fun and live life!

There are tons of 50 plus young minded people out there! I know I am one!

Age is all in the mind!

Go shake it up somewhere and learn to have fun again on your own!

[mywifecrazy]

This BPD realationship break up for older people are horrible. Im 50 my BPD ex is 46. After being dumped, I feel like i wont ever have a chance to be loved again and that I need her as shes all I will ever be able to get. Im just still so crushed. Any thoughts for us older types?

Deeno,

I will be 52 in October! I feel like a 21 year old in my heart, am energetic and as I'm told, hot!

Embrace your age, it's only a number!

Get out there and talk to people, join meetup groups, have some fun and live life!

There are tons of 50 plus young minded people out there! I know I am one!

Age is all in the mind!

Go shake it up somewhere and learn to have fun again on your own!

Heeeey there good looking... .You come here often 

MWC . 46

[Nomad1027]

This BPD realationship break up for older people are horrible. Im 50 my BPD ex is 46. After being dumped, I feel like i wont ever have a chance to be loved again and that I need her as shes all I will ever be able to get. Im just still so crushed. Any thoughts for us older types?

Deeno02, I understand your pain and your fear.  I am in my mid 40's and I feel similarly.  I feel scared about starting over from scratch at "hello.  It's nice to me you" especially after feeling the seductive pull of what I am calling "the false soul mate". How long will it take to find another woman I can love and who will love me in a healthy way? Two years?  Five years?  Ten years?  Never?  The fear of being alone later in life and not finding a soul mate to share it with is very frightening to me.

I think a big part of my fear and pain with the breakup has to do with the end of the fantasy.  She and I talked about getting married and blending our two families into one larger one with 4 boys that were all pretty close in ages.  My sons are teenagers and now I am faced with the realization that by the time I heal, begin dating again, find the right woman, fall in love, and maybe get married, my children may be out of the house altogether.  My dream of having a traditional Mother-Father-Children family life, of having a strong, maternal influence on my sons' lives, and of showing them what love can look like between a man and a woman... .well.  It is all flickering out fast.

At the same time, I have come to realize that I need to take time for myself and heal so that my source of happiness is not dependent on another person or external source.  My children will be out of the house in 5 years, more or less.  What then?  I need to be ready to live alone and be content doing so.  Perhaps a special woman will come into my life later.  I don't know.  I hope so. 

My fantasy may not come to pass and there is little I can do about that.  But in the meantime, I will try to focus my energy on myself, find my own internal happiness and provide my kids with a loving home, even if it is just the three of us.

[blissful_camper]

I'm in my late 40's and had that concern as well. I decided that there was no point in worrying about it. It's fear-based thinking, and I knew that while it was natural for me to feel that way, it wouldn't serve me. I'm okay being alone right now. I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm not even ready to date.  I'm actively engaging in things that make me feel good, and challenge me on a psychological level so that I can heal and grow from the experience. For me, I have to do that alone. Who knows what the future holds. What's important to me is working with the now, and how I wish to utilize each moment. If I meet someone when I'm ready to date, cool. If that's not part of my life-path, I can accept that too. One thing that I remind myself, is to have faith that everything will be okay.

[sirius]

Age is just the matter of the mind, if you dont mind, it doesnt matter

[Aussie0zborn]

Well I'm sorry to say that I'm older than you and I used to think like you, too. That's what kept me in a horrible relationship that drained me mentally, physically and financially. I knew I was being abused in every which way but I too figured that was the best I was gonna get.

Since being dumped in the most abhorrent manner, I started out thinking as you do now. It was not pleasant and I didn't enjoy it. But I met a lovely young lady, way too young for me  and that put a spring in my step and snapped me out of your current thought process. But it was not really age appropriate so it had to end.

I wondered what kind of person I might meet and how would I connect with anyone. So after a long time I met a lovely lady by chance and now we have a wonderful relationship. I met her at fundraiser where I was volunteering. We took it slowly (unlike with a BPD person who has to hook you in quickly) Almost daily, I think about what a good match we are, how pleasant she is, how pleasant her family is and it all adds up to being absolutely wonderful.

Sometimes I sit back watching and admiring her and it seems surreal that I'm in a pleasant, happy, healthy relationship with this lovely person. Who would have thought this was possible? I certainly didn't but now I'm in the middle of it and I'm loving it.

It's out there, young man. Just hang in there and it will hit you in the face when you least expect it.

[Dutched]

We are encouraging towards our fellow members in order to support each other.

To give insight in our role, our self and our grieve and the processing of detachment  and healing.

All as greatly done in the replies and thanks a gain for those reminders! 

However, I agree it being harder for older people.

Being mid 50, another dimension can’t be neglected. That is an age in which a certain life goal is accomplished, kids studying or graduated, being independent, partners having time again for each other, mortgage paid, etc.

So one sits together on the couch with in general satisfying talks of the past and confident for the future, at least we did. Until the day…

What really happens is the family bond ( my case 30+ yrs) of “we” is gone. Gone are family traditions, Christmas, birthdays, routines and habits within the house. No more shopping together and drinking a taking a relaxed coffee break on a terrace. Kids must split themselves making many choices out of 2 worst, because of their love and loyalty.

Despite any dysfunction, your mate is gone, the one closed to you. No more wisdom, no more back up, no joined joys and pains. Bonds with the family of ex are broken, suddenly after decades. So no more celebrations and outgoings. Friends will choice a side. Couples socialize with couples. We used to see places with friends/family couples, no more.

Don’t understand me wrong, it is not attacking anyone, these are just plain consequences (don’t forget financial ones: my mortgage was paid, now due to, I needed a new one! So gone my retirement savings too.)

Yes, I have “grown” these last years. Step by step in this process, enjoying different of my new life.

Become a grandfather one day (of a daughter, with the same traits as her mom, that cut all contact too, as I am the source of all evil too) of a grandchild I probably will never see.

[mywifecrazy]

This BPD realationship break up for older people are horrible. Im 50 my BPD ex is 46. After being dumped, I feel like i wont ever have a chance to be loved again and that I need her as shes all I will ever be able to get. Im just still so crushed. Any thoughts for us older types?

Deeno02, I understand your pain and your fear.  I am in my mid 40's and I feel similarly. 

At the same time, I have come to realize that I need to take time for myself and heal so that my source of happiness is not dependent on another person or external source.

Deeno I, I feel your pain and what your mourning. I'm turning 50 next year any all my future plans and dreams with my uBPDxw vanished like Dust in the Wind.

What Nomad said here is oh so true. Our happiness should never be dependent on another person. There are plenty of single people that live happy productive lives and there are PLENTY of miserable married people who go through living a very unhealthy unfulfilling life.

Focus on You and your recovery. Become healthy as an individual. If you are meant to meet someone it will happen and it will be for the right reasons as you'll be healthy. And being single doesn't have to mean being lonely. He'll I was the loneliest man in the world when I was married to my uBPDxw. Now that she left me I'm becoming healthy and happy. Oh I was just like you mourning what I lost, or thought I lost. What I'm finding as I do the work to recover and become healthy is ME! "I once was lost but now I'm found, was blind but now I see"

Hang in there, peace is waiting for you. I know it's hard. You'll get there!

MWC... .

[Rifka]

If you are looking for age appropriate people who are also thinking the same way, look up meetup.com in your areas.

It's a really wonderful thing that started here in ny right after 9/11.

You will find groups of divorced, widowed, single people who are looking for groups of people to just do things with. It might be meeting for dinner or a movie, or volunteering together in a soup kitchen or doing a mud run, it's really wonderful and nobody ever has to be alone for holidays because people open their homes up to the groups.

Let me know what you think!

Rifka

I run groups like these for the past year. It's amazing how many wonderful peoplei have met!