Do You ever want to go N/C just to tell them OFF

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I guess, I am having a real bad two days.  I remember all the text saying about I am asking my counselor when I lost the trust with you or I guess you think you are so perfect and you expect me to do exactly as you asked.  Etc etc.

I never asked anything of her, on the other hand it was constant for her.  Trust?  WOW, she the one I caught active on the dating site.  I wish I would have text that and didn't .  Now I feel like it but realize my anger only opens up connections, she wins, and I look stupid and she doesn't really care, it's like torturing someone already wounded.  I really hate her today!  I guess revenge doesn't win here but so angry inside and realize I need to vent but let that go or else I am wrapped up again, and she could care less.  Anger is self defeating and punishes only me.  I know, but oh, how I wish, for fairplay now!

[outside9x]

I guess, I am having a real bad two days.  I remember all the text saying about I am asking my counselor when I lost the trust with you or I guess you think you are so perfect and you expect me to do exactly as you asked.  Etc etc.

I never asked anything of her, on the other hand it was constant for her.  Trust?  WOW, she the one I caught active on the dating site.  I wish I would have text that and didn't .  Now I feel like it but realize my anger only opens up connections, she wins, and I look stupid and she doesn't really care, it's like torturing someone already wounded.  I really hate her today!  I guess revenge doesn't win here but so angry inside and realize I need to vent but let that go or else I am wrapped up again, and she could care less.  Anger is self defeating and punishes only me.  I know, but oh, how I wish, for fairplay now!

[Blimblam]

I was there just the other day. No need to to feel guilty or ashamed it's not easy dealing with all this. The burdain or processing all this pain and silence

[AwakenedOne]

she could care less.

Telling her off might be a release for you but it would probably be just as productive if not more for you to just tell off your neighbors cat instead and just pretend it's her.

[AG]

I definitely have thoughts of vengeance as well. I cannot speak for all BPD but only from my experience and what happened to me. I actually did tell my BPD ex off when I was really angry however it just started being met by her sense of logic of why those things were justified. Then once again I ignored everything I read in stop walking on egg shells about not engaging in circular arguments and I just couldn't help myself but to try to battle her warped logic with real hard facts. Each fact kept being met with more warped logic this kept making me even more angry. I thought is she playing some type of game here I mean it is clear as day that 1+1=2 and it is clear as day that the sky is blue why is she debating something that is so obvious. I did not get a genuine apology all I got was more angry and sucked even deeper into some weird circular argument that was not based off actual things that happened. Then towards the very end of the argument I pretty much layed down all the facts to an undeniable extent even she could not warp it but guess what happened? It did not matter because she just took a route like this "well it's over with now so leave me alone about it". I don't think you can win this type of discussion with them our thought process does not work the same so we are at a serious disadvantage. Also even though you have a feeling of vengeance for now I seriously doubt that you have spent a life time seeking vengeance on others and perfecting skills that are geared towards things like lying, manipulating ect ect. So again we are at a disadvantage to tell them off. Also I think mine kind of got pleasure out of seeing me hurt and upset. I can only take an educated guess as to why based off of reading and just being around her but my guess is that she feels something like "Now you know how I feel, you have wronged me and you deserve this pain because this is the pain that you caused me before".


I'm sorry your angry man you definitely aren't alone and I battle back and forth with it myself. Maybe try taking your anger out on something that will benefit you like the gym or a boxing class or running or swimming or anything that will exhaust you. At least those things won't leave you mentally jacked up again like one of those circular arguments will leave you.

[outside9x]

I agree.  I just know that whatever point u make is useless. In fact she accuse me 1 time of forcing her to pay for the luggage on a trip. I paid for everything else and we agreed she would paid for that. Two weeks after the vacation she went into a rant on how cheap I was n I forced her despite her protesting she didn't want to do it. Which of course is insane. 

So when I pulled u an email I sent up the day before the trip thanking her so much for agreeing to pay for the luggage. She read that and her answer was, and the is almost laughable. Now your trying to introduced facts into this argument.  I kid you not. She said that.

[AG]

I agree.  I just know that whatever point u make is useless. In fact she accuse me 1 time of forcing her to pay for the luggage on a trip. I paid for everything else and we agreed she would paid for that. Two weeks after the vacation she went into a rant on how cheap I was n I forced her despite her protesting she didn't want to do it. Which of course is insane. 

So when I pulled u an email I sent up the day before the trip thanking her so much for agreeing to pay for the luggage. She read that and her answer was, and the is almost laughable. Now your trying to introduced facts into this argument.  I kid you not. She said that.

Dude mine was ranting on about things that were my fault and I kid you not within that rant she said "oh Im sorry Im 4"11". I just paused and was like what the heck? I didnt respond to that one becuz it shocked me so much and with that said that particular confromtation was over in my mind. Really? Her height is in the list of things that are my fault smh. The justification of anything they do is one of the more baffling parts of the disorder and is one of the things that I might never truly understand. I get it feelings override facts for them as I have read but these types pf things are on a new level. I always wonder do they know they are warping reality. I can understamd putting on a front in front of us for the sake of not loosing an argument but do they not have a moment to themselves when they finally say "wow did I just say that". This is one of the parts that yet again I guess we just have to come to acceptance of it is what it is vs trying to understand it.

[outside9x]

AWAKEN ONE.  I just loved your reply.  Humor is a great tool but beyond that, the funnier thing is , IT'S S-O-O-O TRUE!  The cat actually might get it, certainly not attack at least!

way too funny!  Love IT!

[outside9x]

AG,  I just read yours and that was hilarious also ! So  see size does matter, and you are too blame.

This what I think drives us and keeps us nuts, it is so F'ing crazy and we try to make sense of it, and we can't and we go over and over ways to try to either figure it out or make them understand.

The cat reference is one I will use always, and your story like mine and I am sure others will not only make us laugh at oursleves and this insanity but open doors.

My hope is that maybe this should be brought to others.  This Subject.  I think it's time that we all enjoy a laugh , because life to short and this is surely insanity to think and be with them!  

This is so much fun, and I mean good fun!

[Lolster]

It's a pointless exercise, they will ALWAYS be right (at least from their perspective).    I did initially block mine on fb when he started with his insecurity and projection following the last time we'd spent together.  I unblocked him just to tell him a few home truths... .which then meant I couldn't block him again for another 48hrs.  And all I got in return was some school boy ranting, which of course proved HE was right, and why I was soo mean. 

I've just realised it's now been 9 weeks NC, and I am so glad I haven't had the urge to unblock him again.  I'll possibly get a bunch of nasty texts (or apologetic ones) around Xmas when he's lonely.  My phone can't block fully, but I do have an app that redirects them away from my inbox.   

[Mutt]

I guess, I am having a real bad two days.  I remember all the text saying about I am asking my counselor when I lost the trust with you or I guess you think you are so perfect and you expect me to do exactly as you asked.  Etc etc.

I'm sorry that you are having a rough couple  of days. Take the above for what it is - projection. She lacks a stable sense of self and has insecurities. She doesn't trust herself and needs to project her negative feelings and feel good and as she says "perfect".

Was she controlling? Did she want you to do everything she asked? If she was then she was projecting.

It's not your fault.

[outside9x]

Thanks Mutt, of course she wanted me to do this and that and I did, but if I missed one, it depended on her, mood.  She would sometimes say no big deal, wait until spring, but if she got mad, it woudl be rage and she woudl say, you never even took care of that one thing I asked.  (Meaning the one she said let it wait until spring.

Another time, the front door to my apartment , the lock etc, was so bad, I had to drive my shoulder into it to get in and then sometimes it took 3 good wacks at it before openning.  FInally my landlord, a women brought the lock over, and said she couldn't install it until 3 days from now, since it was an easy job I said I'll do it, and she knocked $50 off my rent that month.

When my BPDgf called to talk, and I told her what happen she went inot a fit and said, wow you can fix her thigns but not mine!  Another time, driving home from work, I decide to buy strip steak and cook it on the grill that was right at my front door, she calls, asked me what I was doing, I said, I am cooking a steak on the grill.  I think she slammed down the phone and then called back and said, you never cook me steak.  But everytime I came over even during work (50 miles away mind you while she sat at home all day) I would pick up the food, she never ever once asked can I save you time and pick it up for you, or going out to eat I would pay and oh even buy her booze for her house which she consumed nitely etc.  In the early days, she used to cook once in awhile she was a very good cook.

Yep, everything was percieved as a slight.  Once they feel that way, its tough.  I don't care if you practice SET, it's their perception.  You are DOOM!  too funny!

[outside9x]

Well, got to admit it was all crazy but when normal she was so much fun and so darn attractive too but the mood could change without notice even during romantic dinners.    That sometimes keeps you trying to crack the code and I don't think you can even though they may beg you to come back  and part of you says yes, and the other part is in fear.  That part is sad .

[JonnyKrunch]

I guess, I am having a real bad two days.  I remember all the text saying about I am asking my counselor when I lost the trust with you or I guess you think you are so perfect and you expect me to do exactly as you asked.  Etc etc.

Take the above for what it is - projection. She lacks a stable sense of self and has insecurities. She doesn't trust herself and needs to project her negative feelings and feel good and as she says "perfect".

Wow. That flipped on a light inside of my brain.

I feel no need to elaborate other than I heard the word "perfect" in that context, a lot, a whole lot.

Heavy accent on "perfect" with a bit of smugness.

[Mutt]

Well, got to admit it was all crazy but when normal she was so much fun and so darn attractive too but the mood could change without notice even during romantic dinners.    That sometimes keeps you trying to crack the code and I don't think you can even though they may beg you to come back  and part of you says yes, and the other part is in fear.  That part is sad .

I cringed when couple's counselling came up. She would sulk after the sessions. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that. It's FOG - emotional blackmail. I found that the "bad times" far outweighed the good times. Remembering the bad times when I was ruminating helped me in detaching.

[JonnyKrunch]

When my BPDgf called to talk, and I told her what happen she went inot a fit and said, wow you can fix her thigns but not mine!  Another time, driving home from work, I decide to buy strip steak and cook it on the grill that was right at my front door, she calls, asked me what I was doing, I said, I am cooking a steak on the grill.  I think she slammed down the phone and then called back and said, you never cook me steak.  

I read this and got a good chuckle for about 5 seconds, then I got real quiet, solemn,

and I remembered, that was my life. In my case, I consider it the "good old days" when those

type of outbursts were all I had to worry about.



Stay wary my friend




Sometimes I exit this site and feel better, sometimes I don't

[outside9x]

Lolster, I am sure he not done with you quite yet until he finds another prey or in his mind, someone that really really cares for him.    Keep strong, they will wear you down and we do remember those good times but it's like running a race with four bad tires, ones going to blow, and soon the other.  There is no safe passage. Oh and when it does blow, you will be blamed.  Take care! 

[Duped11years]

Ive gone as far as pasting a text conversation we had into a word doc in an attempt to explain how she misinterpreted or wrongfully twisted the convo... .Even in a calm state (initially) she still twisted, and then exploded. You will never get through to them, facts dont matter.  

Im working hard on preparing myself to act in a calm, un-emotional manner, no JADE'ing, nothing, next time we cross paths.  Thats going to be my approach to telling her off.

   

[mywifecrazy]

OS9X,

#1 it's OK to be angry and pissed off. But you DO need to process it in a healthy way. Don't vent with her or tell her off. She will admit to nothing and as your conversing about above you will just be re-enter the wonderful world of OZ otherwise known as The Fog

Healthy ways to let it out. *Scream at the top of your lungs (when your alone ). Sounds weird but it works. *Get a punching bag. Say everything you wanted to tell her while you're beating the hell out of the bag. *Take long slow deep breaths when you can't scream and there's no punching bag in sight when anxiety hits*Workout*Find someone safe to b___ too* Keep posting on BPD.

I Actually tried to confront my uBPDxw about her lying. The whole conversation was her lying trying to convince me that she doesn't lie   Insert theme music from the twilight zone here

MWC... .

[outside9x]

mywifecrazy,  I thought that was humorous and informative too.    I did enjoy it.


JonnyKrunch:  COuld you explain more, but only if U want to.  If sound like your in pain, well, we all our at times.  When you said, those were the good old days.  Well, yes, when they were just little but out of the blue rifle shots, they just make you shake your head and say, what? .  I mean all people say things like that possibly from time to time, but they cornered the market on it, if it was only little rifles shots like those, or stingers, most could get by, but grouping them together and the other more serious stuff,  gets tense for all.