Dear me letter, when I want to break NC

[Recooperating]

Dear naive gollable me,

Please walk towards the mirror and take a good look at the reflection. Do me a favor and ask yourself this: Why would you want to break NC? What do you feel? Is what you feel sincere and please analyze the feeling and recognize it for what it truely is! Turn inside and ask yourself; Do you really want the drama again? Do you really love him for all he is or do you want to change him? Be honest, you want him to change. You dont love a person unconditionally if you want to change him! Love means total acceptance, the good the bad and the ugly. Why would you want this type of love? Do you really think you can fix him? Quite arrogant dont you think? He can only fix himself. You want to be a "good person", dear me? Then let him go! Its not only the best thing for you, its the best thing for him to. He deserves unconditional love, acceptance and you can't give him that! You want to rescue him? That let him go, let him experience consequences of his actions.

Look closer in the mirror dear me. Do you really think he loves you? NO dear me, he loves the way you make him feel. Thats not love! He loves your attention and devotion to him, he loves the way you fix his problems. He loves how you make him look. He loves you like a trophy, he loves how you look at him in admiration. He loves how he can rely on you to attempt to fill his emptiness that he cant handle himself. He loves to absorb your positive outlook on life, he loves to drain it. He loves you cause you give him supply.

Look in the mirror dear me and tell me honestly, is this the kind of love you deserve? Is this the kind of love he deserves? Look at your eyes dear me and see the scars. Where is the twinkle in your eyes? Where is your smile? It was taken from you. A person that loves you doesnt take that from you, he would want to intensify and motivate it.

Dear me, would a person that loves and respect you manipulate you? Would a person that loves you cheat on you, rage at you, accuse you of unspeakable things? Yes, there were goid times. Embrace them, cherrish them and find comfort that amongst chaos and abuse you have experienced something good too. Hug the memory, love the memory, then let it go. He wants you back, he says he loves you more than anything, he says he cant live without you, he says he will take his life if you dont come back. Please dear me, see it for what it is, manipulation. Dear me, you have tried, you have recycled so many times, the outcome has always been the same. Heartache, disapointment, chaos, drama, mind games. Dear me, this is not what love is.

Dear me, you have managed to break free. You have managed to take control back. You are free, there is a field of oppotunities for you now. I know you are scared, you are afraid of the unknown. This toxic relationship has been your comfort zone for so long. Stepping into the unknown is scary, but give it time. Although it doesnt feel like it now, time is your best friend.

You have fought dear me, you have sacrifised dear me, you have been trapped, tangled in a web of attachment to somthing toxic, but you made it out. You have a great chance, to find peace, clarity, tranquility, harmony and above all love SELF LOVE.

Love dear me, love, love yourself enough to submit to the natural flow of life. Love yourself enough to set yourself free. Step out of the toxic comfort zone. Do yourself a favor; let it go. Do him a favor, let him go.

Dear me, look in the mirror and repeat after me;

I will stay NC, because I love me.

[myself]

Great letter! Yes, use it when you need reminders of the truth.

When you're more past this, write another letter to yourself.

Describing how lovely life's become. Adding to it everyday.

[bunnysc]

Thanks so much! I can relate so much to ^^. I will keep it and read it every day thanks ;-)

[Loveofhislife]

BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL--amazing; did I say beautiful? I am crying out loud. This is an answer to my T's homework for me and an answer to a prayer. So real and heartfelt. May I plagiarize?

[Rifka]

Dear naive gollable me,

Please walk towards the mirror and take a good look at the reflection. Do me a favor and ask yourself this: Why would you want to break NC? What do you feel? Is what you feel sincere and please analyze the feeling and recognize it for what it truely is! Turn inside and ask yourself; Do you really want the drama again? Do you really love him for all he is or do you want to change him? Be honest, you want him to change. You dont love a person unconditionally if you want to change him! Love means total acceptance, the good the bad and the ugly. Why would you want this type of love? Do you really think you can fix him? Quite arrogant dont you think? He can only fix himself. You want to be a "good person", dear me? Then let him go! Its not only the best thing for you, its the best thing for him to. He deserves unconditional love, acceptance and you can't give him that! You want to rescue him? That let him go, let him experience consequences of his actions.

Look closer in the mirror dear me. Do you really think he loves you? NO dear me, he loves the way you make him feel. Thats not love! He loves your attention and devotion to him, he loves the way you fix his problems. He loves how you make him look. He loves you like a trophy, he loves how you look at him in admiration. He loves how he can rely on you to attempt to fill his emptiness that he cant handle himself. He loves to absorb your positive outlook on life, he loves to drain it. He loves you cause you give him supply.

Look in the mirror dear me and tell me honestly, is this the kind of love you deserve? Is this the kind of love he deserves? Look at your eyes dear me and see the scars. Where is the twinkle in your eyes? Where is your smile? It was taken from you. A person that loves you doesnt take that from you, he would want to intensify and motivate it.

Dear me, would a person that loves and respect you manipulate you? Would a person that loves you cheat on you, rage at you, accuse you of unspeakable things? Yes, there were goid times. Embrace them, cherrish them and find comfort that amongst chaos and abuse you have experienced something good too. Hug the memory, love the memory, then let it go. He wants you back, he says he loves you more than anything, he says he cant live without you, he says he will take his life if you dont come back. Please dear me, see it for what it is, manipulation. Dear me, you have tried, you have recycled so many times, the outcome has always been the same. Heartache, disapointment, chaos, drama, mind games. Dear me, this is not what love is.

Dear me, you have managed to break free. You have managed to take control back. You are free, there is a field of oppotunities for you now. I know you are scared, you are afraid of the unknown. This toxic relationship has been your comfort zone for so long. Stepping into the unknown is scary, but give it time. Although it doesnt feel like it now, time is your best friend.

You have fought dear me, you have sacrifised dear me, you have been trapped, tangled in a web of attachment to somthing toxic, but you made it out. You have a great chance, to find peace, clarity, tranquility, harmony and above all love SELF LOVE.

Love dear me, love, love yourself enough to submit to the natural flow of life. Love yourself enough to set yourself free. Step out of the toxic comfort zone. Do yourself a favor; let it go. Do him a favor, let him go.

Dear me, look in the mirror and repeat after me;

I will stay NC, because I love me.

That was fantastic! I hope it keeps you from breaking n/c.

It really is a wonderful feeling to get out the door close it, and seal it behind you!

Peace is on the other side!

[outside9x]

That was truly wonderful and true.  The part that always get's me that causes me angst, is that somehow, they get it, they learn something, for the next, and then I looped back to the what if's but like you, I went back several times, only to see it become worst, not better, but the time in between wasn't that long maybe 2 months, and constant contact here and there but reading and reading so much about other going back the story seems always the same. 

So, that's the hope I need to finally give up, that by my N/C totally she would learn especially at her age , but I don't think so as she has cosmetically enhances her self after each break with other suitors or husbands and did so again, and more importantly, learns nothing and blames /paints black the other person .  No responsibility what so ever and more importantly breaking N/C makes us suffer even more listening to how we failed them and didn't stand by them even when they cheated, raged, or demeaned us  etc.  Yes, that is hardly love as you say, so hopefully I will hurdle that last one.  It's at times keeps me frozen and I want to just walk and breathe again.  Thank You

[love2give]

Thank you.   

[jayboy336]

Wow. Amazing letter. I wish I read that yesterday

Every single thing you put in this letter I can relate to. Everything. I couldnt of wrote it better myself. I think it would be an awesome idea for each of us to write a letter to ourselves similar to this and hang it up in our walls as we recover from these types of relationships.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

A powerful read - thank you so much for posting.  They need to be loved and we need to love.  But more - we also need to be loved as well as to love.  The BPD always hurts us in the end.  My hurt when my BPDxgp left me for another almost destroyed me.  Now with every day I am getting stronger.  Please retain NC - I firmly believe it is the key to recovery.

[Recooperating]

Thank you all for your kind responses! I am truely thankfull for these boards. Friends and family dont understand. It always amazes me how we are all in the same situation and we here all understand what we are going through. We may be in different stages of the process and we walk our own paths to healing, but the core of it is the same for all of us.

I received a text last night from my dexBPDbf, saying he still wants to work at it, he loves me, bla bla bla. He got himself a new number to text me, cause his old number I blocked. I recycled so many times, so he's sure Ill come back. The text last night made me write the letter and it helped me stay NC. I blocked this number too and went on with my evening.

It felt good.

Thank you all for your encouragement! 

[Rifka]

Thank you all for your kind responses! I am truely thankfull for these boards. Friends and family dont understand. It always amazes me how we are all in the same situation and we here all understand what we are going through. We may be in different stages of the process and we walk our own paths to healing, but the core of it is the same for all of us.

I received a text last night from my dexBPDbf, saying he still wants to work at it, he loves me, bla bla bla. He got himself a new number to text me, cause his old number I blocked. I recycled so many times, so he's sure Ill come back. The text last night made me write the letter and it helped me stay NC. I blocked this number too and went on with my evening.

It felt good.

Thank you all for your encouragement! 

My ex always gave it his all to try and sway me back, he also thought that it would work again like his prior episode. This last, was my last!

N/C is the only way to stop this roller coaster and take control of you!

Keep strong and keep blocking everything. It's hard but a must to get out for good!

Rifka

[trampledfoot]

This was so poignant and heartfelt and spot on. Thank you so much I need to write something identical.

[outside9x]

WOW, You are so strong, even him getting a new phone number and contacting you with a message.  I don't know, I am too weak right now, I might have bent, and giving in.  I know I can't change her, that's a fact, but keep reading all these things about SET, setting boundaries etc, and thinking maybe if I knew that it would have help.  I pretty much labeled her as crazy with her actions and stories , and raging/hitting but now told I shouldn't have and feel bad but I also know trying to live and keep them to respect you, love you is  near impossible.  It's only when you leave or threaten to leave (The abandonment t fears ) is when they miss you, well, not miss you, it's when they feel empty and want you back but that's a tough life to live.  Not normal for sure.  Not sure if they love you or just need you, for if they could love I always tell myself, how could they be so cruel.  Then it get circular again, because they are BPD.  The excuse.