Holiday/Vacation stories.

[Infern0]

Mine is on holiday with the replacement right now,  the replacement put a picture of the view of the Spanish coast and someone commented "looks like heaven" his response. ... ."more like hell".

I have heard that vacations are really bad with pwBPD. Anyone care to divulge?

[freedom33]

I think travelling can bring some stress and this combined with the fact that we were spending a lot of time non-stop together over a period of time would cause issues. Mine would dysregulate heavily on the 3rd day we spent in a row together. Whether on holiday abroad or taking time off and hanging out at my flat - the 3rd day thing was a pattern. After our first argument then depending on how well I 'd manage it could either ruin the entire holiday or just dysregulate once a every day or so. When I realised this I decided to see her max 2 days a week. That seemed to work better.

[Hawk Ridge]

My ex is quite aware that birthdays and holidays have always been a challenge for me due to FOO issues.  Before my 50th birthday, we planned a special vacation out of the country.  Planning planning planning.  4 days before we were due to fly out, she TEXTED to ask if it would be ok if we cancelled the trip. This was after about 2 months of erratic, irritable behavior on her part which I had hoped would subside with a vacation.  Anyway, when I spoke with her in response to the text, i had a hard time believing what was happening so I sounded irritated.  Then, she decided we needed a break so she could take "space."  I was unbelievably crushed.  3 weeks later, she asked me back.  I noticed the same cycle happen 5 months later.  At Christmas, she was distant and avoidant throughout the holiday season, eventually leaving me in March. I am still struggling with PTSD and depression.  Yeah, birthdays and holidays are a freaking treat, a chance to predict the unpredictable... .and pain.

[crookedeuphoria]

3 months in. We were going on a vacation that he had won, all expenses paid. While there, I got really sick, sicker than I have probably been in my entire life. BUT, new relationship, vacation, I didn't want to be a downer. I friggin ZIPLINED in the mountains with the flu. I toured caverns with the flu. I think we were there for five days and not one time did I say that I didn't want to do something because I wasn't feeling well. UNTIL the last night. There was a musician playing at a local bar and I just needed to stay in bed. It was the first rage I saw. He ranted and raved and yelled at me. Meanwhile, I was curled up in bed, freeeeezing my ass off. He even took a picture, of me in bed and him flipping me off. He went to the bar without me and came back and slept on the little loveseat that was in our hotel room. The next day, drive to the airport, flight, drive home from the airport, NOT ONE WORD was spoken to me.

And I went back to him. Because I loved him 

[Boss302]

I was completely unable to plan trips with BPDx. For her, it all got wrapped up with control issues, and being deathly afraid of disappointing people. So she'd do things like... .send me and the kids back home for Christmas... .on one way tickets, with a promise of "we'll have tickets on the way back." Then when we got to the airport, finding there were no tickets, no reservations... .and having to buy one way plane tickets same day, a couple days after Christmas. So much for the rent money. On the way to the airport, she was faking all kinds of dire medical symptoms. Once we got there, it became clear why she was doing it - she screwed up the tickets. But it gets better... .she had flown out a day after me and kids, and parked the car in some unknown economy lot, and never bothered to write down which one she had parked at. . I had to search through every economy lot at Denver International Airport, in the middle of the night, in dead of winter, using the "hit the panic button on the key fob" method. It took me two hours to find the car.

That was among the first instances that I really, actually let myself be angry at her to her face, and in front of the kids. I was FURIOUS.

She also once decided that even though we couldn't afford to travel to her dad's wedding (the poor gal... .she had no idea what a bunch of whack-jobs she was marrying into), she was ONCE AGAIN going to spend the rent money, drive to the airport with the kids, and buy tickets. The only way I could stop her from doing that was by calling the bank and telling them her card was stolen. She couldn't charge anything after that.

That's the kind of garbage I had to put up with... .

The irony? She tells people her current job is as a "logistics director." I'm amazed the company hasn't gone Chapter 11.

[Second Birth]

I think traveling is hard on almost everyone... .getting overtired, getting lost, traffic, delays, jet lag, etc.  There is also the pressure of high expectations to have a great time, accomodating the needs of friends/family and sharing the attention of loved ones with others.  Take someone with BPD who likes to be in control and you have a strong likelihood of disaster.

I don't think my husband and I have ever been away from home more than 24 hours without him spending a significant portion of the time in bed "sick".  Airports are particularly stressful for him and he routinely complains about everything, has been known to make disparaging comments about people nearby and acts much like an overtired or tantruming child.  For the last several years,  I travel alone to family events and leave him home.  I have had to explain that traveling is simply to difficult for us as a couple.  Frankly, he seems relieved.

[Tater tot]

My expwdbf hadn't taken a vacation in a decade. We ended up meeting up for a weekend getaway and it was a nightmare, the beginning and the end of the r/s. He felt like making the trip there was enough, he made no plans, had no interested in doing anything, and found an excuse for everything that I suggested. We spent most of the weekend in the hotel because he refused to make any plans, yet shot down any of my ideas. Lightbulb moment, perhaps it wasn't me, but the whole "being away from home" experience... .

[Bak86]

I haven't been on holiday with her(thank god), but she told me some stories. She told me she was on holiday with 2 friends. And they were super mean to her during the vacation and that she never spoke to them again after the holiday. When she told me, i thought "poor girl". Now i think to myself that the girls were probably normal and she was the one who was mean.  

She also told me if she were on holiday with a man, she wouldn't leave the hotel room for a week. Marathon sex and all. This coming from a girl who is TERRIFIED of sex and the biggest prude i've ever seen.

And i went on holiday with a friend back in march, she was surprised i wasn't stressed out. She said this to me 2 weeks before i went(2 WEEKS!). I told her, no i don't get stressed out, only the day before maybe. She couldn't get her head around this. She told me she would be stressed out of her mind at least a month in advance.  

[Indyan]

It was supposed to be our first holidays together this year, visiting our families (who live in the same city) with baby.

He "dumped" me 3 days before the trip, and I ended up driving 1000 km alone with the kids. There he went NC for 1 week, then decided to spend THE WHOLE SUMMER at his parent's house.

I found this so humiliating, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive.

[JB8888]

my BPDex eyes would light up when we planned a holiday and every time we would break up right before... .or she would argue with someone we were going to see and it would almost be cancelled hours before. So I stopped planning in advance as the expense was always on my back and my loss. She would book trips all the time with her friends, not invite me, or ask me an hour before leaving so I couldn't go. Then send messages "wish you were here" then go awol for days which was fine - enjoy your trip. But if I went away without her - e.g to a friends bday weekend or to see my godkid she would ruin my trip by obsessive, jealous calls and raging abuse. She hated me having fun without her. Enough to put me in a bad mood or be distracted worrying about how to calm her down.

She of course took my replacement on the exact dream trip I had planned for us for the summer... .a month after we split (he paid of course). Also took him on a food expedition (number 1 on my itinerary for our trip). And then copied my playlist of all our songs and made her own new one for the roadtrip. Needless to say, all ties cut on social media from now on. I was hurt at first, then remembered being in paradise on trips with her and the mood swings, the nasty fights with friends, and the endless drama - even in a beautiful place where nothing should matter but the moment. Better him than me. Think of the savings!

[purpleavocado]

It was her way or the highway, just like everything else. At first we traveled well together, but that was because I would do whatever she wanted to do, and in the beginning she was on her best behavior. She would occasionally plan things that she knew I would like, but then would frequently find ways to ruin them. Once we were meeting halfway (it was initially a long distance relationship) and when I got there she was already drunk and belligerent and ruined the entire weekend. Another time we got into a fight the day we got there about what time we would leave. One time we were at the beach, which I sorely missed after moving to be with her- she knew there was nothing I loved more than swimming but the weather had been bad until the last day. I told her I'd like to swim for an hour or so before heading home and she threw a fit and wouldn't let me.

And on almost all of our 'vacations' she would come home and throw it in my face that it 'wasn't the same' as it was in the beginning of our relationship and just wasn't as fun.

Every trip to visit my family with her was a disaster of epic proportions. She was disrespectful, rude, and awful. To this day I hate thinking about it.

[RedDove]

Yup, same here. During the 1st year together in the summer my ex BPDbf booked a camping site for the entire months of July & August. He had a large trailer and was all excited about the fun times we'd have together camping. He's a teacher and has summers off. We had fun for the most part. However, it was because I was only allowed to come to the camping site on weekends, AND only for one day/night! He'd stay all week and I'd join him after work on a Friday, or on Saturday afternoon.

I'd always show up with take out food, wine, snacks, marshmallows etc. for smores. Sometimes he'd cook on the open fire pit, which I thought was sweet. But, it was only for a short period of time, just one day/night. He'd always say his son or a buddy was coming the other night so sorry, but I couldn't stay the entire weekend. I believe now he was inviting OW (pluraral) when I wasn't allowed to come. He also didn't want me to meet his sons.

Two other trips over 3 day holiday weekends (paid for by me) to the ocean/beach were horrid. I'd make plans, sight seeing, seeing beaches I went to as a kid, restaurant reservations, etc. and he'd want to spend the entire time in the hotel room watching TV and ordering take out. it was a waste of money!

Oh, and the "most" horrid vacation planning... .one month before I ended it this past summer he actually suggested going camping and taking "our" annual trip to the ocean. Little did I know at that point he already had started seeing the OW. When I confronted him I said, "then why we're you making vacation plans with me for the summer?" His response was, "it was just about sex, hasn't anyone ever lied to you to get sex before?" Sure, like 30 years ago when we were in high school! So crazy and messed up!

[tim_tom]

Mine gave me the silent treatment for 4 hours the minute we landed, 2 - 3 other times during the relationship and then a huge fight when we got home that I don't and didn't even know what triggered it.

Damn, thinking about this stuff really makes feel*... ... .wth am I pining for


*Not think... Feel. I've been thinking for awhile this was good, but actually feeling it now makes me think I've made a lot of progress

[maric]

The last vacation was the last nail on the coffin. Here it goes:

I have left for Christmas with my family – my family is from Brazil, we were living in Germany, she's german. 6 days later she would join me, and we were supposed to travel around Brazil. I was super happy I could show her around etc. And I gave the plane tickets as a gift; the trip was planned together for months. Last day in Germany, she betrays me with a friend from college. Then she comes to Brazil, arrives at my place and tells me that she wants a life and kids with him, she's actually straight (we had a gay relationship for 1 and a half year) and yes, she had betrayed me with him and she liked (insert here some graphic details).

She never travelled with me. I was left alone for New Year's and vacation. They are still together, as far as I know. After that, I have left Germany for good, came back to Brazil to restart my life. Two months ago she writes me saying that she's coming to live in Brazil in 2015. :-/ I'm running to the hills, this time.

[Pingo]

These stories get me agitated reading them b/c they remind me so much of my r/s.  Some of the vacations that he ruined:

My good friend lives in the mountains about 8 hrs away from me.  We travelled up there a couple of times a year and EVERY SINGLE TIME he had to do something to make it horrible.  One time I supposedly argued with him about the fact a certain airline didn't fly out of a certain city we were driving through (I did not remember this argument, this was his story).  That set him off and said I 'acted different' every time we went to my friend's.  Another time I didn't take a picture fast enough that he asked me to take while he was driving.  2 days of silent treatment.  Another time he was having a problem with his laptop and I was doing the dishes and when he asked for help I said just a minute as I finished the dishes.  Big mistake!  2 days of silent treatment.  One time we took my son with us and I was really concerned that it was going to be a long trip for him and he might get on ex's nerve but he turned out just fine the whole trip.  It was my ex who was the giant child and nit-picked at him the whole weekend and then silent treatment to both of us for 12 hr drive home!  And so many other similar stories.

I took him to a B&B for his 50th a week after I threw him a surprise birthday party.  We were up in the mountains and he let me drive his 'cherished' truck.  We met another truck and I pulled over to the side.  He freaked out, said I was too close to the edge (there was a drop off) and wouldn't talk to me after that.  I pulled over to let him drive and then when we got back to the B&B, he tried to log on to his laptop but it wouldn't log on.  I could get on with my phone and checked fb and told him his daughter wished him a happy birthday.  He freaked again!  ":)on't you think I would have liked to see that for myself?" is what he said.  Then silent treatment.  That time I walked out, started walking to the gas station to call a cab home but he called and convinced me he was sorry and to come back.  But he was still and ass the rest of the weekend.  What a waste of money!

The last vacation was a trip to another province and we drove.  My daughter was meeting us half way through the vacation and driving back with us.  I hadn't seen my daughter in 10 mths and was so excited.  The trip started out with him freaking b/c the hotel room I got didn't have parking directly out front.  He started to rage and told me to go to the front desk and give them ___ (he had rifles we were travelling with and was really sketchy about anyone seeing him unpack them from the truck.  I was supposed to have made sure that our room had a parking spot out front, which I did but it turned out it was about 20 ft away).  I said no, I wasn't going to the front desk, he can if he wants so he did but of course there was no other room available.  I had spent $500 on a two night stay here btw.  He settled down and then things were okay for a few days.  Then when it got close to the time my daughter was about to join us he started acting strange.  When she arrived he nit picked every single thing she did and said.  I asked could he not just let me enjoy my daughter, I hadn't seen her in so long.  But nope, he started really ramping it up, accusing her of all kinds of stuff (behind her back) until he was unbearable to be around.  The whole drive home he was driving like a madman, wouldn't talk to anyone, wouldn't let the kids open the back windows of the truck.  CRAZY!  I swore I would never go on another vacation with him again without driving myself.  It never came to that, I broke up with him before we had a chance.

Sorry for ranting, I can't believe how much this stuff still upsets me. 

[Pingo]

And BTW, I paid for all those trips^^... .the last one costing me about $3000!  Which I'm still paying for!

[Lion Fire]

she begged me to take her with me to my homeland. She wanted to go for a few weeks. i set it all up, booked flights, arranged accommodation, outings , planned a road trip within the holiday etc. Cost me a fortune!

Things had been rocky for a while and then derailed a few days before we were due to fly. She was crazy. She told me she didn't want to go, it was a mad time. In desperation, I begged her to just come with me, that we'd get some space away from the big city and spend quality time. it was on-off-on-off for days... .

The day we were meant to fly was the most insane day of my life... .she was mental in the morning, kicked me out of her apartment, let me back in to pack my stuff, left herself, came back, told me to leave again with my stuff, I left, she called me and begged me to come back... .I came back... .she packed and we left for the airport, she insisted on stopping and getting her nails done  ... .almost missed the flight, she was all over me with affection in the airport, flipped out in the plane... .sulked when she met my family, told me to sleep somewhere else (in my family's house!) I refused, she squirmed snd seethed all night... .woke me up in the morning and verbally abused me for 2 hrs... .the vilest words... .I told her to leave... .she hung around sulking and crying... .I had enough, took her to the station and she went to stay with friends of a friend. She couldn't believe I had "manned up" and "grown some balls" (words she would goad me with regularly)... .It was over for me... .then it got crazier but that's another story 

Our r/s ended on holiday.

[Indyan]

she begged me to take her with me to my homeland. She wanted to go for a few weeks. i set it all up, booked flights, arranged accommodation, outings , planned a road trip within the holiday etc. Cost me a fortune!

Things had been rocky for a while and then derailed a few days before we were due to fly. She was crazy. She told me she didn't want to go, it was a mad time. In desperation, I begged her to just come with me, that we'd get some space away from the big city and spend quality time. it was on-off-on-off for days... .

The day we were meant to fly was the most insane day of my life... .she was mental in the morning, kicked me out of her apartment, let me back in to pack my stuff, left herself, came back, told me to leave again with my stuff, I left, she called me and begged me to come back... .I came back... .she packed and we left for the airport, she insisted on stopping and getting her nails done  ... .almost missed the flight, she was all over me with affection in the airport, flipped out in the plane... .sulked when she met my family, told me to sleep somewhere else (in my family's house!) I refused, she squirmed snd seethed all night... .woke me up in the morning and verbally abused me for 2 hrs... .the vilest words... .I told her to leave... .she hung around sulking and crying... .I had enough, took her to the station and she went to stay with friends of a friend. She couldn't believe I had "manned up" and "grown some balls" (words she would goad me with regularly)... .It was over for me... .then it got crazier but that's another story 

Our r/s ended on holiday.

Wow, what a story!

Our r/s also ended on holiday... .and I don't know if it will go back on track one day.

[Tater tot]

she begged me to take her with me to my homeland. She wanted to go for a few weeks. i set it all up, booked flights, arranged accommodation, outings , planned a road trip within the holiday etc. Cost me a fortune!

Things had been rocky for a while and then derailed a few days before we were due to fly. She was crazy. She told me she didn't want to go, it was a mad time. In desperation, I begged her to just come with me, that we'd get some space away from the big city and spend quality time. it was on-off-on-off for days... .

The day we were meant to fly was the most insane day of my life... .she was mental in the morning, kicked me out of her apartment, let me back in to pack my stuff, left herself, came back, told me to leave again with my stuff, I left, she called me and begged me to come back... .I came back... .she packed and we left for the airport, she insisted on stopping and getting her nails done  ... .almost missed the flight, she was all over me with affection in the airport, flipped out in the plane... .sulked when she met my family, told me to sleep somewhere else (in my family's house!) I refused, she squirmed snd seethed all night... .woke me up in the morning and verbally abused me for 2 hrs... .the vilest words... .I told her to leave... .she hung around sulking and crying... .I had enough, took her to the station and she went to stay with friends of a friend. She couldn't believe I had "manned up" and "grown some balls" (words she would goad me with regularly)... .It was over for me... .then it got crazier but that's another story 

Our r/s ended on holiday.

Wow, what a story!

Our r/s also ended on holiday... .and I don't know if it will go back on track one day.

Yep ours essentially ended on/getting back from vacation.

[purpleavocado]

Mine was supposed to meet me at the airport to fly to see my family for Christmas. She nearly missed the flight. On Christmas eve. The last flight out. Because she "had to work late." No one else was there... .but of course she was a VIP. She literally showed up 60 seconds before they closed the flight door, then she acted like I should kiss her feet for showing up. I'm actually somewhat convinced she was already there but hiding in the bathroom.

[Perez]

This topic is therapeutic to write about.  Our worst vacation was a one week family beach house vacation.  We drove and arrived late in the evening.  After walking several flights of stairs multiple times, getting the kids to bed, etc. she insisted that I drive 30 minutes to the closest grocery store to stock up.  Exhausted, I made the trip to the grocery store, silly me did not buy any romantic food or drink.  When I got back in I was interrogated why I did not buy some nice wine for that evening.  I responded that I was tired and had not thought about it, don't worry we will buy it tomorrow, and sorry for my lapse of judgment.

My wife went into a tirade about how I did not ever think of her, I had ruined the vacation, etc... .and promptly threw me out of the bedroom onto the paper thin couch.  What followed was an entire week of the silent treatment, except for the call I received in the middle of the night half way through the week that she was walking along the shore, wanted to walk into the water and kill herself, and it was all my fault.

Well I went back looking for her, did not find her, but fortunately she made it back.  After a couple of days of trying to make it right and meeting with a stone wall of resistance, I decided to let it go and enjoy my time anyway.  I think that made her the angriest of all.

[workinprogress]

Well, my BPD wife would refuse to go on vacation for years when we were first married.  She claimed that she didn't want to spend the money on it.  She was a stay at home mom, and I worked tons of hours.  I really needed a break.  I told her about a study that said that if you didn't go on vacation once a year that your chances of having a heart attack increased.  She immediately doubted the validity of the study.

Well, eventually we started going on family vacations.  During all of those vacations my wife never slept in the bed with me.  Not one night!  I hated that!

She always slept on the couch.

Sometimes I would wake up in the bed alone and think, "it would be so nice to wake up with a woman beside me in the morning on vacation."  Of course, my wife was touch averse, so it might not have been nice.

[ciel]

Oh my, yes.

He was always completely disinterested in planning itineraries or choosing hotels, but lord have mercy on me if a hotel should fail to meet his standards.  Plus he never wanted to stay for more than one/two nights in once place... .or let me drive, of course.  The exhaustion only added to the stress.  If I made a mistake on the directions, I'd get rage followed by silent treatment, every time.  I was walking on eggshells constantly hoping that the next hotel, next restaurant, next sight would meet his standards or else.  One time a flight was late and we got stuck in our stopover city.  That was fun.  Thankfully the airline provided us with a hotel he approved of.

Once, in the beginning, we went on a weekend trip to a really neat city.  Sitting on the beach the afternoon before our evening flight, he became convinced I was eye-flrting with some guy, sending signals of some sort?  I had no idea, still don't know which guy or what I did that made him think that.  He instantly flipped into seething, silent rage, but wouldn't tell me why, for hours.  "You know why I'm mad" was all I got until we were on the airplane that night.  This after spending a really good weekend together, probably our best. 

Should have run for the hills right then and there, but better late than never?

[Tibbles]

Holidays and vacations were terrible. He always said his holidays as a child were full of drama and fights and he didn't want that for his family so he tried to control everything so tightly that nothing went wrong. As long as we all did what he wanted when he wanted they went fine. If any of us - me or the kids slipped up - he went into great rages. Not a fun time at all - very stressful.

[Springle]

These are some stories.

I've never been away with a pwBPD but I noticed that about 3/4 months into their relationship my non-exbf and his new dBPDgf went away on their first vacation to Paris, for what I could only assume was some 'romantic' get away. I noticed in all the photos he looks really tired and worn out, and a little grumpy; in absolutely none is he really smiling or looking like he is enjoying himself. In fact he picked a really strange one for his cover photo of the two of them, just in some street (doesn't even look like Paris) oddly cropped and he looks miserable (she looks like she is making fun of him in the photo actually), really REALLY bizarre choice. I just thought, wow if that was the best can you image the rest of the album.

[Indyan]

This topic is therapeutic to write about.  Our worst vacation was a one week family beach house vacation.  We drove and arrived late in the evening.  After walking several flights of stairs multiple times, getting the kids to bed, etc. she insisted that I drive 30 minutes to the closest grocery store to stock up.  Exhausted, I made the trip to the grocery store, silly me did not buy any romantic food or drink.  When I got back in I was interrogated why I did not buy some nice wine for that evening.  I responded that I was tired and had not thought about it, don't worry we will buy it tomorrow, and sorry for my lapse of judgment.

My wife went into a tirade about how I did not ever think of her, I had ruined the vacation, etc... .and promptly threw me out of the bedroom onto the paper thin couch.  What followed was an entire week of the silent treatment, except for the call I received in the middle of the night half way through the week that she was walking along the shore, wanted to walk into the water and kill herself, and it was all my fault.

Well I went back looking for her, did not find her, but fortunately she made it back.  After a couple of days of trying to make it right and meeting with a stone wall of resistance, I decided to let it go and enjoy my time anyway.  I think that made her the angriest of all.

Oh Lord, I couldn't help laughing, sorry