Is there some kind of legal action to protect you from BPD misrepresntation?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi all,

This is the first time I ever posted on the legal board.  My BPDsis who is also schizoaffective is having serious paranoia about one of her neighbors.  She was recently mental health arrested and held for 6 days.  Since she's been out she has filed paperwork I believe with the court system complaining about her "unlawful arrest, neighbor, etc." and in it she states:

"I am very close to asking my father to hire a private investigator if nothing is done about this. He will do that for me. Take that to the bank. His daughter's life is in jeoparday, and he likes guns too."

This is a threat that she is pulling my Dad into.  My Dad is NC with her.  I am seriously concerned that the cops are going to come to speak with him.  I'm waiting until after Christmas to tell my parents about this at all as it seems BPDsis ruins every holiday, I want them to enjoy it as much as possible.

What can be done to protect him from this, anything?

Any advice would be great.

[sisterofbpd]

Hi all,

This is the first time I ever posted on the legal board.  My BPDsis who is also schizoaffective is having serious paranoia about one of her neighbors.  She was recently mental health arrested and held for 6 days.  Since she's been out she has filed paperwork I believe with the court system complaining about her "unlawful arrest, neighbor, etc." and in it she states:

"I am very close to asking my father to hire a private investigator if nothing is done about this. He will do that for me. Take that to the bank. His daughter's life is in jeoparday, and he likes guns too."

This is a threat that she is pulling my Dad into.  My Dad is NC with her.  I am seriously concerned that the cops are going to come to speak with him.  I'm waiting until after Christmas to tell my parents about this at all as it seems BPDsis ruins every holiday, I want them to enjoy it as much as possible.

What can be done to protect him from this, anything?

Any advice would be great.

[Matt]

I'm not a lawyer, and nobody here can give you legal advice, but I think if your father doesn't want to hear from your sister, he can probably get an "order of protection" or "restraining order" to prevent her from making any contact with him.

But would it be a big problem if your sister contacted him and asked him to hire an investigator?  Can he just tell her no?

[sisterofbpd]

It wasn't the part about her asking for a private investigator that disturbed me, it was the implied threat that he would shoot or threaten someone with a gun that did. If it were just the investigator comment, I wouldnt have even been concerned about it.

[Nope]

The answer of a protection order is still sound advice. It sends a very clear message to law enforcement that he wants nothing to do with her or her ramblings. Since he is already NC he loses nothing by it.

[sisterofbpd]

Yes it is absolutely. I just wasn't sure if there was another option. I'm sure he would have a hard time filing one on his daughter. I just wish there was another option but I guess not.

Thank you both for your advice! 

[Matt]

There might be some other options... .

If it was me, I would probably start with a very clearly-worded e-mail - use almost legal-sounding language.  I did this once... .

I had just separated from my wife, after she made some false accusations and I spent a night in jail.  I got a house nearby so the kids would have minimal disruption.  While I was traveling on business, my wife came to the house and talked to my adult stepson, and told him she needed some homework papers for my younger son, then about 7.  So my stepson let her into the house - a mistake but I can't blame him - and she went from room to room, rummaging through my papers - presumably looking for financial information to use against me in the divorce.  She found nothing of value - never even looked in S7's room! - and left.

When my stepson told me about it, I knew what was up, and I talked to my lawyer.  He said to start by sending a very clearly-worded e-mail, cc:ing him (and he then sent it to my wife's lawyer too).  Something like this:

Do not come into my home without my explicit permission, whether I am there or not.



No comment on what had happened, because then she could deny it, and the only way to prove it would have been to drag my stepson into the fight.  Just a clear statement telling her my boundary.

My lawyers said, if that doesn't work, then we could get an Order Of Protection.

So, for your father, he could either send a clear e-mail like that, or even get an attorney to send her a registered letter so there would be a record that she had been informed not to bother him.

Then if that doesn't work, an Order Of Protection or Restraining Order (pretty much the same thing I think) would be easy to get and probably wouldn't cost anything.  But I can understand why a father would prefer not to go that route if there is another option... .

[ogopogodude]

There might be some other options... .

If it was me, I would probably start with a very clearly-worded e-mail - use almost legal-sounding language.  I did this once... .

I had just separated from my wife, after she made some false accusations and I spent a night in jail.  I got a house nearby so the kids would have minimal disruption.  While I was traveling on business, my wife came to the house and talked to my adult stepson, and told him she needed some homework papers for my younger son, then about 7.  So my stepson let her into the house - a mistake but I can't blame him - and she went from room to room, rummaging through my papers - presumably looking for financial information to use against me in the divorce.  She found nothing of value - never even looked in S7's room! - and left.

When my stepson told me about it, I knew what was up, and I talked to my lawyer.  He said to start by sending a very clearly-worded e-mail, cc:ing him (and he then sent it to my wife's lawyer too).  Something like this:

Do not come into my home without my explicit permission, whether I am there or not.



No comment on what had happened, because then she could deny it, and the only way to prove it would have been to drag my stepson into the fight.  Just a clear statement telling her my boundary.

My lawyers said, if that doesn't work, then we could get an Order Of Protection.

So, for your father, he could either send a clear e-mail like that, or even get an attorney to send her a registered letter so there would be a record that she had been informed not to bother him.

Then if that doesn't work, an Order Of Protection or Restraining Order (pretty much the same thing I think) would be easy to get and probably wouldn't cost anything.  But I can understand why a father would prefer not to go that route if there is another option... .

Above is VERY good advice.  I add to it this: Go research soothing called a drop cam from future shop or amazon.  You can watch "as it happens" i.e. real time video with this device if you strategically put it somewhere in your house. As well if you pay a fee per month, the video can be archived by the company's online website servers.  No need to do anything but pay a fee and when you suspect your ex is inside your house, ... .just pick up your iPhone, or iPod (but you need wifi), or iPad and, ... .  voila'... .instant looking at your house whilst you ain't even there...

[ogopogodude]

Correction: the newest one is called drop cam pro

[livednlearned]

My ex did something similar a few years ago -- the specifics are different but the gist is the same. He contacted law enforcement in my home town and wrote a bunch of stuff about my parents, what they were capable of, all of it wacky. My ex is a former trial attorney and he wrote it on letter head and even though it sounded very legal and intimidating, it comes across as very nutty. 

My parents looked into it to see if there was anything there they should worry about and for the most part, they were told that the letter made my ex an object of interest, not my parents. It went into a file and that was that.

You could do something similar if you want to establish a document trail with local law enforcement. You just call them up and tell them that you have a mentally ill sister who has written a disturbing message that is not based in fact, and that you want it on file. That way, if she does do something, they will have some background history on her. And your dad can establish that he is in no way supporting his daughter's mentally ill behavior.

[sisterofbpd]

Hi Matt,

Thank you so much for that idea!  I think I have a much better chance getting him to do that than a restraining order.

[Matt]

Hi Matt,

Thank you so much for that idea!  I think I have a much better chance getting him to do that than a restraining order.

My lawyer cautioned me to keep it very, very simple.  No accusations about anything that had happened, even though I knew exactly what had happened.  No other topics.  Just the simple statment, ":)on't come into my home without my permission."

My wife was smart enough to notice that I was cc:ing my attorney, which meant I was laying the groundwork if something stronger had been needed.  I think you want her to see this as a firm legal notice, not just a regular e-mail.

[ForeverDad]

And if she wouldn't see you as someone who could set boundaries such as that, you could consider whether it would be better to use an attorney to send a letter to her stating the boundary.  It may have more impact.  If it is more about your father than about you, it may be him (or both of you) that needs to authorize such a letter.  (Though an attorney would probably tell you that if it continues despite a warning letter then it is very difficult to pursue in court and expensive to litigate.)

[Matt]

Yeah, I think almost everyone would stop and think if they got a formal letter from an attorney telling them not to bother the attorney's client or legal action would be taken.

[sisterofbpd]

Thanks everyone!  I may have to if she continues to harass me.