I have a new possible SO, she knows, will she leave me alone finally?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Am I of the hook when I have a new possible SO? Will she leave me alone then? I didn't tell her (been in NC for five weeks now) but word has spread and she knows. I'm sick of being paranoid for possible recycling. I want her out of my life.

[misty_red]

Am I of the hook when I have a new possible SO? Will she leave me alone then? I didn't tell her (been in NC for five weeks now) but word has spread and she knows. I'm sick of being paranoid for possible recycling. I want her out of my life.

[merlin4926]

I'm in the same position. I want to go public that I'm seeing someone but terrified of consequences - will I be hated as it proves I didn't love him or will he try to get me back?

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

I don't they fully detach.  I can't see how detachment is possible when they so quickly grab another.  So yes I would prepare for a bait and dump job.  It won't be appreciated.

[fred6]

I don't they fully detach.  I can't see how detachment is possible when they so quickly grab another.  So yes I would prepare for a bait and dump job.  It won't be appreciated.

I thought that they get new supply quickly so that they could detach without having to deal with it. As long as new supply is involved, I don't think that they will come back unless there are problems with new supply. Hell, mine was bedding down new supply before she ended it with me. A week ago she texted me, "you need to leave me the fcuk alone". It seems that my ex has fully detached, but I could be wrong... .

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

The new supply gets painted black eventually and then they want you for triangulation purposes.  They will start throwing toys out of the window if they know you won't be there for when they need to triangulate.  But who really knows?  Crazy Land.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

I don't they fully detach.  I can't see how detachment is possible when they so quickly grab another.  So yes I would prepare for a bait and dump job.  It won't be appreciated.

I thought that they get new supply quickly so that they could detach without having to deal with it. As long as new supply is involved, I don't think that they will come back unless there are problems with new supply. Hell, mine was bedding down new supply before she ended it with me. A week ago she texted me, "you need to leave me the fcuk alone". It seems that my ex has fully detached, but I could be wrong... .

I talked to my P and he told me that most studies done on BPD show that they go through a reverse grieving process. So roughly 3-4 months the reality hits them. This is part of why most supplies don't make it past this mark because they want you back because you were not just supply you were an actual emotional attachment they hold more value in you. The closest thing to "love" they can feel. And it has been to my knowledge they don't let go of these emotional attachments easily if at all. You're destined more often then not to always be a permanent back-up in the supply closet. This is why recycles happen sometimes years later I believe. 

[Deeno02]

I don't they fully detach.  I can't see how detachment is possible when they so quickly grab another.  So yes I would prepare for a bait and dump job.  It won't be appreciated.

I thought that they get new supply quickly so that they could detach without having to deal with it. As long as new supply is involved, I don't think that they will come back unless there are problems with new supply. Hell, mine was bedding down new supply before she ended it with me. A week ago she texted me, "you need to leave me the fcuk alone". It seems that my ex has fully detached, but I could be wrong... .

I talked to my P and he told me that most studies done on BPD show that they go through a reverse grieving process. So roughly 3-4 months the reality hits them. This is part of why most supplies don't make it past this mark because they want you back because you were not just supply you were an actual emotional attachment they hold more value in you. The closest thing to "love" they can feel. And it has been to my knowledge they don't let go of these emotional attachments easily if at all. You're destined more often then not to always be a permanent back-up in the supply closet. This is why recycles happen sometimes years later I believe. 

Oh good god noo! I was her first after her divorce/Separation. Im going into hiding... .

[misty_red]

Her last relationship lasted for only three weeks and was in 2012. After that I was her new SO in 2014. She never had relationships longer than three weeks. I was the only one who lasted longer (two and a half month). After that we remained friends with benefits for three months. Then I was discarded, which was three months ago. Saturday was a covert charm attempt. Ugh, this is gonna be interesting.

[Chunk Palumbo]

I don't think that they will come back unless there are problems with new supply. . . . A week ago she texted me, "you need to leave me the fcuk alone". It seems that my ex has fully detached, but I could be wrong... .

I was on both ends of saying that during the relationship with mine. And if there's one thing I learned, it's that when dealing with this illness, the shouting of "Go away!" doesn't always mean "I will never want to speak with you ever again!"

My exuBPD must've said it at least 6 times. Reconciliation happened every single time (the very last rage notwithstanding; I walked).

The new supply gets painted black eventually and then they want you for triangulation purposes.  They will start throwing toys out of the window if they know you won't be there for when they need to triangulate.  But who really knows?  Crazy Land.

Yep. Borderland.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

I don't they fully detach.  I can't see how detachment is possible when they so quickly grab another.  So yes I would prepare for a bait and dump job.  It won't be appreciated.

I thought that they get new supply quickly so that they could detach without having to deal with it. As long as new supply is involved, I don't think that they will come back unless there are problems with new supply. Hell, mine was bedding down new supply before she ended it with me. A week ago she texted me, "you need to leave me the fcuk alone". It seems that my ex has fully detached, but I could be wrong... .

I talked to my P and he told me that most studies done on BPD show that they go through a reverse grieving process. So roughly 3-4 months the reality hits them. This is part of why most supplies don't make it past this mark because they want you back because you were not just supply you were an actual emotional attachment they hold more value in you. The closest thing to "love" they can feel. And it has been to my knowledge they don't let go of these emotional attachments easily if at all. You're destined more often then not to always be a permanent back-up in the supply closet. This is why recycles happen sometimes years later I believe. 

I believe this to be true.  My x and I had been together for almost a year and a half before she began finalizing her divorce.  Once the process was being finalized I think reality hit her hard.  She expressed that she felt bad for being upset since we were dating and I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me a little at the time, BUT I was her rock and I supported her.  I knew she hadn't dealt with the loss when they broke up.  Due to the fact I was uneducated about BPD I didn't make the connection.  She never tackled her losses head on, she always fled.  It may have been further down the road than 3-4 months but the pain always resurfaces one way or another. 

[clydegriffith]

I don't they fully detach.  I can't see how detachment is possible when they so quickly grab another.  So yes I would prepare for a bait and dump job.  It won't be appreciated.

I thought that they get new supply quickly so that they could detach without having to deal with it. As long as new supply is involved, I don't think that they will come back unless there are problems with new supply. Hell, mine was bedding down new supply before she ended it with me. A week ago she texted me, "you need to leave me the fcuk alone". It seems that my ex has fully detached, but I could be wrong... .

This! I'm always very cautions when BPDx randomly starts being nice. We have a child together and our discussions are typically very limited to that but when she starts asking about my personal life, etc i just try to change the subject.

[fred6]

I talked to my P and he told me that most studies done on BPD show that they go through a reverse grieving process. So roughly 3-4 months the reality hits them.

I've never heard that before. 3-4 months from when though? When they actually break up with you or when you actually leave? Maybe I need a countdown timer and plan a long vacation, . In my case, she broke up with me but I still lived there for 2 months while getting an apartment.

[Springle]

Am I of the hook when I have a new possible SO? Will she leave me alone then? I didn't tell her (been in NC for five weeks now) but word has spread and she knows. I'm sick of being paranoid for possible recycling. I want her out of my life.

Can I just clarify something, have you been NC for five weeks or has it been 5 weeks since the break up? (Or both)

I may have an unpopular opinion here but I think 5 weeks from a BU is waaaaay too quick to be starting a new r/s, especially something as serious as being able to call the other person an SO.

My non-ex got with his new gf just under 2 months after we broke up and, honestly? It did make it feel like he never truly loved me because I really couldn't understand how he could move on so quick and unflinching, especially with someone so screwed up; and I'm a non too btw (as far as I currently know). The event was obviously antagonised by the fact that the new gf was a 'friend' of ours who was 'supporting' me through the break up, she was/is dBPD.

I've spoken to friends etc about this and, general consensus tended to be, a new serious SO-style r/s within 3 months or less of a BU is kind of foul play, a 'd*ck-move' and a red flag.

[misty_red]

Five weeks NC and five months separated to clarify things.

[Bak86]

I have a new woman i'm dating. Next week we have an office party, we can bring our partners as well. Since my ex and i work together and we both attend, i will DEFINITELY not be bringing my new girl to the party. I have a feeling my ex will go bat___ insane. Maybe i'm just being paranoid, but still not a good idea i think... .

[Agent_of_Chaos]

I have a new woman i'm dating. Next week we have an office party, we can bring our partners as well. Since my ex and i work together and we both attend, i will DEFINITELY not be bringing my new girl to the party. I have a feeling my ex will go bat insane. Maybe i'm just being paranoid, but still not a good idea i think... .

Unfortunately probably a wise decision.  You will be setting off all kinds of triggers.  Smart move.

[fred6]

I have a new woman i'm dating. Next week we have an office party, we can bring our partners as well. Since my ex and i work together and we both attend, i will DEFINITELY not be bringing my new girl to the party. I have a feeling my ex will go bat insane. Maybe i'm just being paranoid, but still not a good idea i think... .

Is she in a relationship or have new supply? If so, F her. You guys aren't together anymore. If she dumped you and moved on, it's her problem. Karma my friend!

[Bak86]

I have a new woman i'm dating. Next week we have an office party, we can bring our partners as well. Since my ex and i work together and we both attend, i will DEFINITELY not be bringing my new girl to the party. I have a feeling my ex will go bat insane. Maybe i'm just being paranoid, but still not a good idea i think... .

Is she in a relationship or have new supply? If so, F her. You guys aren't together anymore. If she dumped you and moved on, it's her problem. Karma my friend!

She doesn't have new supply as far as i know, but come on man, you know how these people are. They are unpredictable. She did a smear campaign on me, attacked me, threatened me etc. How do i know she won't do this with my new girl? I'm not gonna risk it.

[fred6]

She doesn't have new supply as far as i know, but come on man, you know how these people are. They are unpredictable. She did a smear campaign on me, attacked me, threatened me etc. How do i know she won't do this with my new girl? I'm not gonna risk it.

Well we are in different situations. If me and my ex aren't together and aren't going to be together. If she's going to leave things the way they are after what she's done to me. I refuse to adjust, accommodate, or change anything in my life to suit her. She has no choice in the matter.

If my ex wants a smear campaign, I have pictures of all of her texts and FB messages with new supply. I have texts and voice mails of her admitting that she cheated on me. I have  audio of her stealth raging and talking serious $hit about friends and family members, but she smiles in their face when she sees them and acts all friendly.

I'll probably never do anything with any of this stuff. But, if need be, I will let her know that I have it and will not hesitate to post it all on FB for everyone she knows to see, even if it makes me look bad. I don't bother her anymore, so she just needs to leave me alone to live my life. That's of course after I scrape what's left of my life off of the floor where she left it in pieces. I have done nothing wrong to her and I will not be bullied or abused anymore.

Wow, this whole week must be "ANGRY" week. Can you feel me, ... .