Hi guy4caligirl,
I'm sorry to hear your struggling. In the context of your ex and painful accusations it is because you are split black. A pwBPD see the world and people in it in either all black or all white. Your ex struggles with the grey areas in life.
I would like to add another component which is a sort of emotional amnesia. You say that you treated her well over the last 5 years and you're currently being devalued because she sees negative aspects that is driven by the disorder. A primitive defense mechanism called splitting to protect the ego from anxiety and stress. Coupled with a lack of object constancy and seeing you as an integrated whole with your history and experiences with her.
In this case I'll use the last 5 years. That said, a sort of emotional amnesia and perceiving you in the here and now in contrast to how she is feeling about you in the moment.
Gunderson on emotional amnesia.
Something which is all good one day can be all bad the next, which is related to another symptom: borderlines have problems with object constancy in people -- they read each action of people in their lives as if there were no prior context; they don't have a sense of continuity and consistency about people and things in their lives. They have a hard time experiencing an absent loved one as a loving presence in their minds. They also have difficulty seeing all of the actions taken by a person over a period of time as part of an integrated whole, and tend instead to analyze individual actions in an attempt to divine their individual meanings. People are defined by how they lasted interacted with the borderline. In the same sense of constancy borderlines have "emotional amnesia", they are so completely in each mood, they have great difficulty conceptualizing, remembering what it's like to be in another mood.
So, split black and emotional amnesia.
Lastly, your comment about making her Queen. Dr Lawson identifies 4 different subtype roles within borderline personality disorder.
Waif, Queen, Witch, Hermit.
When you say Queen, do you mean that your ex is controlling and is selfish and needy?
The attempt of ":)eQueening" her will have no affect and it goes back my point with splitting and split black. She sees no good in you in this moment. This may flip or change back to being split white and seeing all good. Another distorted way of looking at a person.
No contact is not a weapon but a tool for persons attempting to detach from an unhealthy relationship. What do you mean by giving her power?
I'm sorry things are painful for you.
