Why do we give BPDexGF that power and what for more pain?

[guy4caligirl]

I came to realize now after 3 months of pain and suffering trying to ask myself why ?

I think no matter what we say or do won't get us no where , I heard so many ugly words painful words accusation from my ex lately like she forgot who took good care of her for the last 5 years she did not work all her expenses are met and now she is not doing the greatest the end of the month comes quickly when you're broke ,but nevertheless she is still acting like she is the queen.

And guess who made her become the queen I did .

No question asked I put her there and I am going to ":)eQueen "her by sticking with my NC now 6 days and going .

Just remember during the ugly moments of the relation the breaking stuff  the pushing the danger we were in the triggers the yelling the uncontrollable B she was .

Why are we wanting to put them on that queen chair they really don't deseve it

[enlighten me]

After doing much soul searching I have come to the conclussion that in my case it has a lot to do with my ego. I enjoyed tge adalation that was bestowed on me. Now being devalued and realising she probably never really cared about me and just used me I find that my ego is what is causing me a lot of the grief. If she wasnt as great as I thought then I wasnt as dpecial as she made me feel. Realising this has been another step forward for my revovery.

[Mutt]

Hi guy4caligirl,

I'm sorry to hear your struggling.  In the context of your ex and painful accusations it is because you are split black. A pwBPD see the world and people in it in either all black or all white. Your ex struggles with the grey areas in life.

I would like to add another component which is a sort of emotional amnesia. You say that you treated her well over the last 5 years and you're currently being devalued because she sees negative aspects that is driven by the disorder. A primitive defense mechanism called splitting to protect the ego from anxiety and stress. Coupled with a lack of object constancy and seeing you as an integrated whole with your history and experiences with her.

In this case I'll use the last 5 years. That said, a sort of emotional amnesia and perceiving you in the here and now in contrast to how she is feeling about you in the moment.

Gunderson on emotional amnesia.

Something which is all good one day can be all bad the next, which is related to another symptom: borderlines have problems with object constancy in people -- they read each action of people in their lives as if there were no prior context; they don't have a sense of continuity and consistency about people and things in their lives. They have a hard time experiencing an absent loved one as a loving presence in their minds. They also have difficulty seeing all of the actions taken by a person over a period of time as part of an integrated whole, and tend instead to analyze individual actions in an attempt to divine their individual meanings. People are defined by how they lasted interacted with the borderline. In the same sense of constancy borderlines have "emotional amnesia", they are so completely in each mood, they have great difficulty conceptualizing, remembering what it's like to be in another mood.

So, split black and emotional amnesia.

Lastly, your comment about making her Queen. Dr Lawson identifies 4 different subtype roles within borderline personality disorder.

Waif, Queen, Witch, Hermit.

When you say Queen, do you mean that your ex is controlling and is selfish and needy?

The attempt of ":)eQueening" her will have no affect and it goes back my point with splitting and split black. She sees no good in you in this moment. This may flip or change back to being split white and seeing all good. Another distorted way of looking at a person.

No contact is not a weapon but a tool for persons attempting to detach from an unhealthy relationship. What do you mean by giving her power?

I'm sorry things are painful for you.