I asked him if he still has feelings for his ex, because he mentions her a lot. His friend has said he still looks at her Facebook and thinking of contacting her on a dating sites his on and his found her on it. Hear say hear say, I don’t know, my minds tangled. I've always felt shes been like a ghost in our relationship, I think if you type in Rihanna Haunted lyrics, it desribes it really well. But just mentioning her now and again, bad things, fine but he mentions good things as well with a smile on his face and sounds happy in that moment when he does, i don't think he realizes it, i know i need to communicate better with him, he is a chatterbox, try to get a word in edge ways, jeez, he makes valid points in this conversation but i notice a few red flags unless that's just me. I know he has no contact with her, its a good darn secret if he has. But deep down i have this feeling that he can't because he doesn't want his family to think bad of him and what people think of him affects him allot or anyone else, he doesn't wanna lose his daughter that's always been his fear and obviously hes still hurt so it holds him back but if he had the chance and me and our daughter weren't in his life, i think he would of you know, but hey, that's just me. I read into stuff to much i guess.
You know at one point i though of getting them back together just so it would make him happy but I've learnt i'm to selfish, it would kill my heart. :'(
Following on from this conversation last week here -
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=236866.0We also had this heart to heart... .
Bpd – I swear on all my aunt sisters, I swear on everyone, I’m not into her, (childish voice) she scarred me, she’s left a scar, she’s not involved in anything. I don’t think about her. I used to dream about her, I don’t care – about her. I don’t look at her Facebook, I haven’t looked at her Facebook in like two years, I don’t look at it, I don’t care, I don’t give a flying ___ about her. The only thing I’m left with is what she did to me and I guess it ___ed me over. But the problem was even my CPN said that was an unhealthy relationship I was over obsessed.
Me - You idealized her so much?
BPD - Yes that was the problem, I shouldn't of and that was stupid, it was good that it ended and it is good that I’m not with her and I’m glad for that. She’s not into this at all. I swear by everything its been a long time now, 4 years, 21 (?) , I’m even forgetting the date, I was always fixated on the date and that’s even leaving me now. Its between the 23rd – 29th Jan. I think, not sure, I’m well over her. I’m serious. Let me dig deep down in my heart, I need to get this, I need to be honest and I need to be serious. If she come back begging for me (tells me his thinking) if I was single, on my own and all that (which he is) the first thing I’d say is why? And I’d be so blown away that I’d have to think about it then id be like what the heck after all these years, after what that b___ did to me.
I tell him he mentions her in good ways and bad ways... .
The problem is when you've been with someone say if I stopped being friends with Y three years down the line, I’d still mention him loads as I've known him for seven years.
me – but mentioning them to a girl you've been in a relationship with on and off and the mother of your child and you've already told me about her... I don’t mention my exes cause I know how off putting it is.
Bpd – yeah it can suck aye, but I spent three years with her, 3 years of my life, I lost my V to her. There was complications that helped me get over her quicker like she never enjoyed sex, like can you imagine what that does to a guy, guys like it just as much as a girl getting enjoyment out of it, it all hit me hard, she told me after, 8/9 months down the line “oh I don’t enjoy it, I cant feel anything” and I’m like “right ok” that made me feel like crap. But what you've got to understand is that was 3 years of my life, between 17 and 20 years old I was with her. Those were my heydays because that’s when I was in college, I go this place, moved in with her, stuff happened, 3 years of my life, I don’t mention anything good about her that much.
then accuses me of checking her Facebook and he checked it last when he and her boyfriend split (who she cheated on with by the way) which was a few months ago apparently so his friend told me that's when they split. (above he said, he don't check her Facebook) ahhhhhh.
Y (lets call him Y the friend) tries to stick trash in my head sometimes
Me – about what?
BPD - well his mums still friends with her on Facebook and his mums an ass clown, always has been, she’s a bit looped, you think your dads looped, look at her. His mum turned around to me in ASDA when I was in a relationship with you at the time and she said “oh X is happy for you, you've got a baby now” and I was like "what" and his mum said “oh yeah I speak to her”. I was like why you even mentioning or telling me this she just randomly said it and I was like What the heck! I don’t care.
This has all set me off down this dark road, she’s not to do with me anymore, just because she and my granddad started this (his granddad sadly passed away around the time she cheated on him), I don’t think they actually started it, I think they awoken it, I've had traits through out my life. I SH in year 7, I turned round to a friend and said lets eat these berries and kill ourselves to make these teachers know how badly they've treated us so they feel upset. I don’t need to call her b___ anymore to be honest because that’s me angry at her, I don’t care, I've called her b___/horebag for so long that’s how I know her by. I really don’t know how to explain it anymore that I don’t care how I can make it ……... you know what one of the worst things in life is if you spend time with someone, the longer you spend with them doesn't matter if you've done anything with them or not, relationship, friend etc... it doesn't matter if you've split off from them but there’s always going to be part of you in a bad way. If me and Y stopped talking, that would send me bad ways seven years down the pan, that’s how id look at it, that’s seven years of my life that I've had a buddy and his gone and I’d like I've got to start from the beginning, its sounds stupid right.
I told him I understand, my ex (who I lost a baby with and who was my first love years ago) crosses my mind now and again
BPD – obviously X does because you sometimes think “oh yeah I remember that, I remember doing this", like when I think about reductions, I remember the times I used to go with her, because that was the major reduction thing because at that time in my life I was on job seekers and that was the time we were getting reductions and working as a team when we lived together, that was all that was on my mind.
I told him its sad really we have a baby together and potentially we could be great and then you had a hore bag that got to live with you and treated you that way, it’s a bit of a sad story really.
BPD - I was just scolded after that, I’m gonna talk to my CPN about it, I need to get it off my chest, I haven’t spoken to him about it yet, I’m gonna tell him what you said on what you've studied on BPD and I’m gonna tell him everything about how I feel I haven seen him in ages so I've got a lot to tell him and I need to get to the bottom of it,
