maybe taking a little responsibility

[jedimaster]

Well my uBPDw is scheduled to have outpatient surgery tomorrow so today she is going around making her arrangements, paying copays, etc.  She called me just griping (not raging, amazingly) about having to take care of it all, but it was her idea to sell off 30 yrs of arts and crafts supplies and do this herself.  So I just said "yes, dear" and "I understand" and let her talk.  At one point she said "You need to be taking care of this if it means selling off some of the farm animals."  To which I verbally said, "That might be a good idea," but inside I was screaming "YES! YES! YES!"  Those who have followed my posts know she started this little farming venture and abandoned it for me to take care of. 

So I'm hopeful she is taking a little bit of responsibility for her own actions.  Maybe.

On another note, during our last argument I had enough of her make-believe reality and simply refused to back down about what I knew to be the truth.  Of course that was the opposite of what I was supposed to do, but as it turns out she has to see her neurologist today (he treats for migraines) and she plans to ask him about her "memory problems."  I have no real hope she'll do anything except use it as proof there's nothing wrong with her, but just wondering, has anyone else had a pwBPD see a neuro, and what was the outcome?  I'm just hoping against hope he'll tell her that there's nothing physically wrong, but that he sees something going on.  If nothing else, I'm hoping he will refer her back to our family doc, because the family doc is now in on the situation and is going to try to help get her back on some meds (she used to take Cymbalta and it made a huge difference).  Here's hoping... .   

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rapt Reader]

I hope your wife has a good outcome for her outpatient surgery tomorrow, jedimaster. All my best to her... .It does sound promising that she did the legwork needed for it to be taken care of, and even the realization that some of the farm animals need to be sold. Congratulations 

My own adult (37) son who was diagnosed with BPD in April 2013 has never seen a Neurologist, but is being treated by a Neurofeedback Therapist. He started in mid-April 2013, and is still having Neurofeedback sessions at this time, and it has helped him immensely. In fact, not only is he in remission for his BPD (I really doubt he would be diagnosed with it at this point; almost all of his BPD symptoms and behaviors have pretty much disappeared--all except his Social Anxiety, which is a lot better at this time), but he is now almost 20 months clean and sober from a multi-year Heroin Addiction, also.

I do believe that the Neurofeedback is what has made the difference for him since 2 "regular" Rehabs didn't help him at all; he relapsed within 6 months of completing each of them, until being discharged from the Dual Diagnosis Program that diagnosed his BPD, and then having this regular, continuing Neurofeedback Therapy. Both programs have been life savers for him 

I know your wife doesn't have a Substance Abuse problem, but the Neurofeedback is good for all types of symptoms and behaviors and disorders. I don't suppose she would consider such a thing, or if you have a Neurofeedback Therapist near to you? Just a thought... .She's done brain scans for him and works on all the parts of his brain that are involved with BPD and all of his symptoms and troubles.

I wish her Godspeed tomorrow, and all my best for you and your family... .

[jedimaster]

Thanks Rapt.  I will look into Neurofeedback therapy.  At the moment she has no interest in any therapy since in her world she has no problems, only me.  But I can at least look into it so if the opportunity presents itself I will know about it.

To follow up on her neuro appointment, of course since the neuro has no inkling of what is really going on, she passed her memory test with flying colors.  She can remember anything she wants for as long as she wants; I knew that already.  (Her memory is better than normal; she can remember things that never happened  )

So since she has "proof" nothing is wrong with her, we are back to trying to fix what is wrong with me.  She's full of ideas.  Caffeine intake, alcohol intake, amount of sleep, etc.  I could be her new lab rat if I would allow it (not gonna happen; it might have before, but not this time).

However, she still has her family doc appointment next week and she mentioned it today.  That's the one I most want her to keep, as that's the doc who's up to speed on the real situation.  We shall see how that turns out