moving on

[Sandman1881]

I have to keep in mind that returning to my regular life means returning to a quiet and calm life. I do miss the action. I miss the speed of it all. Making the ajustment back to normal speed limits is hard but manageable.

Perhaps I even miss the abuse. I know my body and mind were set to a schedule because at certain times of the day I feel that tug happening. Usually every day around 730 pm. That's when the queen would come home from work. 

[harbour]

Interesting. Why is it so? I sense I am going to miss that too. The action, the speed of it all. I don't think that I will miss the abuse though. I think maybe most of all it is the intensity, the passion, that I will miss. You feel alive with all that passion and emotionally intense interaction, for better or for worse. 

[Deeno02]

I dont miss a god damn thing other than being able to have someone to share life with. Thats easy enough to recity, being in an abusive relationship isnt... .Next please... .

[harbour]

I dont miss a god damn thing other than being able to have someone to share life with. Thats easy enough to recity, being in an abusive relationship isnt... .Next please... .

Well, we all have one thing in common on these boards. But our stories are not all alike. For some of us it hasn't been only hell. Some of you are dumped, others have to make the decision, leave or stay. Mine was loving and affectionate most of the time, and could also be helpful and considerate. But in this case the quantity of time is not relevant. I am trying to get out of it now, because I can't take the abuse, the roller-coaster, his scary outbursts of rage and his wanting, consciously or not, to control me. We have been together for 8 months. There will be things I am going to miss, and things I definitely won't miss. So that makes me feel ambivalent about it, though I know very well that my integrity, my self esteem, my self confidence and my mental and physical health will be in very great danger, if I stay. I have made my decision, but I guess it would be a little easier to leave, if everything, or almost everything in this relationship had been only bad, bad, bad. Then there wouldn't be anything to miss, would there?

[Deeno02]

I dont miss a god damn thing other than being able to have someone to share life with. Thats easy enough to recity, being in an abusive relationship isnt... .Next please... .

Well, we all have one thing in common on these boards. But our stories are not all alike. For some of us it hasn't been only hell. Some of you are dumped, others have to make the decision, leave or stay. Mine was loving and affectionate most of the time, and could also be helpful and considerate. But in this case the quantity of time is not relevant. I am trying to get out of it now, because I can't take the abuse, the roller-coaster, his scary outbursts of rage and his wanting, consciously or not, to control me. We have been together for 8 months. There will be things I am going to miss, and things I definitely won't miss. So that makes me feel ambivalent about it, though I know very well that my integrity, my self esteem, my self confidence and my mental and physical health will be in very great danger, if I stay. I have made my decision, but I guess it would be a little easier to leave, if everything, or almost everything in this relationship had been only bad, bad, bad. Then there wouldn't be anything to miss, would there?

I totally understand harbour. The bad outweighed the good, but yet I stayed. I ended up getting fired from her life. Not sure what the root cause was other than failing to meet her expectations. A little harsh when I said I wouldnt miss a thing, but I cant and wont. I will not set myself up for a recycle or triangulation when her new relationship ___s the bed. I need to take care of myself.

[harbour]

Yes, your falling to meet her expectations could most likely be the root cause of her dumping you. When they realize that you are not perfect, not the ideal "mum" or "dad", who is there for them only to serve as a god or goddess giving them eternal bliss and paradise, but a human being with your own needs and limits and little shortcomings, they become deeply disappointed, and they devalue us and hold you responsible for their misfortune, the loss of their paradise.

And yes, you need to take care of yourself. I am glad you do. So will I.

[OutOfEgypt]

I don't miss any of it... .not one bit, even though from time to time I remember some of the better family memories and laughs.  I don't miss the crazy, the torture, the anguish, the worry, the confusion, the cheating, the lying, and did I mention torture?  But there are certain situations and even times of day that trigger me, for sure.

[Sandman1881]

It wasn't her devaluation of me that was so intense, as that took place over the course of months to fully achieve. In the bitter end, my forced devaluation of her "my princess" in an instant was what really took its toll. One minuet she was my angel, and the next my fallen star. You just can't make this stuff up.

[Deeno02]

It wasn't her devaluation of me that was so intense, as that took place over the course of months to fully achieve. In the bitter end, my forced devaluation of her "my princess" in an instant was what really took its toll. One minuet she was my angel, and the next my fallen star. You just can't make this stuff up.

No you cant. My devaluation occurred over time as well, until the final punch and then, poof, Im done. Didnt get to say bye to the kids or anything, poof, your done."I finally know what I want". Good for you. Thanks for playing... .