Palimony #3

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am LC with a woman wBPD whom is likely pregnant with a child that bears my DNA... .shes in counseling and heading to DBT(so she says). This is my third post on this board, after a wild roller coaster of PTSD-like symptoms... .this wasn't my first romantic entanglement with a borderline.

I am fairly depressed, but safe. She harrassed me at work at my home and the police were involved. I think she may have poisoned her dog to spite her exhusband, and she is renting out a room to an exbf who she tried to take a restraining order against in 2003. (She told me he was just a friend from high school).

I have told her that it's  better if we aren't intimate anymore and she didn't take that very well... .

She is all over the place. BPD and pregnancy are quite a combo... .it's confusing.

I'm in counseling and my counselor is pushing me to focus on making money so that this doesn't hurt my life, my future... .

I am in a really bad tax bracket and things are pretty scary.

I planned on starting a company and possibly going to grad school and now I feel stuck.

I'm going to try to write (for therapeutic reasons, and also potentially a book will come out of it) and work on my business (that was destroyed before I moved out here by embezzlement from a cruel man I hired to be CEO )

After working 80 hour weeks on a software startup that had all the potential in the world... .but just didn't pan out, I really wanted to live a more balanced life for a bit... .but I think that if I start making more money (with my good main job as my steady income) the fear of her using the courts to harass me will dissipate. I just can't catch a break! Work is getting boring. My boss told me at first that it was going to be 50/50 management/software development... .and lately it's been all software development. It's just not challenging... .I'm good at it, but it doesn't make me feel very good.

It doesn't take much to make me happy. I just need to be alone, and around people of a similar socioeconomic background.

I don't like living with other people anymore, and I just want to be around people I have more in common with.

Nothing fancy... .don't care much about my car, etc. People who are kind, with good morals, steady relationships... .etc. You know... .neurotypical for the most part.

--------

I believe the pregnant woman wBPD has surrounded herself with enough Narcissitic Supply, and has an exbf renting a room at her house, that she tried to get a restraining order against a long time ago... .of course she lied to me about who he was, but I ran a background check

Anyways... .I'm a little concerned that this LC is just keeping her attached, and that if I would have just stayed NC after the stalking and got the protective order perhaps she would have never come after me for money.

------

But, I am also concerned about the morality of just leaving a child with my genes under her care, untreated.

Einstein said "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

If I have to go to court... .well I don't think I will be very diplomatic.

I will just refuse to pay for the child to be under her care and insist on full custody with supervised visitation for her.

They will take it from me anyways. I can't coparent with her, because I know she will use the relationship with the child as a pawn in her games of manipulation, and that's not fair to me or the child.

In any case... .I figured I'd take a little breather from the boards, and also from researching BPD and pregnancy and BPD and whatever... .

I am so grateful for everyone's help. I just wanted to check in as one of the moderators wrote me to check on me. So very nice.

Thanks, GK.

Your friend and survivor of multiple BPD entanglements.

Stoic

[stoic83]

I am LC with a woman wBPD whom is likely pregnant with a child that bears my DNA... .shes in counseling and heading to DBT(so she says). This is my third post on this board, after a wild roller coaster of PTSD-like symptoms... .this wasn't my first romantic entanglement with a borderline.

I am fairly depressed, but safe. She harrassed me at work at my home and the police were involved. I think she may have poisoned her dog to spite her exhusband, and she is renting out a room to an exbf who she tried to take a restraining order against in 2003. (She told me he was just a friend from high school).

I have told her that it's  better if we aren't intimate anymore and she didn't take that very well... .

She is all over the place. BPD and pregnancy are quite a combo... .it's confusing.

I'm in counseling and my counselor is pushing me to focus on making money so that this doesn't hurt my life, my future... .

I am in a really bad tax bracket and things are pretty scary.

I planned on starting a company and possibly going to grad school and now I feel stuck.

I'm going to try to write (for therapeutic reasons, and also potentially a book will come out of it) and work on my business (that was destroyed before I moved out here by embezzlement from a cruel man I hired to be CEO )

After working 80 hour weeks on a software startup that had all the potential in the world... .but just didn't pan out, I really wanted to live a more balanced life for a bit... .but I think that if I start making more money (with my good main job as my steady income) the fear of her using the courts to harass me will dissipate. I just can't catch a break! Work is getting boring. My boss told me at first that it was going to be 50/50 management/software development... .and lately it's been all software development. It's just not challenging... .I'm good at it, but it doesn't make me feel very good.

It doesn't take much to make me happy. I just need to be alone, and around people of a similar socioeconomic background.

I don't like living with other people anymore, and I just want to be around people I have more in common with.

Nothing fancy... .don't care much about my car, etc. People who are kind, with good morals, steady relationships... .etc. You know... .neurotypical for the most part.

--------

I believe the pregnant woman wBPD has surrounded herself with enough Narcissitic Supply, and has an exbf renting a room at her house, that she tried to get a restraining order against a long time ago... .of course she lied to me about who he was, but I ran a background check

Anyways... .I'm a little concerned that this LC is just keeping her attached, and that if I would have just stayed NC after the stalking and got the protective order perhaps she would have never come after me for money.

------

But, I am also concerned about the morality of just leaving a child with my genes under her care, untreated.

Einstein said "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

If I have to go to court... .well I don't think I will be very diplomatic.

I will just refuse to pay for the child to be under her care and insist on full custody with supervised visitation for her.

They will take it from me anyways. I can't coparent with her, because I know she will use the relationship with the child as a pawn in her games of manipulation, and that's not fair to me or the child.

In any case... .I figured I'd take a little breather from the boards, and also from researching BPD and pregnancy and BPD and whatever... .

I am so grateful for everyone's help. I just wanted to check in as one of the moderators wrote me to check on me. So very nice.

Thanks, GK.

Your friend and survivor of multiple BPD entanglements.

Stoic

[Grey Kitty]

 

You sound a bit better than you did, last time you were posting... .I think what you are doing is suiting you pretty well.

Work is getting boring. My boss told me at first that it was going to be 50/50 management/software development... .and lately it's been all software development. It's just not challenging... .I'm good at it, but it doesn't make me feel very good.

You know... .this 'boring' job might be just what you need for the next year.

If you end up with partial or full custody of a child, that will take a lot of energy.

If you go through legal battles over anything with this woman, that will take a lot of energy.

Just having time to make a few neurotypical friends and enjoy their company sounds really healing for you... .and having good friends already if the drama ramps back up will really help you!

In a year, a lot of this drama will have played out... .then if you want a really challenging job or an 80-hour/week job, you will know it.

[stoic83]

You sound a bit better than you did, last time you were posting... .I think what you are doing is suiting you pretty well.

Work is getting boring. My boss told me at first that it was going to be 50/50 management/software development... .and lately it's been all software development. It's just not challenging... .I'm good at it, but it doesn't make me feel very good.

You know... .this 'boring' job might be just what you need for the next year.

If you end up with partial or full custody of a child, that will take a lot of energy.

If you go through legal battles over anything with this woman, that will take a lot of energy.

Just having time to make a few neurotypical friends and enjoy their company sounds really healing for you... .and having good friends already if the drama ramps back up will really help you!

In a year, a lot of this drama will have played out... .then if you want a really challenging job or an 80-hour/week job, you will know it.

It doesn't seem like I have much of a choice but to make as much money as possible as I am now in a situation to where I must pay for my freedom.

I am still seeing her 1-2 times a week, with no physical or sexual intimacy.

I look at other women in the building i live in and find attractive and I feel so sad.

I'm so hurt that I don't get the choice anymore. That I have no choice who I have children with and that I am going to be forced to be in contact with her for the rest of my life. Paying her money.

That my life is forever changed for the worse. That I've worked so hard to build myself only to be forever knocked down.

It's really a shame that there isn't any option for me to get out of this situation.