Got over a bit of a hurdle today. My uBPDw had her foot surgery this week and needed to go out today. It was the first time in about three weeks that we have spent an extended time together, in the car and away from the house. I was extremely apprehensive, but it seemed to go well. She seems to be trying to sort out some of the stuff she has been dealing with lately, but in a more gentle way. She is still trapped in her own reality and is still convinced all our issues would go away if I could just get myself straightened out. Today I listened, but didn't even attempt to refute or comment directly on anything she said regarding me. I just did my best to express sympathy with what she was feeling without accepting blame or responsibility for any of it. It is strange to see how she responds positively to validating her feelings, even while I'm specifically
avoiding comment on the thing she just accused me of. It gives some insight into how the BPD mind works.
In my life outside this forum I'm a huge Star Wars fan and all my friends know it. Lately I've been experimenting with using some visualization techniques to help me not JADE or react negatively to the comments my wife makes. I've been distracting myself during her verbal attacks by imagining that I'm using the Force to avoid being emotionally impacted

I can visualize her attacks and comments being deflected and sliding right by me emotionally, while I am still hearing the words so I can listen to what she says. Strange as it sounds, it really helped me allow her to say whatever she wanted to without it hurting me. In the meantime, through "the Force" I focused on tuning into the pain she was feeling that was driving the negativity.
By now I'm sure everyone on here is convinced I'm the one in the alternate universe

But really I'm just exploring ways to detach and indulging myself in a little amusing distraction to keep my mind away from reacting to her attacks.
I even came up with my own acronym-- JEDI: Just Empathize; Don't Internalize
Jedi or not, after spending the day being mindful and "using the Force" to make sure the day went well, I am exhausted

I feel like Luke Skywalker after a hard day tramping around the swamp helping Yoda lift X-wings
