My uBPDm is a broken record

[tryingandtired]

I have low contact with my mother and each time I have contact I remember why. She repeats the same stories over and over about how me and my husband are to blame for how her life has turned out. I have tried to validate, apologize, and explain. She takes no responsibility for anything. She wants to live with us ( I have two happy children and she is a "glass half empty" type of woman - who is pretty difficult to be around).  We told her 5 years ago that this is not an option but she keeps trying. She has made no other plans, refuses to get an affordable home( she has spent all of her savings and is elderly now)  and  keeps telling us that she would rather die than live in low cost housing and will be homeless, living n her car. She says it is all out fault . I know she believes it is in her own reality and actually strongly dislikes us but still wants to live with us. I cannot even imagine how stressful and unpleasant having her around me daily with the dislike she has for me ( and especially my husband). No thank you! I do worry about her and wish I could financially support her without much contact. But that is not possible. That is really all she cares about anyways. Sorry to rant,. Does anyone know of someone who can help me navigate these issues with her? I have contacted senior citizens orgs. In her town but as you all know BPD is very complicated. Not quite unable to function but unable to be realistic. Any one have any advice? I would appreciate it!

[losthero]

I dont really have any info for you on services for her.  I literally could have written what you wrote.  Your fear is real. I have a feeling that if you moved her in with you her pessimistic world view would take its toll on your family.  She already doesnt like you or your husband very much and seeing your family have happy ,loving moments may spur on her jealousy and rage.   You didnt create her situation.   SHE did.  I know she doesnt like low cost housing but it may come down to it.  Your number one concern are your minor children and having an angry, bitter, depressed and jealous influence in their home is not good for their self esteem and psyche.   

[clljhns]

Hi tryingandtired,

Is your mom about to loose her home?  If she looses her home, then she will have to live elsewhere, but that doesn't mean you. One of the best quotes I ever read in relation to people like this is "Failure on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." Wish I could give credit to who said this, but I don't know.

Not to sound harsh and uncaring, but your mom may have to take the natural consequences for her actions. If you feel that you need to be involved to help her, you might want to contact the Department of Health and Human Services. I don't know if they can offer much help, until she actually becomes homeless.

Wishing you all the best!