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michel71
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« on: November 27, 2014, 02:28:36 PM » |
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My uBPDw is coming home today. She was visiting her son oversees for a week to celebrate his birthday.
This week has been about recharging. IT was hard for me at first as the day she left we got into an argument. I must have gone through all the emotions one can. I was initially relieved that she was gone, angry, then confused, then sad, despondent, scared, weak, vulnerable, somewhat in the ozone layer, needy, then missing her, guilty, then the old stinkin' thinkin' that I can fix this single-handedly and it will be different when she gets back.
At the present moment, I feel apprehensive. I don't know when the next fight will be or over what. What will be my next transgression that I will be punished for. And I am scared of the future... .one that could include her and I live in misery if it does not get better... .or one without her and suffering the pain of that loss for years. Maybe my entire life.
Despite the above, I have a complete Thanksgiving dinner waiting for her that I have spent two days on, a beautifully set table, a clean house, a fresh bed and lot's of love. I will welcome her with open arms. But I am still scared and feel very fragile.
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