5th Day No Contact

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hey guys it has been 5 days since the NC started with the EX... .I haven't heard a word from her and I am starting to miss her like crazy. I know I can't be in a healthy relationship with her, but what really bothers me is the fact that she is just living her life normally as if nothing had happened... .at least this is how I think I she is living her life these last couple days, otherwise she would of contacted me right? I still think of her... .It would be nice to see if she actually cared by at least texting me. UGHHHH... .How are you guys handling the NC and how soon and how did they contact you after the NC started?

[Jmanster]

Hey guys it has been 5 days since the NC started with the EX... .I haven't heard a word from her and I am starting to miss her like crazy. I know I can't be in a healthy relationship with her, but what really bothers me is the fact that she is just living her life normally as if nothing had happened... .at least this is how I think I she is living her life these last couple days, otherwise she would of contacted me right? I still think of her... .It would be nice to see if she actually cared by at least texting me. UGHHHH... .How are you guys handling the NC and how soon and how did they contact you after the NC started?

[guy4caligirl]

Hey Dude ,

I am 10 days NC wow ! R/s 5 years B/u 5 months Today !

I feel with you and I wonder if she will text or not but if she doesn't that mean she is seriously involved with the new guy .

if she does then I think she will show weakness and lose her control over me , I miss her but I am not going to give her the pleasure to know so .

Therefore I am good with that and I keep NC knowing how disturb they are I think she will but it's too late I am so far out why should I come back to a bomb  field .

[HappyNihilist]

Jmanster, I'm sorry you're feeling hurt and are missing your exgf. Five days out... .that's still a very raw, rough time. I know it's hard. It gets much better. 

I know I can't be in a healthy relationship with her, but what really bothers me is the fact that she is just living her life normally as if nothing had happened... .at least this is how I think I she is living her life these last couple days, otherwise she would of contacted me right?

I know it's hard to imagine our ex just going on with their lives as if nothing happened. Sometimes this is the case, sometimes it isn't. But we're human, and we want to mean something to our partner, we want to have had some kind of impact. We can't expect any validation from toxic people, though.

We'll only drive ourselves crazy if we focus on them. Try not to think about what she might or might not be doing, how she might or might not be feeling. Look at yourself instead. Ask yourself what you're feeling, and what you need.

I still think of her... .It would be nice to see if she actually cared by at least texting me.

Didn't you tell her not to contact you? It sounds like she's respecting your boundaries. Contacting you when you requested NC would actually be an uncaring thing to do. You still think of her, but you don't text her. That's because you recognize that the relationship wasn't healthy.

UGHHHH... .How are you guys handling the NC and how soon and how did they contact you after the NC started?

My exbf first texted me about... .oh, maybe 9-12 weeks post-breakup? He texts or calls at fairly regular intervals, a couple of months apart, then drops back into the ether. I've generally found that he makes contact right as I'm realizing that I haven't thought of him in a while... .

[Jmanster]

Thank you for your kind replies. I ended it rudely because I was so angry at how she treated me. However, I was the one that told her not to contact me. I have this massive urge to text message her and ask her, how she is doing, but will this entrap me? Again, I am seeking for closure and I just feel awful for how rudely I ended it... .any advice would be great

[harbour]

I broke up with him 3 weeks ago. He started texting me after 4 days. His messages were loving, sad, missing me (not begging)... .And it was really hard not to respond, but I didn't. Silence for 5 days. Then he started again, and when he asked me how I was, I responded with a short message, telling him that I was ok, and that I was not going back to him. He sent me a few messages about how happy he was to receive just a few words from me. Then after another 3-4 days he texted me again. I answered him, and after we had communicated in a nice and decent way, we agreed to have limited sms contact. Not every day contact. That made him euphoric with joy, and he sent me messages full of love and gratitude. I didn't, and I don't respond to his messages, when they are euphoric with "love" (idealizing me). I have only received two messages with crazy accusations since I broke up, and I didn't respond to them either.

Today, after another 5 days of silence, he texted me one of his favourite Christmas poems, and a little about how he was decorating his home for Christmas. I thanked him and texted him a little about my having guests for brunch. He sent me one more short message.

It seems to work ok so far with limited or controlled contact. But I am not sure if I am doing the right thing. I am thinking about the detachment. If that is possible when we have CC almost immediately after I broke up with him. I know I am not going back to him. Under no circumstances. I think he knows it too. I am trying to focus on taking care of myself, and to do the things I never had time or energy for in the relationship. It was all about him and his. I have good moments, where I enjoy the peace. He used to bomb me with sms messages the few days we were not together, every single day. Sometimes 20-30 messages a day. Now it is a few messages a week, and I can deal with that.

Still, I am thinking of my motive for wanting this limited sms contact. I think part of it is that it would be too hard to cut off all contact with him. If he had sent me a lot of angry and accusing messages, playing the martyr, it would have been easier. But he didn't. If he hadn't sent me any at all, I would have had a very hard time. I admire those of you, who keep NC.

[Jmanster]

I can see how it is tough for you  and at least you keep some contact... .however in my situation, I have no idea what to do, I have such a huge urge to text her... .I feel really awful when I was rude to her... .I had a reason to be because of how she treated me, but it's still not good because I lost my composure. I just need some advice on how to handle this situation... .would it be ok to text her? What do you guys think?

[antelope]

Thank you for your kind replies. I ended it rudely because I was so angry at how she treated me. However, I was the one that told her not to contact me. I have this massive urge to text message her and ask her, how she is doing, but will this entrap me? Again, I am seeking for closure and I just feel awful for how rudely I ended it... .any advice would be great

be brutally honest with yourself: are you actually ready to permanently detach from this dysfunctional person/situation?

or

are you just playing a game of silent treatment to test her?

there are no right or wrong answers... .just keep in mind that the decision to go nc is about just that: NO contact

nc is about you, not her!

[HappyNihilist]

I ended it rudely because I was so angry at how she treated me. However, I was the one that told her not to contact me.

If you told her not to contact you, then she is respecting your request by not contacting you.

I have this massive urge to text message her and ask her, how she is doing, but will this entrap me?

Entrap you how? Only you have the power to engage or detach from this person and the relationship. No one here will judge either decision you make, but you have to recognize that you do have control here.

For right now, at least, she is not actively trying to "entrap" you. She is giving you the space you asked for. She's honoring your boundaries.

Again, I am seeking for closure and I just feel awful for how rudely I ended it... .any advice would be great

You were angry, which is understandable, and you reacted in a way you now wish you hadn't, which is also understandable. We can be rude when we're angry, when we feel like we're at the end of our rope. Don't beat yourself up over that.

I know you miss her, and you feel bad about how things ended. But we have to find our own closure, if we want to detach. Now, if you're thinking you might not want to detach after all, that's a different story. And that's ok too.

be brutally honest with yourself: are you actually ready to permanently detach from this dysfunctional person/situation?

or

are you just playing a game of silent treatment to test her?

there are no right or wrong answers... .just keep in mind that the decision to go nc is about just that: NO contact

nc is about you, not her!

This.

[Jmanster]

You guys are right... .I know that she is definitely toxic for me... .I know that 110%. I want to detach. I guess I want her to text me because then it makes it feel like I am the one who has control, but then again it sounds like a game. But I know that she is not healthy for me and that she has the ability to really do some mental damage to me. I'm gonna stay away from her. Thank you guys for your advice.

[downwhim]

Today is 2 months and 2 days N/C. It is the hardest thing I have ever done! I decided our relationship is over. Us nons are the ones that decide whether or not to continue with the contact. It is not easy but for me the constant back and forth and not resolving anything was wearing me out. This was the best way for me. Do I miss him, yes! Was it working No!

Only you can decide what you want to do. It is hard the first few days and weeks as you are raw and vulnerable. It gets easier with time. Hang in there... .