Incoming

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello old and new members!

I've been in complete No Contact(No peeking at her fake FB profile, no digging through her photos on my pc,etc) ever since I took this challenge : https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=235036.msg12509737#msg12509737

Counting the days since I took the challenge, it's just a little more than 2 months but it feels like eternity.  Her thoughts strikes me every now and then but I don't dwell upon it and also I don't even remember her face or her character or how she smiles or looks at me or what we did in the relationship,etc... , It's kinda like a smoke and fog. Like how you feel when you try to remember what you did on your 3rd birthday. You'll know it happened in real but can't remember exactly. That's how I feel about her. It's good to see I'm 99.99% over her. :D

What a great relief when looking back and how I got my feet back with all your support. Thank you all so much! 

I've spent the last months productively on improving my business as well as improved my lifestyle; even greater than what I was during the toxic BPD relationship/breakup.

I've put her old/new mobile number and her fathers and mothers number into the blacklist on my phone. As I was very busy with my business, I didn't have any time to check my personal phone. The last time I used it was before 2 weeks and it was not showing any call logs due to the low memory. I didn't even bother to fix it.

So I took my phone today and cleared some memory so there will be some space for receiving texts as well as to record all the missed calls on the call log. I randomly opened the blacklist app and to my surprise, that BPD's father called me yesterday at 11 in the morning and since I dont use the phone, the call was blocked and left unanswered.

Wow, just looking at his contact name on my phone jerked me a little. It was more than 14 months since I last talked with him on phone as well as in person.

I don't know why he called me but we have nothing to talk about unless it was about her daughter's need about her laptop(which I bought) and as a computer technician, I was his goto guy for whatever computer and electronics related stuff. Not to mention, this year of her college(started in June 2014), she need to install some paid licensed softwares for the practical exams and that is the main reason she bought that laptop last year. As we brokeup in the last year, I figured she'd goto some random computer shops near her home or college to install them.

I knew she gaslighted me like anything after the breakup and spoiled my reputation with her family and none of them tried to talk me after the breakup. For the fact, the last night before the day we brokeup(on her birthday), her parents invited me for a special dinner and treated me like a king. There has been zero response or communication from them till date.

I knew he's called me to talk something about his daughter or to fix her laptop or whatever but I know He must be acting on her daughter's request as she's the only child for them. I smell she's doing this to try to get back and talk to me.

Now my question is, How do I respond to him if he reached me on phone or comes to my home?

I don't want to see them or that BPD again in my life. They had not respected my feelings after the breakup and left me alone. I struggled very hard to get over it as it is not a typical breakup. Now I got my "self" back and shooting for the sky and living my life happily with my family, friends and associates. Life is awesome.

I know it's inhuman to not respect other's feelings but I don't give a flying duck about what they think about me so if he reaches me, I'm thinking to say like "I've no business with you or your family and I'm not into the computer business anymore. If you need any help with the laptop, there are several shops near your home. I have things to do and I'd really appreciate if you can allow me to continue with my work. Thanks"

What do y'all think? I'd really appreciate some inputs. Thanks. 

Happy Christmas!   

[TheBPDSurvivor]

Hello old and new members!

I've been in complete No Contact(No peeking at her fake FB profile, no digging through her photos on my pc,etc) ever since I took this challenge : https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=235036.msg12509737#msg12509737

Counting the days since I took the challenge, it's just a little more than 2 months but it feels like eternity.  Her thoughts strikes me every now and then but I don't dwell upon it and also I don't even remember her face or her character or how she smiles or looks at me or what we did in the relationship,etc... , It's kinda like a smoke and fog. Like how you feel when you try to remember what you did on your 3rd birthday. You'll know it happened in real but can't remember exactly. That's how I feel about her. It's good to see I'm 99.99% over her. :D

What a great relief when looking back and how I got my feet back with all your support. Thank you all so much! 

I've spent the last months productively on improving my business as well as improved my lifestyle; even greater than what I was during the toxic BPD relationship/breakup.

I've put her old/new mobile number and her fathers and mothers number into the blacklist on my phone. As I was very busy with my business, I didn't have any time to check my personal phone. The last time I used it was before 2 weeks and it was not showing any call logs due to the low memory. I didn't even bother to fix it.

So I took my phone today and cleared some memory so there will be some space for receiving texts as well as to record all the missed calls on the call log. I randomly opened the blacklist app and to my surprise, that BPD's father called me yesterday at 11 in the morning and since I dont use the phone, the call was blocked and left unanswered.

Wow, just looking at his contact name on my phone jerked me a little. It was more than 14 months since I last talked with him on phone as well as in person.

I don't know why he called me but we have nothing to talk about unless it was about her daughter's need about her laptop(which I bought) and as a computer technician, I was his goto guy for whatever computer and electronics related stuff. Not to mention, this year of her college(started in June 2014), she need to install some paid licensed softwares for the practical exams and that is the main reason she bought that laptop last year. As we brokeup in the last year, I figured she'd goto some random computer shops near her home or college to install them.

I knew she gaslighted me like anything after the breakup and spoiled my reputation with her family and none of them tried to talk me after the breakup. For the fact, the last night before the day we brokeup(on her birthday), her parents invited me for a special dinner and treated me like a king. There has been zero response or communication from them till date.

I knew he's called me to talk something about his daughter or to fix her laptop or whatever but I know He must be acting on her daughter's request as she's the only child for them. I smell she's doing this to try to get back and talk to me.

Now my question is, How do I respond to him if he reached me on phone or comes to my home?

I don't want to see them or that BPD again in my life. They had not respected my feelings after the breakup and left me alone. I struggled very hard to get over it as it is not a typical breakup. Now I got my "self" back and shooting for the sky and living my life happily with my family, friends and associates. Life is awesome.

I know it's inhuman to not respect other's feelings but I don't give a flying duck about what they think about me so if he reaches me, I'm thinking to say like "I've no business with you or your family and I'm not into the computer business anymore. If you need any help with the laptop, there are several shops near your home. I have things to do and I'd really appreciate if you can allow me to continue with my work. Thanks"

What do y'all think? I'd really appreciate some inputs. Thanks. 

Happy Christmas!   

[Mutt]

Hi BPDSurvivor,

I'm sorry for the hurt your ex caused and the triggering feelings her dad caused. It could be a number of reasons why he called. If your his "go-to guy" for tech stuff, there's a chance that's why he called. What's the back-story on him? Was he the type of dad that enabled his D's behaviors? Was he indifferent or aware of BPD?

Did your ex smear you to her family? A BPD distortion campaign?

You could also simply let more time pass between you and her family. Revisit how you feel later, there's nothing wrong with letting the wounds heal.

[Turkish]

I think your canned response is good, though perhaps a bit long. Unless there is some curiosity on your side to obtain info about her, or a desire for validation on your part, "NOW you want to talk to me, after all of this time? What about when I really needed it pops?" That seems like JADEing though. Remember Joe Carver: bland and boring. Also BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm): "Your D and I broke up over a year ago. She has her life; I have mine. Do not contact me again." Push END.

[downwhim]

Ignore him.

[Infared]

I would just let it go. Move forward. There is no reason to be in touch.  My ex's Mom contacted me via eMail about a year after she ran off with replacement... .when my Mom passed away. I always loved my ex's Mom's company and was deeply touched that she reached out. I thanked her, told her that I wished that things were different and as I knew... .that was my last contact with her family.  I had a life event and it was appropriate (I felt)... .Afterall I think her Mom really liked me and I think she knows her daughter duped me and abused me... .and no-doubt, smeared me... .but Moms has seen this repeatedly with her daughter... .

I think your case is different and for all you know, it's your ex using her father's phone, right.

Keep it in the day... .and move on down the road... .just like you have been doin. Bravo to you!