Holiday stress

[yeeter]

Although I have been on a solid roll for some time, was just reminded how triggering the holiday stress is for out partners (not in a good way)

So wanted to check in and remind everyone here to expect it, and to keep extra cool (it will pass).

Good luck to all, use the tools, and don't forget to take care of yourself!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[believer55]

Too late for me. Apparently I am a b___ and holier than thou etc right on christmas eve my kids should be at the door any minute. Can't handle it tonight don't know what to do. Know this will go on for days now. Hope ur surviving better   

[Mie]

 

Indeed. We had the first episode of the day... .

But let's keep our spirits up!

 

[Yaffle]

Yes its started!  Getting grief for wanting to have one drink with my work colleagues when we finish today when I should be at home with the kids.  'I'll make sure they have a nice Christmas!'

Bah humbug!

But I am looking forward to seeing the kids open ther presents in the morning!

[believer55]

My SO  has just left me and my kids alone on Christmas eve. This has never happened before. Feeling alone and sad. Kids confused and don't understand. No idea what tomorrow will bring. Feeling for everyone who is in same boat!

[breathelater]

I'm right there with you.  Dealing with BPDh depression and rage and my dBPD bother n law refusal to visit us on Christmas.  And, as is expected, it is all my fault.

It's a lonely and sad Christmas.

Hope the new year brings us all relief.  Let's allow ourselves a little compassion and rely on the strenght we've gained with our past experiences.

[Crumbling]

I'm dealing with the loneliness of not having the kids or grandbaby visiting for Christmas this year.  It's a tough place.  And the first year I'm faced with this.

I'm having a hard time grabbing on to the Christmas spirit, because of it but the more I concentrate on doing things for others, the more into it I get.

I like what Donkey said in the Shrek Christmas special, "It ain't truly Christmas in our house until someone starts crying!"

Merry Regulated Christmas to all and to all a fight-free night!

c.

[sweetheart]

To everyone,

dBPDh is paranoid, hypervigilant, spoiling to offload negativity somewhere at the moment add in Christmas and dysregulations will be inevitable.  We have crisis team nurses coming in daily at the moment as we are waiting for a hospital bed to become available as he has been so unwell lately.

Thinking of all of you over the holidays         

[downwhim]

Christmas which is a joyous occasion brings out such sadness for us all. I am taking it as it is two days only. Christmas eve. I will be with my sister, my kids are with their dad. I miss them on this day. Christmas day I will make them breakfast and we will open presents. That will be good. One day at a time. This year after 8 years my ex will be gone. Heaviness and sadness are here. Need to get through these two days and I will.

Merry Christmas all of you.      

[Cole]

Same here. Family all getting together for Christmas Eve, except for BPD wife who will stay home and pout. Everyone is against her, every little word or gesture an insult. And don't forget anything she has perceive as an attack over the past 16 years, we definitely have to hold onto every little one as a precious gem.

I will take the kids, go without guilt, and have a good time for once. Learned that on this site!     

[flowerpath]

I'm preparing myself to expect the expected and pay close attention to my own responses.

With all of the emotions that do come about at Christmastime, this older post - especially the comments of A.J. Mahari - about emotional immaturity in the pwBPD has helped me to look deeper and be more realistic about the way things are. If you haven't read it already, maybe it will be helpful to you.   

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=60935.0

[maxsterling]

Wow, it sounds like things here are better than most of you.  I'm just dealing with near constant negativity, but I did see her smile for awhile last night.

[Crumbling]

   Thanks for the positive update, Cole!  Way to go Dad!

Lots of great strategies on these posts, and so many heavy burdens.

Prayers and best wishes to you all!

c.

[Mie]

In the beginning of our relationship I made a mistake of arranging Christmas dinner just for two of us, made really good food, flowers, candles, music, the whole shebang. He asked what's the occasion. I said christmas (very irritated). He said: Well, it's not really my thing. He ate fast and went watching TV. I didn't make a number of it, but I was thinking 'what is the matter with him?'.

Since that I we have had christmas with friends. Only problem is that he starts drinking already in the afternoon, which was specially not nice when kids of our friends were small. Last night we had potluck in the cafe and an unusual bunch of people, partying until morning. I have given up all christmas decorations, we just have more candles than usually and a tree outside of café for 'business reasons'.

 

[Ripped Heart]

Today had it's fair share of potential dramas but seemed to have come through unscathed.

1. She was upset that my daughter bought her a gift because we agreed to take care of our own this year so she felt a little overwhelmed. Reminded her that my daughter doesn't expect in return besides my gifts for daughter she will see them as being from both of us. Her kids bought me gifts too so it balances out.

2. Was upset because she felt eldest wasn't happy, middle child got far more and I have to agree with eldest. Gf had a big gift in mind but couldn't afford it in the end. Reminded gf that it will soon be payday for her and that's when she is getting the other gift. Everything balances out in the end.

Just want to point out, eldest isn't spoilt child, she does miss out on a lot as a result of mothers illness so I do feel for her. Last week they went for dinner and gf spent that time on phone to me. Tried to make out I was busy and she had a great opportunity to spend time with daughter but she kept calling. Had it not been me, it would have been someone else on end of phone. I have a lot of empathy for her eldest because I see the same patterns.

3. Dinner went well, only youngest complained. I kept reminding gf what an amazing job she has done today and I'm really proud of how much she accomplished today. Did have a panic because I left half of mine. Not because it wasn't nice, it was just too much. Thought she would read into it that I didn't like it but she was fine.

4. Wanted me to wear my new top for dinner. Only there was no new top. Turns out she accidentally wrapped it and gave it to son. She felt really bad about that but we turned it around.

5. She has finally left for work. Again, kept reminding her what a great day it was today and that I appreciated all the effort she put in. Even got a kiss before she went to work.