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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Merry Christmas... on edge  (Read 600 times)
Deeno02
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« on: December 25, 2014, 05:42:45 AM »
Every damn holiday I'm on edge she's going to contact me... .when does this go away?... .jeez...
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going places
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« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2014, 07:48:40 AM »
When you find something better to do!

Fill your day today with your children... .family... .volunteer... .start a project / finish a project... .

Put your phone in your nightstand drawer, off.

Turn your computer OFF.
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Pingo
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« Reply #2 on: December 25, 2014, 02:37:40 PM »
I have that sensation too but it's not my exh I dread contacting me (pretty sure he won't, I've threatened a RO if he does).  I dread my parents will call.  But it's after noon here and they haven't yet!  (I've been VLC with them for 5 yrs)

What would you do Deeno if she did? 
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Deeno02
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« Reply #3 on: December 25, 2014, 02:42:41 PM »
Quote from: Pingo on December 25, 2014, 02:37:40 PM
I have that sensation too but it's not my exh I dread contacting me (pretty sure he won't, I've threatened a RO if he does).  I dread my parents will call.  But it's after noon here and they haven't yet!  (I've been VLC with them for 5 yrs)

What would you do Deeno if she did? 

Not answer. I cant. Rough day, ruminating like hell, blowing snot bubbles, and just so fu*king lost and alone.
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Pingo
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« Reply #4 on: December 25, 2014, 02:47:53 PM »
Sucks Deeno.  So sorry you are alone today.  Try to get outside if you can.  Fresh air to clear your head?  This day shall pass and we'll pick up and carry on. 

Remembering that today wouldn't be about you at all is helpful to stop the ruminations.  It would be about her and her needs.  Mine would be all melancholy and quiet, missing his family and feeling sorry for himself.  None of the day would be about me.
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Deeno02
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« Reply #5 on: December 25, 2014, 02:55:38 PM »
Quote from: Pingo on December 25, 2014, 02:47:53 PM
Sucks Deeno.  So sorry you are alone today.  Try to get outside if you can.  Fresh air to clear your head?  This day shall pass and we'll pick up and carry on. 

Remembering that today wouldn't be about you at all is helpful to stop the ruminations.  It would be about her and her needs.  Mine would be all melancholy and quiet, missing his family and feeling sorry for himself.  None of the day would be about me.

Guess someday we will get it right huh?
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Pingo
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« Reply #6 on: December 25, 2014, 03:02:19 PM »
Yes Deeno, I think after this experience we'll do much better!  I'm really noticing how I have and still do allow people to take advantage of me.  I wonder why people feel it's okay to take, take, take and not give back... .well it's bc I allow it.  Time for all that to change! 
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Deeno02
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« Reply #7 on: December 25, 2014, 03:17:55 PM »
Quote from: Pingo on December 25, 2014, 03:02:19 PM
Yes Deeno, I think after this experience we'll do much better!  I'm really noticing how I have and still do allow people to take advantage of me.  I wonder why people feel it's okay to take, take, take and not give back... .well it's bc I allow it.  Time for all that to change! 

That, my dear, is a straight up fact. Gave gave gave gave, finally cracked, now Im in the land of misfit toys, ex wife remarried, ex gf with another dude and no one is here for me to ask for help, or soothing. Im just fed up.
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Pingo
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« Reply #8 on: December 25, 2014, 03:49:42 PM »
Funny enough my s10 is the only one who is truly thoughtful to me (in his limited 10 yr old brain).  My d21 is so self-focused, she doesn't go out of her way to help make my life any easier.  Here I am supporting her while she's 'unemployed' and didn't lift a finger helping me with dinner yesterday, let me clean the house for the company and couldn't even bother to make me a fricking Christmas card.  That's what I mean about people taking from me and taking me for granted.  This will be the last Christmas this happens in my house! 
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Deeno02
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« Reply #9 on: December 25, 2014, 04:33:50 PM »
Quote from: Pingo on December 25, 2014, 03:49:42 PM
Funny enough my s10 is the only one who is truly thoughtful to me (in his limited 10 yr old brain).  My d21 is so self-focused, she doesn't go out of her way to help make my life any easier.  Here I am supporting her while she's 'unemployed' and didn't lift a finger helping me with dinner yesterday, let me clean the house for the company and couldn't even bother to make me a fricking Christmas card.  That's what I mean about people taking from me and taking me for granted.  This will be the last Christmas this happens in my house! 

Yeah, 20 y/o daughter, daddy's girl. My fault. I enable everyone... .
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Deeno02
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« Reply #10 on: December 25, 2014, 09:16:28 PM »
Well, made it through safe and sound. Zero contact. My replacement is doing his job well!
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Pingo
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« Reply #11 on: December 25, 2014, 09:50:46 PM »
Good for you Deeno, it will make tomorrow that much easier!  We made it through our first Christmas, tomorrow's a new day!
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Deeno02
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« Reply #12 on: December 26, 2014, 05:46:24 AM »
Quote from: Pingo on December 25, 2014, 09:50:46 PM
Good for you Deeno, it will make tomorrow that much easier!  We made it through our first Christmas, tomorrow's a new day!

Yeah. I guess I can come to the conclusion that shes done with me for good. She finally did something she said she was going to do. That is a relief. Made it through my birthday, thanksgiving and now xmas, not a peep. So, no more on edge for the holidays!
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