anger is brewing.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Ok so in short, my girlfriend disappeared with our baby back in April of this year. When I got home from work they were gone! No warning or explanation. I have not heard one peep out of her since. I'm very angry tonight and honestly I just want to go to her grandmas house and start raising hell until I get answers. I know I'd go to jail and ruin my custody case but i am very upset at the moment. And to bust a windshield out or two.

[hurting300]

Ok so in short, my girlfriend disappeared with our baby back in April of this year. When I got home from work they were gone! No warning or explanation. I have not heard one peep out of her since. I'm very angry tonight and honestly I just want to go to her grandmas house and start raising hell until I get answers. I know I'd go to jail and ruin my custody case but i am very upset at the moment. And to bust a windshield out or two.

[AwakenedOne]

Don't go over there man.

Plenty of bad things could happen. Let it play out in court instead. Is the custody hearing approaching anytime soon? Have you been given any information at all by the Grandma? I know your probably hurting because of the Holiday season without the child. Just let it play out and stay as the one that is sane in all of this and hopefully things will work out for you. Maybe walk around the block to unwind or watch a comedy dvd or something bro.

[hope2727]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. you have every right to be frustrated and mad. You WILL get through this.

Remember that she WANTS you to react and lash out. It allows her to justify her terrible behaviour. Don't let her have that. Don't stoop to her level. Don't give her an example to hold up and say ... ."see! see! he is the crazy one!"

I made that mistake and lashed back. Went toe to toe. It was hopeless and then he could "show" everyone how I was the problem. Sigh. Live and learn.

So sending you hugs. You will get through this.  

[hurting300]

My legal team has proof of her mental illness. She is running from us we can't locate them. The mother and grandmother won't talk. They are God fearing people but won't do the right thing? They make me sick. They'll pay.

[Rise]

My legal team has proof of her mental illness. She is running from us we can't locate them. The mother and grandmother won't talk. They are God fearing people but won't do the right thing? They make me sick. They'll pay.

Hurting, I can't even imagine how frustrating and painful this must be for you. I'd be furious if my ex did that to me. Anger is natural, and in a case like yours quite justified. Being angry can be healthy, as long as you don't let it eat you up and drag you down. Looking to make people pay, rarely pays though.

I've got a bit of a temper on myself, and there were definitely times when things were really bad with my ex I just wanted to make her hurt as much as I did. Eventually I realized ruminating about it wasn't accomplishing anything. In fact, by putting effort into making her pay, really all I was doing was still allowing her to drive my actions, just in the opposite way as before. We weren't together anymore, but I was still giving her power in my life. I chose to shift the focus onto me. And I feel like my life is better because of it.

I know the fact that her family is helping to enable her really bad behavior is enraging. I've been there. My ex's family protected her from reality and enabled her poor choices for a very long time. You got to remember though, regardless of how messed up she is, family bonds run deep. And those bonds can lead us to make poor choices. Sometimes our drive to protect our loved ones makes it hard for us to really see what is wrong and what is right. I like to think that I'd act differently in their position, but when it comes down to it, when it comes to my kids, I can't say for sure that I would. Trying to make them pay for choosing their daught/granddaughter over you... .is it worth the time, the effort, and energy you have to expend, when all of it could be focused into making your life better?

For me, the choice was making myself happy rather than making other people suffer.

[hurting300]

My legal team has proof of her mental illness. She is running from us we can't locate them. The mother and grandmother won't talk. They are God fearing people but won't do the right thing? They make me sick. They'll pay.

Hurting, I can't even imagine how frustrating and painful this must be for you. I'd be furious if my ex did that to me. Anger is natural, and in a case like yours quite justified. Being angry can be healthy, as long as you don't let it eat you up and drag you down. Looking to make people pay, rarely pays though.

I've got a bit of a temper on myself, and there were definitely times when things were really bad with my ex I just wanted to make her hurt as much as I did. Eventually I realized ruminating about it wasn't accomplishing anything. In fact, by putting effort into making her pay, really all I was doing was still allowing her to drive my actions, just in the opposite way as before. We weren't together anymore, but I was still giving her power in my life. I chose to shift the focus onto me. And I feel like my life is better because of it.

I know the fact that her family is helping to enable her really bad behavior is enraging. I've been there. My ex's family protected her from reality and enabled her poor choices for a very long time. You got to remember though, regardless of how messed up she is, family bonds run deep. And those bonds can lead us to make poor choices. Sometimes our drive to protect our loved ones makes it hard for us to really see what is wrong and what is right. I like to think that I'd act differently in their position, but when it comes down to it, when it comes to my kids, I can't say for sure that I would. Trying to make them pay for choosing their daught/granddaughter over you... .is it worth the time, the effort, and energy you have to expend, when all of it could be focused into making your life better?

For me, the choice was making myself happy rather than making other people suffer.

the whole family steals government welfare, birds of a feather flock together you know. My dad would have made me face the music honestly. I totally agree with you though. It's just one of those nights. We take these people in and take care of them only to be shafted by them in the end.

[cosmonaut]

You have every right to be angry.  What your ex did was unimaginably cruel.  To take your child from you only adds to how heartless her behavior was.  We can recognize that she is very sick, but her actions are extremely abusive and you are quite naturally gutted by her behavior.  Anyone would be.  Don't be upset with yourself for being angry.  Anger is completely natural when we have been wronged and abandoned like this.

Don't let your anger consume you, though.  Don't self-destruct in rage.  I know something of what you are going through emotionally.  I've been down a similar road this past year and there were times of extreme darkness.  Intense anger and profound depression.  Worst experience of my life by far and I've been through some stuff in my days.

Feel your anger and let it come, but process it.  Find out where it is coming from.  The underlying emotion driving the anger is almost certainly deep, deep hurt - wounds to your very core self.  We have been hurt in a profound way and it is quite the journey to recover and heal from that.  A whole year later and I'm still on the road.  Probably will be in yet another year.  This stuff goes very deep.  If you are like me, back to your very early childhood and FOO.  The seeds of what you are feeling go well beyond just your ex - at least they did for me.  That's why this is so incredibly raw and painful.  Far, far beyond just a broken heart.

Hang in there, my man.  Things do get easier as time goes on.  The pain hasn't really ended for me, but is has dulled somewhat.  The holidays have brought it up again, but most of the time it's sort of a background pain instead of the stabbing agony it once was.  We can get used to it, I suppose.  Anyway, have faith that it does get easier.  The anger will start to lessen too in time.  At some point, hopefully we fully heal.  Still not there myself, but working toward it.  Anyway, I really do understand where you are coming from and I deeply sympathize.

[hurting300]

Thanks guys your replies mean a lot. I am very upset with her. She has no right to do this to me. I have done things I'm not perfect. But she crossed the line.