Hi again Reluctant Dragon
I hope you've been able to finish the holiday clean up Thanks for answering my questions.
"Egg Donor" pretty much covers how I see her when I'm angry. I feel like, "Hey, thanks for giving birth to me but thanks for nothing else!".
I understand where you're coming from here. Experiencing anger for what has been done to you is a necessary part of trying to heal the hurt. When you look at the the Survivor's Guide you'll see that one of the steps mentions anger and how to deal with it (step 6). You say you intend to start the year off examining the Survivor's Guide more closely and I really hope you do. Just recently I went through the entire guide again myself and it's interesting to see that as you reach different levels of your healing, you also interpret the steps differently as you reread them.
"Broomhilda" is part of my finding humor coping strategy. I got that from my non PD dad. Dad was a funny guy with a side of sarcasm. He was very much like the father in "Life is Beautiful". So since Broom-Hilda was a comic strip from the 70s (my childhood) and since my Broomhilda matches the Queen and Witch mothers in "Understanding the Borderline Mother" it's a convenient nickname.
So I suppose that referring to her as "Egg Donor" and "Broomhilda" is my way of acknowledging I will never have a real mother.
Humor can sometimes indeed be very helpful as you try to come to terms of the reality of who and what your mother is and how this has affected you.
I suppose I need to look into therapy but since I worked closely with psychiatrists and psychologists in my job part of me thinks, "Meh, what are they going to tell me that I haven't already heard already?".
Sometimes it's not only what people say but also how they say it. Certain people have the ability to get through to you or make you look at things differently. This could be a therapist but there are indeed also other options. Support forums like this can be very helpful and having a support network of good friends too. Everyone has to find their own path towards healing. You reaching out here and sharing your story is something I consider a significant step forward
As difficult as it can be to discuss these kind of things, I believe it does help to get them out into the open. It helps you get rid of a possible sense of isolation and can also really help other people who are reading your story.
You know what? I've spent nearly 30 years being the good, forgiving Christian. And I've been devalued, discarded, and disowned for the second time in my life. Plus it's come to my attention that everyone who crosses paths with Egg Donor these days is being treated to the tale of my being the ___ of (Hometown).
It must be very unpleasant for you that your mother says these things about you to other people. How did you find out about it? Have those people told you that your mother says these things? What helps me deal with the hurtful behaviors of my uBPD relatives, is drastically lowering my expectations of them and fully expecting them to misbehave and mentally and emotionally prepare myself for that. What also helps me is to keep telling myself not to take anything they say or do personally, because it's most likely not a reflection of who I truly am but more likely a reflection of their own inner turmoil and negativity. Easier said that done of course, I realize that, but I do find that keeping these things in mind helps me to stay calm and prevents them from getting to me too much.
So I think I've earned to right to be damn angry and IMHO it's really not very therapeutic to admonish me for being so just as I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm angry in the first place.
After the abuse you were subjected to, you indeed definitely have the right to be angry. That's normal and all of us have experienced such anger and often still do. Considering how you're feeling, I get why you might interpret that post you're referring to as an admonishment. I personally think there's also another way to view the comments. All of us here are members with people with BPD in our lives. As a result we can very much relate to you and also to the anger you're feeling. One of the things we try to do here is share our experiences and also our lessons. Anger is natural, in fact it would be strange if you weren't angry after what you've been through. I believe the advice you've been given was just to share experiences and lessons with you to help you deal with the anger and move through it when you're ready.
Secondly, there are those of us who indeed do have a parent who is "all black" with no gray. In fact there are some people in this world who are absolutely EVIL. I don't think one has to believe in any kind of religion to acknowledge there are just some individuals who have NO redeeming qualities. For example my NPD MIL. She KNOWINGLY exposed my children to her pedophile husband. Yeah, there's no "temptation" nor "vindication" on my part in my judgement of her as ALL BAD, thank you.
I am very sorry your children were put in harms way like this. How are you and your children coping with this?
I'm a bit confused. I am not one to just jump into forums willy-nilly without lurking for awhile and getting the feel of the place I'm thinking about joining. I've read up to page 106 on this forum and it appeared to be a place of comradery for people with similar experiences in dealing with personality disordered people. Is this indeed a place where I can vent and share my experiences or am I going to be lectured about going through my journey at a particular pace and on a particular timeline whenever I post a simple observation? Maybe that's not how you meant to come across but right now I feel judged.
I share your initial conclusion that this community is a place of comradery. In my experience this is absolutely true. When discussing difficult issues like this, you will get various types of responses. People validating your experiences and also trying to share insights with you that might help you in your healing. You seem quite triggered by a particular response you got here. Now that a day has passed, how do you feel about things also after (re)reading everything here? Can you perhaps see how the responses were aimed at sharing insights and lessons with you to help you in your healing process and not aimed at judging you or lecturing at you?
