My current state w/ my spouse

[pocan_again]

Hi

My wife has BPD, which she doesn't know about but I got an opinion from my psychologist who listened to my story and said she definitely has BPD, which is moderate to high though she is high performing i.e. has a good job.

One of the biggest trigger points is when I have to talk to my family or have my parents speak to our kids. She doesn't want or like them to talk and claims they are mean, bad people who have insulted her etc.  I fell into the trap of reinforcing her behavior in the past by doing what would keep the peace and in the process haven't let my parents build any relationship with our kids for last 5+ years. After consulting my psychologist, he said I should put my foot down.

Things had been smooth for last 1.5 months. On New Years day we spoke to my parents and wished them. She was ok until evening then suddenly starting showing signs of moodiness and anger in the evening. I asked her a few times and didn't know what happened and she said nothing, she is tired. Then after sleeping thru and in the morning, she woke up and started her stories on how my parents insulted her when she called. I could hear a lot of the phone conversation since the speaker was loud and can attest none of that is true. Anyway I just listened and emphatized with her.  Things cooled down by evening. In the evening, my parents called to speak to our boys and then all hell has broken loose since last evening. She has been an emotional mess. Lots of crying, delusions, threats about going to leave me, done with this marriage etc. She didn't eat dinner. I asked her to and she refused and I let her be. I have been cool during the process and trying to emphatize while ask her for a solution.

This morning it has continued with differing stories, insults about my parents, myself, threats etc. I have remained cool and let her be. she is still under depression and has severe headache. She is on a short fuse with our boys as well.

My question is - do I give her space and let her be? Or do I try to keep talking and try to soothe her feelings? I've cancelled my plans with my friends to watch NFL playoffs this evening at a bar to be at home. She claims she has cancelled our baby sitter tomorrow since we planned to go for a movie and then kept threatening me to go for the game etc and she would keep our plans.

I plan to get an appointment with my psychologist next week. Any thoughts would help.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pocan_again]

In her depressed state with racing thoughts, she has said she would talk to her dad, might go to a counselor i.e. marriage etc. I am OK with going to a marriage counselor. Do u think it'll be obvious she has BPD. Re: her dad, I asked one question - will her dad agree with her approach of splitting my parents and not having them talk to our boys. She kept quiet.