Uncomfortable going out and trying to move on

[downwhim]

Has anyone else felt this way? Odd going out now not as a couple.

So, Friday night my gf's said "it has been long enough, you need to go out with us and have fun." We went to a dance club and I looked around at couples. I felt myself analyzing. How do they work together? Felt more lonely. Viewed my prospects. None.

So I changed my attitude. Why not just dance and have fun and forget thinking about finding someone. It worked.

It will be hard starting over, trying to get to know someone again. One step at a time.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Seems to be the case that when you stop looking then someone comes along.  I think the detachment and disinterest somehow makes you more appealing to the opposite sex.  But what do I know?  I keep falling for BPDs 

[Infern0]

I have been avoiding the clubs tbh, if I see my replacement he'll bait me and i'll end up fighting him for sure. Don't really fancy dealing with the police and BPD ex crazy accusations and all the rest of it. I'll be painted as the a$$hole who assaulted the innocent drug addled muppet.

[Perdita]

I actually went on a "date" this week.  Nice man, good conversation, but I am not looking for romance.  Just nice to have a man's company and to see that he actually feels lucky to be with me!

I get what you say about seeing couples etc.  I see young couples in love in the park where I go and it does hurt, but what can I really do about it?  Just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

[FrenchConnection]

I am in this phase right now too.  But honestly, these are normal feelings after any kind of breakup from a relationship:  normal or with BPD.  It just takes time. 

[captainp]

I'm in this phase as well.

I'm too paranoid about this happening again to attempt to date anyone right now. 

[sirensong65]

We recycled briefly in February of last year.  I dated a guy who also turned out to be a Narc AND BPD for two months over the summer.  That last experience made me deathly afraid to date.  Haven't done so since.

Sort of getting concerned that I don't miss sex AT ALL.  Don't feel a desire to get back out there at ALL either.  Just plugging along with work, kids and my great circle of friends.  I feel if it doesn't happen, I have had it before so I can say I have experienced love.  Some die never knowing how it feels.  So for that I am grateful.

[CloseToFreedom]

I know the feeling all too well. It's been 6 weeks since the break up for me and the first few weeks I didn't want to go out, because its a small town and we share a lot of the same friends so I was bound to bump into her. Then on new years eve i said screw that, and went to a party of my friends where she was too.

It wasn't easy, I can tell you that. But it was a first step. And now I just go out. Of course Im still afraid to see her but I don't let it control my life anymore. You need to get out there and try to get on with your life, for yourself. The more you see your ex, the less it will hurt. It just takes time.

[downwhim]

For 3 months I have pretty much holed up, read books, posted and read here to learn what exactly happened to me. I knew of BPD but had never studied it. Bam, this information showed me why I struggled so much and helped me realize I am not crazy. I no longer am on anxiety pills, my gut is not aching, I have no more PTSD. I realize running into him, a phone call or any contact could kick me back some. That is why I am so careful. Today I start on my second 90 N/C.

I too prefer to stay home than go out into the jungle of life. I feel safe at home and know I will not see him.I also feel that I got to fall in love (whether or not it was real to him I don't care- it was to me) and so many people don't get to experience it. I am not looking for a replacement just wanted to share the first night out, not sure when I will do it again but know I have to move on.

[enlighten me]

I went out friday and just got really drunk. Talked to a few girls but wasnt interesred. I saw PDs  everywhere. A guy I was drinking with was being a real arse to his girlfriend. Me and her got talking and she told me he had BPD. She said she was waiting for her new place to be available and yhen was doing a runner without letting him know where she was going. I always thought my home town was odd but apparenty its a PD hotspot and thats from a medical professional I know.

[Deeno02]

I've been going out. Not seriously at all. Mostly with couples, some married, some not, single friends, stuff like that. Not at all serious dates, just friends getting together. It's been nice. I have been avoiding areas as not to run into them, but so far, so good. I'm lonely as hell, missing being a couple, but happy to not have the aggravation anymore.

[hope2727]

I've been out a bit with friends but I am kind of a home body to begin with. Mostly I just want to withdraw. Besides I am trying to save money. I feel no urge to date. Still to much grief to wade through.

[downwhim]

I've been out a bit with friends but I am kind of a home body to begin with. Mostly I just want to withdraw. Besides I am trying to save money. I feel no urge to date. Still to much grief to wade through.

I too do not want to date. I do not trust any man right now.

[willtimeheal]

I joined a gym and started exercising more. I have met a few people but have no desire for it to go anywhere. Like many of you I miss being a couple but I don't miss the drama. I am a little past 90 days NC and I am starting to be more and more comfortable in my own skin and by myself.

[nowwhatz]

Seems to be the case that when you stop looking then someone comes along.  I think the detachment and disinterest somehow makes you more appealing to the opposite sex.  But what do I know?  I keep falling for BPDs 

At this point for me a different BPD would be an improvement .

Because the long r/s with the BPD affected my attitude, confidence and whatever else I don't feel like the same person I was before who could be very charming and fun.   Plus if I get into a new r/s with a normal girl won't I have to explain how I was in a dysfuntional r/s?

I agree with you about the the detachment and disinterest making you more appealing.

[willtimeheal]

Seems to be the case that when you stop looking then someone comes along.  I think the detachment and disinterest somehow makes you more appealing to the opposite sex.  But what do I know?  I keep falling for BPDs 

At this point for me a different BPD would be an improvement .

Because the long r/s with the BPD affected my attitude, confidence and whatever else I don't feel like the same person I was before who could be very charming and fun.   Plus if I get into a new r/s with a normal girl won't I have to explain how I was in a dysfuntional r/s?

I don't think you would have to explain anything about your past relationship. When people ask me I simply say it didn't work out. The few guys I dated and I went into more detail I just simply said it was emotionally and verbally abusive so I left. The "good" ones understand that and are okay with that. Anyone that wouldn't be ok with it I would consider that to be a red flag.