NC advice.

[mitchell16]

most here know my story and my struggle with my exBPDgf. Ive been out of mine since june and NC for over 4 months and when I say NC that mean NC, I havent spoken to her, reponded to anything in 4 months. I still get a weekely email, phone call, text message from her or her family or one of her friends and I have still maintained NC. and it works. If yiou truly want to get over them, NC is the only way. It is hard, yes I still think about her everyday and I do miss her and what I percieved we had togther. But I do have to face relality. I can have passion, and hot crazy sex but have no enjoyable consistent life or I can have a enjoyable and consistent life with someone who I can trust and who truly cares for me. I choose the later. But while reflecting oved the last 3 years and why I recycled some many times is I failed to NC and stick to it. I couldnt see what I needed to do becasue i was staying pulled into the mess with her. Only because I failed to stay NC.

so if you are still struggling with letting them go, Please do yourself a favor and go NC. I still come to these boards every day. They are my AA meetings LOL so to speak.

[fromheeltoheal]

I can have passion, and hot crazy sex but have no enjoyable consistent life or I can have a enjoyable and consistent life with someone who I can trust and who truly cares for me.

Are those the only two choices?  Probably depends on how we define passion; does it include chaos and unpredictability?  That can seem invigorating and make us feel fully alive, but is that the only definition?  What if passion could be developing a relationship based on mutual respect and trust, and feeling safe enough to let fly with who we really are, sexually and otherwise, and finding true passion that way, from within a sustainable relationship?  Relationships with 'normal' people don't need to be dead and boring, unless maybe there's something from our past that makes chaos seem comfortable and familiar?

[mitchell16]

I agree. I think with exBPD the chaos became the norm. Once I left that, in the beginning i found a normal relationship to being boring and i mistoke that for no passion and thought I couldnt connect with anybody but my BPD. I think I was brainwashed and that kept me further tied to her and open to a recycle. It took NC and staying out of the choas to fully understand the sickness of the those relationships, my opinon. Im dating a wonderful lady now. she is full of life, kind, and caring and times cause we dont have the drama Im used to I feel a little bored. But then I think back and remind myself of the misery, the uncertain, frustration, anger i felt with my BPD and wouldnt trade it. My point is it the NC to get there if I hadnt of did that i would be going on year 4 of more recycles.