I lived five plus years with a person who has higher functioning 'invisible" BPD

[FHSIS]

Hi,

I am new to this site.  The last 11 months have shown me the world of psychology to which I have no previous knowledge.  I have lived through blame, criticism, anger outburst, massive unreasonableness, ridiculous emotional behavior, inconsolable experiences, shocking actions and much, much more.  What is real and what is not real can blend together in the house of a person who has BPD.  Thank God I no longer have to live with that person, but I have two beautiful little girls with her and their destiny is very uncertain with a mother like theirs.  The book "The Borderline Mother' speaks about it and I am dealing with a 'queen' who is also 'witch'.  My daughter's Mother's family has BPD throughout it, something that I always new (since I always knew that something wasn't right), but only became aware of in Dec last year, when I visited a psychologist to share my ex-wife's behavior and I was told about BPD.  Three psychologist later the story hasn't changed, nor has the diagnosis (BPD with NPD).  It is fascinating beyond fascinating and to think that people in general really are completely unaware of its existence.  I have never witnessed a person lie so convincingly or have such depth of cognitive distortion. 

I now own 6 or so books on the topic and they help to give me clarity on my experience living with the individual.  I feel like I have been the child of a Borderline Mother for the period of time that I lived with the individual.  It is painful to think of the absolute unreasonableness that I live through in an attempt to create something that I just had no power over (a family for my children).  My own Mother I realize does have Borderline traits.  An eye opener and connection point as to one of the reasons I believe I was able to live with the individual for so long and was attracted to her.  I see clearly that there have been others in the past too.  The are other reasons too as to why I stayed in the relationship, like my dedication to my word, commitment, my children and the hope that they might have a life in which they have a Mom and Dad that are together, there for them and understand the greater picture in life, but that was not meant to be.  My athletic background kept me in the game for a long time and really and truly, if God had not come and forced things upon me to change I might have been stuck in the black hole for many years to come.  The BPD of my ex is way beyond that of my Mother and the more I learn the more fascinating things become.

I'm here to connect with other who have shared these experiences and help others.

[pallavirajsinghani]

Welcome My Friend:

I am glad that you have gained some perspective.  Unfortunately there is so much material about the disorder itself and relatively little about it's effect on the nons who love them/live with them.  They end up with an entire gamut of negative traits themselves  (commonly known as "fleas".  I hope that you will consider therapy for yourself and for the children.  PTSD/distorted cognition is not uncommon in the survivors... .afterall you have gone through 5 years of brainwashing/gaslighting/chaos/turmoil... .by this time you perhaps do not know which end is where and what is what and when is when.

How old are your children?  How are they doing?  Do you share custody?

Do stay with us... .you will learn valuable skills here.

God Bless.

[Hawk Ridge]

My ex was also a quiet acting in high functioning pwBPD.  Though she was quiet, she managed to degrade me for the smallest things.  By the end of our r/s, my hands shook nervously and I developed IbS. My replacement and my ex's previous r/s brought children into the mix. She spoke of being annoyed and highly critical of the kids from the previous r/s and I suspect is with the current kids too as she appeared somewhat dysregulated last time I saw her. Her house was a mess ( very unusual) and the kid's belongings were strewn about.  I worry about the kids.  Is this something you encountered too?

[ImaFita]

Hi,

I am new to this site.  The last 11 months have shown me the world of psychology to which I have no previous knowledge.  I have lived through blame, criticism, anger outburst, massive unreasonableness, ridiculous emotional behavior, inconsolable experiences, shocking actions and much, much more.  What is real and what is not real can blend together in the house of a person who has BPD.  Thank God I no longer have to live with that person, but I have two beautiful little girls with her and their destiny is very uncertain with a mother like theirs.  The book "The Borderline Mother' speaks about it and I am dealing with a 'queen' who is also 'witch'.  My daughter's Mother's family has BPD throughout it, something that I always new (since I always knew that something wasn't right), but only became aware of in Dec last year, when I visited a psychologist to share my ex-wife's behavior and I was told about BPD.  Three psychologist later the story hasn't changed, nor has the diagnosis (BPD with NPD).  It is fascinating beyond fascinating and to think that people in general really are completely unaware of its existence.  I have never witnessed a person lie so convincingly or have such depth of cognitive distortion. 

I now own 6 or so books on the topic and they help to give me clarity on my experience living with the individual.  I feel like I have been the child of a Borderline Mother for the period of time that I lived with the individual.  It is painful to think of the absolute unreasonableness that I live through in an attempt to create something that I just had no power over (a family for my children).  My own Mother I realize does have Borderline traits.  An eye opener and connection point as to one of the reasons I believe I was able to live with the individual for so long and was attracted to her.  I see clearly that there have been others in the past too.  The are other reasons too as to why I stayed in the relationship, like my dedication to my word, commitment, my children and the hope that they might have a life in which they have a Mom and Dad that are together, there for them and understand the greater picture in life, but that was not meant to be.  My athletic background kept me in the game for a long time and really and truly, if God had not come and forced things upon me to change I might have been stuck in the black hole for many years to come.  The BPD of my ex is way beyond that of my Mother and the more I learn the more fascinating things become.

I'm here to connect with other who have shared these experiences and help others.

My dynamic is similar in regards to having a Mother with just BPD traits, but having to put up with my sons Mother - who has a BPD similar to your X wife, certainly profiles as a queen with witch tendencies. It is extremely frustrating, everyone these ppl come across just seem to believe everything they say.