Innocuous LC

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

So, I contacted my husband regarding filing status for tax returns.  I wanted to make sure he was not filing married because he owed back child support and I don't want issues with my refund.  I left him a message and was very nice asking him to just shoot me a text or call me back and let me know. He called, but I was busy. He left a voice mail saying he was returning my call, but he did not answer my question on the voice mail.  I called him back and he answered,  but he also asked some questions about how I am doing to which I said I am really busy and I only called about the taxes, so thanks for the answer,  but I gotta go. Three hours later he texts the following:It was nice to hear your voice today Seriously? ! Hope all is well with you and your family ... .Sorry that the marriage didn't work out with us but I wish you well * take care and god bless ... .I am not responding to his text.  I could hear from the tone of his voice in the phone call that he might be attempting to suck me in. I promised myself when he left that anything short of a sincere apology that made me know he realized his part in things and an offer to go to counseling would be viewed as breadcrumbs.  Knowing him,  he wants me to offer forgiveness or he is feeling me out for a recycle. It was hard hearing his voice today because he sounds just like my husband I thought I would be with forever. I cried after the call, and I cried after the text. It's all so sad. Am I obsessing here? Maybe.  It could have just been a way for him to say sorry.

[Seriously?]

So, I contacted my husband regarding filing status for tax returns.  I wanted to make sure he was not filing married because he owed back child support and I don't want issues with my refund.  I left him a message and was very nice asking him to just shoot me a text or call me back and let me know. He called, but I was busy. He left a voice mail saying he was returning my call, but he did not answer my question on the voice mail.  I called him back and he answered,  but he also asked some questions about how I am doing to which I said I am really busy and I only called about the taxes, so thanks for the answer,  but I gotta go. Three hours later he texts the following:It was nice to hear your voice today Seriously? ! Hope all is well with you and your family ... .Sorry that the marriage didn't work out with us but I wish you well * take care and god bless ... .I am not responding to his text.  I could hear from the tone of his voice in the phone call that he might be attempting to suck me in. I promised myself when he left that anything short of a sincere apology that made me know he realized his part in things and an offer to go to counseling would be viewed as breadcrumbs.  Knowing him,  he wants me to offer forgiveness or he is feeling me out for a recycle. It was hard hearing his voice today because he sounds just like my husband I thought I would be with forever. I cried after the call, and I cried after the text. It's all so sad. Am I obsessing here? Maybe.  It could have just been a way for him to say sorry.

[Mutt]

Hi Seriously?



It's hard not getting validated for the pain an ex spouse caused and getting breadcrumbs. It shows some level on empathy and I took the apology I got from my ex wife. She simply said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for things to be this way" and not much more or an explanation -  the apology made me angry. I got that apology 5 months ago and I noticed she's been trying to do kind things.

I don't think your obsessing, it may take time to process this. I sent mine a simple message after processing things and simply said "Thanks for the apology, I'm sorry too." The magnitude of her chaos and the apology was difficult to accept and on the other hand I understand the disorder. I think this is the best she can do and I accept that. I said I'm sorry because I understand now I was controlling in the marriage and post-break up.

It could have just been a way for him to say sorry.

It's possible. You can take it for what it is.

[Seriously?]

Thanks, Mutt. His text is just so nonchalant to me. Oh, sorry it didn't work out. Like talking about a new hair conditioner rather than a marriage. I am healing. I am going to quit thinking about this now and go see my son in his school play. Again, thanks. I never know if my thoughts on this stuff makes sense because I still don't fully accept it.

[Mutt]

Thanks, Mutt. His text is just so nonchalant to me. Oh, sorry it didn't work out. Like talking about a new hair conditioner rather than a marriage. I am healing. I am going to quit thinking about this now and go see my son in his school play. Again, thanks. I never know if my thoughts on this stuff makes sense because I still don't fully accept it.

It took me awhile to accept it. You have a right to feel the way you do. If you feel sad, feel sad. I felt anger. A series of things my ex did led me to examine her apology and it clicked in. I thought back to her apology and thought she meant it and I know if I mention anything that she did it's going to trigger shame, guilt. She doesn't value herself and I thought I'm not going to push it. I'll take it.

If it doesn't make sense. So be it. Perhaps it may make sense later. I'm sorry. The blasé delivery is really hard