Did you start to spot them everywhere since you know about BPD?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Since I found out that my ex is most likely BPD I started to spot Cluster-B-personalities everywhere around me. The only diagnosed pwBPD in my family is my cousin, he use to say "Crazy people attract each other and we are all crazy in this family."

My mother:

The first thing she said after I told her that my BPDexgf left me for another man was: "The poor children, what is that woman doing with her children?" Yes, she was right, but I never saw it that way. And I was wondering, why she of all people said it, because she is the reason that I did't saw it that way. It was normal for me, she did it all the time, when I was a child. I woke up on a sunday morning an a stranger was sitting at the breakfast table. "This is my new friend xy - these are my children." And once you got used to him - some of those guys were quite nice - they were replaced. She met her second husband on the fair, they drank a lot and she bumped into the bedroom of me and my sister to introduce him to us. He moved in a week later and they married after six months or so. He became my stepfather, he was a monster - like my real father, I think he had traits of NPD (like his son, my younger halfbrother). My mother is extremly manipulative, she knows how to use shame and guilt to get the attention she needs. I live in her house since the breakup from my BPDexgf and I witnessed a phone call with my elder sister, which was textbook emotional abuse. She did not know that I heard what she said to my sister and lied to me, when I asked, if anythings wrong.

My father:

The classic narcissist. A womanizer, told me he had more than 500 women when I was 12. (There was also sexual abuse when I was a child, but I wont talk about the details, they may be triggers.) He always wanted me to be a copy of him, his little clone. He never accepted my choices, had no respect for my wife, told me I'm a loser because I was a monogamous and faithful husband. He always makes promises, tries to charm you into his realm of power and has soon as he knows your depend on him, he drops you. He once talked me into a high-speed internet contract. I told him, that I can't afford this contract. He said, that I can count on him, he will pay the share I can't afford. He never did. There's much more to say about him, but it's all so sickening. He's the sickest person in this family, for sure.

My younger half-brother:

He has lots of BPD-traits. Can't hold a job, can't manage his finances, never had a relationship that lasts longer than two years. He told me once, that he wants to get beaten up because he wants to know how it feels. He's into drugs and alcohol and calls himself a narcissist, sometimes he also thinks he's a psychopath. Some days ago he told me, he thinks he's bi-sexual, but he's not sure. He's said, he's not sure who he really his. His father (my stepfather) died when he was 7. He told me, that he sees me as a father figure - but he also thinks, I'm sexually crippled, because of my monogamous nature. I told him, that I don't think, that being a womanizer and having lots of one night stands is a sign of a mature sexual life. And it's not a way to have real good sex - in my terms.  Good sex needs intimacy and you can't reach intimacy in a one night stand. He didn't get it, I think.

My brother-in-law (husband of my elder sister):

He's the "difficult child" of my family. Nobody likes him. He has traits of NPD, but he lacks the grandiosity of the typical narcissist. He is in some ways like my father and my half-brother - they are all no good listeners, they have to talk, it's always about them and their actual interests. It's never about you. But my half-brother and my father can hide their narcissism behind their grandiosity, they are charming, witty, well-read, educated, they have a quote for every topic - they are experts in everything. My brother-in-law is also needy of attention, but he doesn't have the intellectual means to attract it. He has developed his own strategy to gain attention. He says something like "I really admire what xy has done last week". Pause. You don't have a clue, what he is talking about. You inquire, and he repeats his statement: "Yes, I really admire it. What do you think about it?". And this goes on for several minutes - and in the end you realize that he is talking about something trivial, you won't even mention.

The new wife of my mothers neighbour:

On the day I moved back to my mothers house, the whole family came to celebrate the return of the lost son. I was in a BPD-relationship and my BPDexgf had isolated me from my family - and I was a thankful victim, because I knew, that my family is not good for me. I didn't have a clue, that my new love is just another brand of the same toxin. It was a warm night at the end of september and we sat together on the terrace of my mother's house. I was totally desperate and still in the FOG of my BPDex. We talked about the breakup and someone commented our talk from the garden next door. That was the new wife of my mothers neighbour. She joined us and we talked, and after some hours all were gone to bed, just me and her - and she reminded me so of my BPDexgf. It was 4 a.m. when she left and I thought "Oh, there is hope, there are other girls like my ex". On new years eve my mother told me, that she and her husband didn't open the door, when she and other friends wanted to see the new year in. She also told me, that her neighbour has changed. He once was the party-king of the neighbourhood. No year without a beach party in his garden in summer and a big halloween-party. This all has stopped since he married his wife. She is isolating him. This was another light bulb moment for me. She reminded me of my BPDexgf because she was mirroring me. And all her talk about ailments - she is at the end of her 20s. Has no job, is complaining about the son of her husband - who is a really good guy - and had nothing good to say about her ex, she left for her husband. Red flags all over the place. 

[Maternus]

Since I found out that my ex is most likely BPD I started to spot Cluster-B-personalities everywhere around me. The only diagnosed pwBPD in my family is my cousin, he use to say "Crazy people attract each other and we are all crazy in this family."

My mother:

The first thing she said after I told her that my BPDexgf left me for another man was: "The poor children, what is that woman doing with her children?" Yes, she was right, but I never saw it that way. And I was wondering, why she of all people said it, because she is the reason that I did't saw it that way. It was normal for me, she did it all the time, when I was a child. I woke up on a sunday morning an a stranger was sitting at the breakfast table. "This is my new friend xy - these are my children." And once you got used to him - some of those guys were quite nice - they were replaced. She met her second husband on the fair, they drank a lot and she bumped into the bedroom of me and my sister to introduce him to us. He moved in a week later and they married after six months or so. He became my stepfather, he was a monster - like my real father, I think he had traits of NPD (like his son, my younger halfbrother). My mother is extremly manipulative, she knows how to use shame and guilt to get the attention she needs. I live in her house since the breakup from my BPDexgf and I witnessed a phone call with my elder sister, which was textbook emotional abuse. She did not know that I heard what she said to my sister and lied to me, when I asked, if anythings wrong.

My father:

The classic narcissist. A womanizer, told me he had more than 500 women when I was 12. (There was also sexual abuse when I was a child, but I wont talk about the details, they may be triggers.) He always wanted me to be a copy of him, his little clone. He never accepted my choices, had no respect for my wife, told me I'm a loser because I was a monogamous and faithful husband. He always makes promises, tries to charm you into his realm of power and has soon as he knows your depend on him, he drops you. He once talked me into a high-speed internet contract. I told him, that I can't afford this contract. He said, that I can count on him, he will pay the share I can't afford. He never did. There's much more to say about him, but it's all so sickening. He's the sickest person in this family, for sure.

My younger half-brother:

He has lots of BPD-traits. Can't hold a job, can't manage his finances, never had a relationship that lasts longer than two years. He told me once, that he wants to get beaten up because he wants to know how it feels. He's into drugs and alcohol and calls himself a narcissist, sometimes he also thinks he's a psychopath. Some days ago he told me, he thinks he's bi-sexual, but he's not sure. He's said, he's not sure who he really his. His father (my stepfather) died when he was 7. He told me, that he sees me as a father figure - but he also thinks, I'm sexually crippled, because of my monogamous nature. I told him, that I don't think, that being a womanizer and having lots of one night stands is a sign of a mature sexual life. And it's not a way to have real good sex - in my terms.  Good sex needs intimacy and you can't reach intimacy in a one night stand. He didn't get it, I think.

My brother-in-law (husband of my elder sister):

He's the "difficult child" of my family. Nobody likes him. He has traits of NPD, but he lacks the grandiosity of the typical narcissist. He is in some ways like my father and my half-brother - they are all no good listeners, they have to talk, it's always about them and their actual interests. It's never about you. But my half-brother and my father can hide their narcissism behind their grandiosity, they are charming, witty, well-read, educated, they have a quote for every topic - they are experts in everything. My brother-in-law is also needy of attention, but he doesn't have the intellectual means to attract it. He has developed his own strategy to gain attention. He says something like "I really admire what xy has done last week". Pause. You don't have a clue, what he is talking about. You inquire, and he repeats his statement: "Yes, I really admire it. What do you think about it?". And this goes on for several minutes - and in the end you realize that he is talking about something trivial, you won't even mention.

The new wife of my mothers neighbour:

On the day I moved back to my mothers house, the whole family came to celebrate the return of the lost son. I was in a BPD-relationship and my BPDexgf had isolated me from my family - and I was a thankful victim, because I knew, that my family is not good for me. I didn't have a clue, that my new love is just another brand of the same toxin. It was a warm night at the end of september and we sat together on the terrace of my mother's house. I was totally desperate and still in the FOG of my BPDex. We talked about the breakup and someone commented our talk from the garden next door. That was the new wife of my mothers neighbour. She joined us and we talked, and after some hours all were gone to bed, just me and her - and she reminded me so of my BPDexgf. It was 4 a.m. when she left and I thought "Oh, there is hope, there are other girls like my ex". On new years eve my mother told me, that she and her husband didn't open the door, when she and other friends wanted to see the new year in. She also told me, that her neighbour has changed. He once was the party-king of the neighbourhood. No year without a beach party in his garden in summer and a big halloween-party. This all has stopped since he married his wife. She is isolating him. This was another light bulb moment for me. She reminded me of my BPDexgf because she was mirroring me. And all her talk about ailments - she is at the end of her 20s. Has no job, is complaining about the son of her husband - who is a really good guy - and had nothing good to say about her ex, she left for her husband. Red flags all over the place. 

[Recooperating]

Yep! Not only in my close network of people, but at work (my boss is a narc), and how about on tv? Confession; i used to like some reality shows... .But WOW, it annoys the crap out of me now!