Isolated by an Emotional Terrorist

[urbancowgrl7152]

I have no idea where to even start. My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder (she has been diagnosed) and her mental health has reeked havoc on my entire life. I suffered years of emotional and physical abuse. Of course, no one believed me as a child because she comes across as mother of the year when you talked to her. All of her problems were always my fault according to her. She did horrible things. Left grab marks on me. She would even self injure in front of me and tell me that I was making her do it. Crazy, right?

Things got better when I moved out of the house 18 since I was no longer living under the reign of an emotional terrorist. My father has seen the light and has decided to divorce her because he no longer is interested in living with the emotional terrorist. As she has realized that she has less and less control over us, she is unraveling quickly. She was threatening to kill herself (left a note with a detailed plan) and left me a voice mail telling me good-bye and to have a good life. I called for help and of course it's MY fault that she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Of course they released her after 72-hours because she seemed so "high functioning."

Now she's out and she has it out for me. I get nasty and disturbing emails, phone calls, texts, etc. She has disowned me. I am terrified of her but I have no concrete reason why. I sardonically told my therapist that if I go missing to check her basement first. I'm only half kidding when I say this. The other half of me is terrified of her taking her own life in front of me to punish me.

It's hard to explain this reality to anyone. I have a mother, but I feel motherless. When I try to explain this, people don't understand, even my friends who are in mental health. People tell me to keep supporting her because she'll get better. No she won't. She's a Borderline and she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her. And honestly, there's no way to fully describe the horror of your childhood and even adulthood to anyone in terms they can understand. I know other people have to have lived this. How in the word do you survive this?

[SlyQQ]

Have you considered a restraining order My SD who I now look after got some terrible suicide threats from her mum sent to her at the ripe age of 13 " i have found a really gruesome way to kill my self with copper sulphate and anticool etc etc " there were a couple of not for real attempts ( 13 stiches in her arm swallowing bottle of pills walking over glass) which were based around her then p of the time but she had no compunction in guilting her daughter over them ( her other 15 yo daughter had basically gone NC) Take charge of your life an live with the consequences or dont ? that is what you have to ask yourself

[ForeverDad]

You did right to call in the professionals, the emergency responders.  Repeat, you did right.  Suicide threats are either an indication of a very troubled person or a control tactic.  Since you're a close family member and emotionally impacted, it's not up to you to decide.

And yes, most people can't imagine the deep impact of growing up with a seriously mentally ill parent whose worst behaviors are in private settings with family members...

People tell me to keep supporting her because she'll get better. No she won't. She's a Borderline and she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her.

We understand.  We agree, there's no indication she will get better.  (Technically we have to concede that she could get 'better' - but only if she wants to and works diligently at it with the right motives - and those odds are exceedingly low based on the history.)  Better to expect no improvement and be happily surprised if it happens rather than hope for improvement and keep being crushed.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Urbancowgrl,

  I am so glad you came here, posted your story, and are sharing your pain with us. We get it here. We understand like no one else does. It makes your mind spin, doesn't it? I know mine sure does, and I had a uBPDm. The effects are devastating, but as you set those boundaries, you will be able to begin to heal. There are a lot of wonderful resources here at the site to help you and teach you how to care for yourself.  How are you caring for you? I'm glad you have a therapist that you are sharing with.

You did the right thing by calling about your mom.  kudos!

Woolspinner

[urbancowgrl7152]

Wow. This website is such an amazing resource. Thank you for all of the supportive answers and validation. I have another question... .there was a bout a 5 year period where I didn't seem to notice her symptoms as much but now it's worse than ever. Does anyone have an explanation or no anything about this?

Thanks again for all of the support. 

[SlyQQ]

It is fairly common for BPD to be in remission for extended period of times the trick to this is having a stress free enviorment to operate in Most studies of BPD look at ten year time frames truth is they have sucess with self harming behaviours but the rest of the stuff will always be there an will sooner or later be triggered by some abandoment or similar issue that will arise an it will be like you are back to square one

[urbancowgrl7152]

Gosh I can't get over how good these responses are. One more question... .I am 28 years old and I have never had the desire to have a child. It terrifies me. The idea of motherhood is not a happy thought at all. I don't feel like this is normal for a woman in her prime to have a baby. Does anyone know if this is common of children of parents with BPD?